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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 09:34 PM Thread Starter
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Confused.

I have been in a relationship with my husband for 4 years & sadly we are both addicts. We have had 3 daughters together & I have a 6 year old son with someone else. Ever since we have been together it's been rocky. Their has been more bad times than good. I am currently living with my dad, bec we both just got out of treatment about 2 months ago, and my husband wants me to come back to Go with him to live with his grandma. But my son lives close to where im staying & I would never Get to see him. I am having trouble making a decision on whether do go be with my husband or stay here at my dads. I feel that the same situation is going to happen again it has for 4 years & my sons dad had custody of him but let's me see him. I just can't seem to let my husband go. I always feel stuck and that's the worst feeling in the world. My mom just passed away over Christmas & I pretty much take care of everything in the house. My mom accidentally fell down the basement stairs & passed away from brain bleeding & she was only 47. It honestly drives me insane to be in the house alone where it happened. Everyday I'm reminded of her falling bec my dad is redoing our bathroom and put a temporary shower in the basement and at the bottom of the stairs is stained blood on the concrete with ****s with me even more. I am trying my hardest but sometimes I just desperately want to leave and my depression has gotten worse. I have NO idea what to do anymore!!!

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:27 PM
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Re: Confused.

Iím sorry for your loss. Thatís tough.

There is no way I would move away from my child. So thatís my advice.

You say that you are depressed. Do you get any physical exercise? The first level of treating depression is to get out in the air and sunlight and do something physicalÖ. like walk, maybe? Then if that does not help enough, see a doctor for your depression.

What were the drugs that you and your husband were addicted to?

It seems to me that if your husband wants to be with you and his children, in needs to move to where you are. Did he live in same area you are in now?

He could either get a job near where he lives now and save up to move back with you, or get a job near you now.

How far away does his grandmother live?

Are you worried that if the two of you get back together again that the two of you will pull each other back into taking the drugs?
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: Confused.

Stay don't go you are not strong enough plus your dad and your son needs you.. if you feel like you will go down the wrong path again you will. Its time to think about you and your kids. I know you love your husband but you have to be strong for the both of you. Once you are strong enough maybe you can help him stay clean. I want you to pray everyday all day ask God to give you strength to over come your addiction, and your depression. It want be easy but God will help you If you wanted it. I'm sorry for your lost and I understand how hard it is.. get someone to clean the basement you shouldn't have to see that, if there isn't anyone you may have to clean it so you can heal. Continue to get treatment go to meetings. I know you can do it. I will be praying for you and your family.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

Thank you, it has been so hard I still can't believe she's gone, I think about life a lot different than I did before. I do try to Get out & walk or go outside with my son and play and I'm constantly cleaning all day, I can't stay still. And I do go see a therapist & doctor I just started taking wellbutrin & busbar a few days ago. I'm praying that it kicks in soon bec I feel so overwhelmed a lot of days. I usually end up getting frustrated and crying at the end of the night here lately it's been every night. It seems like I try so hard but get No where with my mental illness. I know my husband would give anything to be around my son but we've burned so many bridges his family doesn't like me and mine doesn't like him. They always try to keep us a part and I totally get where they're coming from & why they think that. I wish we could live where I'm at but he would have no where to go. I live in tn and he lives in Colorado. I have been in and out of my sons life I took Care of him the first 3 years of his life and his dad the other 3. And I don't talk about my daughters a lot bec when I lost custody of our first daughter she was 4 months old & that's the same time I lost custody of my son. Our other 2 daughters we gave for adoption. We've put ourselves thru so much. We were iv heroin users & alcoholics. It's been so rough. And yes I'm worried that if we get back together it's gonna happen again he's like let's prove them wrong. But my dads trying to Get my life together and is letting me stay in his house but I'm stuck here alone everyday. It scares the **** outta me. I get where everyone else coming from but it overwhelms me so much.

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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

Why can't I be with everyone that I love. I know I've made it this way on myself. I just can't picture my life without him. Either of my boys

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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-28-2017, 10:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

And my idiot ass let my husband buy a non refundable bus ticket bec im trying to please everyone I have two weeks to make a decision

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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 12:47 AM
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Re: Confused.

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Originally Posted by maegnraee View Post
Thank you, it has been so hard I still can't believe she's gone, I think about life a lot different than I did before. I do try to Get out & walk or go outside with my son and play and I'm constantly cleaning all day, I can't stay still. And I do go see a therapist & doctor I just started taking wellbutrin & busbar a few days ago. I'm praying that it kicks in soon bec I feel so overwhelmed a lot of days. I usually end up getting frustrated and crying at the end of the night here lately it's been every night. It seems like I try so hard but get No where with my mental illness. I know my husband would give anything to be around my son but we've burned so many bridges his family doesn't like me and mine doesn't like him. They always try to keep us a part and I totally get where they're coming from & why they think that. I wish we could live where I'm at but he would have no where to go. I live in tn and he lives in Colorado. I have been in and out of my sons life I took Care of him the first 3 years of his life and his dad the other 3. And I don't talk about my daughters a lot bec when I lost custody of our first daughter she was 4 months old & that's the same time I lost custody of my son. Our other 2 daughters we gave for adoption. We've put ourselves thru so much. We were iv heroin users & alcoholics. It's been so rough. And yes I'm worried that if we get back together it's gonna happen again he's like let's prove them wrong. But my dads trying to Get my life together and is letting me stay in his house but I'm stuck here alone everyday. It scares the **** outta me. I get where everyone else coming from but it overwhelms me so much.
Are you saying that none of your children live with you?
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 12:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

None but my son comes and stays with me at least every weekend & my oldest daughter lives in co with my husband's parents

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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 02:23 AM
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Re: Confused.

Did you live in Colorado at some point? Since you have known your husband, where have you lived and what there the dates/time frames?

I've trying to get an idea of whether or not you lived in Colorado and when.

It sounds like you are more concerned about your relationship with your son than the relationship with your daughter.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 05:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

I'm not sure when the time was it was a few years ago maybe. I have a different relationship with my son then my daughter honestly my daughter doesn't know who am but not bec i don't want her to but bec of his parents. She's 3 .

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:19 AM
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Re: Confused.

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Iím sorry for your loss. Thatís tough.

There is no way I would move away from my child. So thatís my advice.

You say that you are depressed. Do you get any physical exercise? The first level of treating depression is to get out in the air and sunlight and do something physicalÖ. like walk, maybe? Then if that does not help enough, see a doctor for your depression.

What were the drugs that you and your husband were addicted to?

It seems to me that if your husband wants to be with you and his children, in needs to move to where you are. Did he live in same area you are in now?

He could either get a job near where he lives now and save up to move back with you, or get a job near you now.

How far away does his grandmother live?

Are you worried that if the two of you get back together again that the two of you will pull each other back into taking the drugs?
She said they are both addicts so presumably they are still taking drugs.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

Neither of us are still using at all.

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused.

Meant to put RECOVERING addict.

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