newbie12

Hi all,

Just recently married and found out how difficult my wife when it comes to family and friends. She relocated to my place from another state. Everytime, I ask her to go with my family or friends she always give me a tough time. Basically, she don't want to go but don't mind let me go alone. I am social and she is more home girl, but i don't see what is going with going out with your husband to meet with friends. Yet, if she asks me to see her family, I have no problem and never let her ask twice. I am fair person, I just expect her to do the same regardless if it's family or friends. This really frustrate me. I used to hangout with friends for group diner, lunch, or get together cook but now I no longer because she has no interest in my friends. I am not saying that friends is more important than family, but she always argue and use an excuse that I make friends more important than her. I also closed my facebook because she deleted some of my girl friends from facebook that I knew for years and I had no relationship other than just friend. Please help me understand and let me know if I am wrong. thanks.

growtogether

Hello
There is probably a reason behind this.
Example: I'm kind of like that myself, and I did some work to it. I didn't want to hang out with my husband's friend too much because I didn't want to...That's a boring answer right? Well, I went deeper, why in the eck I don't want to go out? I use to do it all the time with my friends. Well, I came up with I'm not comfortable around new people. That's so true because I use to hang out with the same people, never go meet new want. I notice I was not confident enough to present myself to other...A lake of self-esteem. I was shy.
I'm working on this since then, and I have been hanging out more.

So what is being the fact that she doesn't want to hang out? What not asking her, take the time to talk about this.

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Recently, Time Magazine had a cover story about introverts - it nailed me to a "T"! If you met me, you'd think I was extremely personable and probably extroverted. But the truth is, when I come home after chatting and being all bubbly, I want to lock the door and not come out again for 3 days. Extroverts feel "fed" and rejuvenated after a social outing, and introverts get "fed" from alone time. ...and, there are like 3 extroverts to every one introvert, so we often get pushed to 'be like everyone else'. I'm the same as your wife - I disliked the family stuff and the outings with friends, even tho I love really Jeff's family. My favorite kind of talk time is a long, deep conversation with one or two people - it's all about depth, not breadth. Group things are things I just endure.
This may not be your wife at all, but it's worth thinking/asking about.
And just to reiterate - if you met me, you'd find me animated, engaged, chatty, personable...and underneath it all, gettin' really, really tired. It's like being on stage - don't get me wrong, it's worth it! - I don't want to be a hermit... but you should know, it's hard work, not easy fun. She may be similar and reacting by staying in her safe spot. Maybe you both could explore this idea and see if it fits. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Keep listening.