So, we've been married for almost 6 years.
We have 2 amazing little boys, I'm a SAHM while he runs a very stressful business.
Marriage was great for the first 3 years. We had our occasional disagreements and fights but nothing too serious and would step right back in as if nothing happened. During my 2nd pregnancy I really felt the pressure. He wasn't supportive, never helped (while I had a child under 2 to deal with as well as a pregnancy), never attended doctor visits, never did chores.
After the baby was born things didn't improve.
It sounds like the two of you did not adjust your relationship to handle the changes after having two children. It is not usual sadly and leads to exactly what you have going on in your marriage now.
How old are you, your husband and your children?
I don't feel attracted to him anymore because of his actions, I personally feel depressed and neglected and can't bring myself to loving him when I get nothing in return.
My bet is that he feels depressed and neglected as well. The two of you live in different worlds right now. This would kill any relationship.
Have you been to see a doctor about your depression? Have you seen an individual counselor to deal with the depression?
I've suggested game nights, social gatherings, movie nights, daily kisses, scheduled sex, anything I could find online basically but he doesn't follow through.
Has he said why he won’t do things with you? What does he say about the way he is feeling towards you and your relationship?
I don't know how we got to this stage but at the moment we barely talk, there's no affection, we don't go out, don't even eat together.
Why don’t you eat together?
I'm exhausted, I do it all and he goes to work - which I understand is exhausting but he works 6 days a week by choice and on his only day off he likes to hang around with his family - with us in the background.
Could your exhaustion be caused by your depression?
What do you do to take care of yourself? How many hours a week do you spend doing things with friends/family without your children? Or just by yourself doing things that make you feel good? Do you work out?
I feel alone. I feel I do everything (he won't won't even pick up his own dirty plate or clothes) all with the excuse that he goes to work. I'd love to work but there's no one to take care of OUR boys.
Surely there are day cares near you. Or you could hire a nanny to watch your children while you are at work. When my son was young, I was able to work at home a good part of the time. I hired a college girl as a nanny. I was home working. She would take care of my son, fix lunch, etc. But I could also take breaks and spend time with him.
Later, as in the later part of elementary school the mother of his best friend offered to take care of him when I was at work. He loved it because he got to spend time with his friend. Worked out great.
What kind of work did you do before? You might benefit from going back to work. Some women do not really do well as a SAHM. It can be very isolating and just hard to deal with.
A few nights ago he came on to me, I wasn't feeling it and pushed him away, went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out for half hour, when I got back he was snoring! Since then I've not been able to talk, I've talked so many times and I don't think he realizes there's a deeper issue here.
When you pushed him away and you went off to cry, what did you expect him to do? Of course he went to sleep.
I would not be surprised if he does not realize that there’s a deeper issue. It’s not all that unusual for two people in the same marriage to have a completely different idea of what’s going on.
Here is something for you to read. The Walk-away Wife Syndrome
How to start a conversation? How to get right to the root of it and make him realize that I can't be doing this for much longer??
I think that before you can talk to him, you need to get a better handle on what you want and how to talk to him about this. The material in the above link I posted is very good.
I also suggest that you read the books by Dr. Harley: “Love Busters” and “His Needs, Her Needs”, read them and do the work that they suggest.
After you work through the Divorce Busting material (at the above link) and the two other books, you should have a much clearer idea of what is going on, how to talk to your husband about it and how to fix it. You should also have a better idea about what things about yourself you need to work to fix.
Then you are going to have to have THE talk with your husband—the talk when you tell him that you are ready to leave the marriage if he will not work with you to fix it. He will most likely be totally shocked. But hopefully the shock will wake him up.