My wife is having an affair and now she filed for divorce - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 12:01 AM Thread Starter
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My wife is having an affair and now she filed for divorce

So me and my wife have been together for 11 years married 6 have two beautiful kids and we are high school sweethearts. I was a bad father and bad husband. My father raised me and my brother with anger and aggression. I didn't know any better because the neighborhood I grew up in the kids I played with didn't have dad's so I didn't know any better and I thought mine did a great. job. I grew up and raised my kids like my dad I was diagnosed with ptsd after working at a prison. I took out my anger on my family for years we seeked counseling Christian and non Christian. I seeked doctors and medicine. Nothing worked. We started to grow apart my wife got a job where she talked to other men through her work email I had no idea. Well a few weeks ago she filed for divorce I thought it was because of me. I recently logged in to her Facebook and found a couple of men she was talking to and one she was sleeping with. He is married with kids also and she doesn't plan on him leaving his wife. I feel she was taken advantage of in her vulnerable moments so now she wanted divorce. I'm going to speak with my lawyer tomorrow concerning the evidence I found on her facebook. I still love this woman like I said we have been together for 11 years. I'm so confused on what to do. She doesn't know that I know of her affair yet but telling my lawyer will likely open it to the light. We are in custody battles with our kids. I want her back and want to divorce her and work on dating and trust again but I'm scared she will run away still. HELP

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 12:22 AM
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Re: My wife is having an affair and now she filed for divorce

She already has ran away.

Color her blue.

Color her gone.

You let this happen.

Be the best person you can be. Be the best father you can be.

Do this for you and your future. Maybe she will notice and come back.

But she cheated. She took the low road to Jericho.

Reconciliation will not work. You will always see her as a cheater. She will know this. She will not want to be viewed as a tainted wife.

Learn from your mistakes. In any new relationships you need to know where you went wrong.

Grow and prosper.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 02:20 AM
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Re: My wife is having an affair and now she filed for divorce

Iím sorry this is going on in your life. It sucks, I know.

You need a plan of action. There is a good book has a good plan for helping you deal with a situation like the one you are going through. Itís a quick read. I highly recommend that you get the book and read it.

Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:56 AM
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Re: My wife is having an affair and now she filed for divorce

Johndoe, sorry you are here but bad behaviour and mistreatment of others has condequences. It looks like you did all you could with the counsellors, etc but be careful of taking the blame for her infidelity, that is all on her.
A spouse may treat another badly but that does not justify an affair.

you sound confused, one minute you want her the next you want a divorce.
Do not make any decisions now when emotions are running high

You must confront your wife with the evidence
Tell all family, friends, etc what has been happening
Do the 180 on her for your own sake to regain emotional stability
speak with your lawyer of your options, financing, etc
start doing things for yourself, exercise, etc
get some counselling for yourself. It is not possible to have MC without the couple being complete. You have many issues resolve those first.
Work on becoming the man who you should be, the best father, etc

You may have lost your wife, but you must move forward and repair yourself first before you can ever be part of any relationship
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:40 AM
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Cool Re: My wife is having an affair and now she filed for divorce

This "marriage" is now a lost cause!

In essence, the best that you can do at this point is to get a good family lawyer for the impending litagatory hurricane and to have your attorney present a case that will allow you joint custody of your kids!

It might also be desireable to participate in anger management seminars to make good and certain that such abhorrent behavior never returns!

And lastly, take time to forgive both yourself and your father for whatever actions either of you took earlier in life that chagrined and isolated yourselves, the rest of your family, and your friends!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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