04-28-2012, 03:18 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
| | I don't even know...(this kind of turned into a long thing)
I feel like I come to this site when I get really confused.
My husband is overly mad for a reason that I'm not sure of.
Well, I guess I might know, but it doesn't make any sense.
Especially since he changes his mind every other day is seems like.
First off, I know he is depressed about not having a job. He's a full-time student, but his umemployment recently ran out so my husband and I are struggling, looking for jobs. I only have an on-call job at the moment.
He has this cycle that he goes through, at the beginning/middle of the week, he's transitioning from being kinda sad to getting in a better mood, feeling better about himself, about us, about life.
Then the weekend is near/here. He's gotten into the habit of staying up all night, just messing around on the computer. (Which isn't a big deal to me, except he's been doing this every single weekend for more weekends than I can count.)
I'm sure most people are familiar to what no sleep can do to a person. Well, I'm pretty sure it messes with his head. He starts out okay, normal, then he gets moody and touchy about everything.
He goes back and forth each day/couple of days, telling me:
"I know, I don't like this habit I've formed. I want/need to stop. It's not good for me, for us. We should go for a walk instead." Etc, etc. But this is when he's feeling better about life. When he is not feeling happy, he gets all insecure.
Today, he told me to "Go home." (Meaning: I lived with my parents before I moved in with him so he's referring to my parents' home.) I wanted to talk to him about what's bothering him. I even tried saying, "Let's just start today over." But he just kept telling me, "Go home. You obviously don't want to be here. Just go home." Every time this happens it comes out of nowhere (to me). First I say, "I don't want to go anywhere." Then I ask, "Why do you think I want to 'go home'?" Him: "I just know. I can tell." Me: "How do you know? Can you read my mind? You can't just assume that."
It's really frusterating because later today or tomorrow, he'll say: "No, I don't really think that. I'm sorry I was being that way. No, you're not doing anything wrong."
I know he doesn't really want me to leave (wait, I guess I don't "know" that. That's what I "think"). He just thinks that I don't want to be with him.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I just had to get this out. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for (help, advice, encouragement). Sometimes I just like venting out to people I don't know because then nobody that I know personally can judge me or my husband.
I want things to get better. I want to go for walks or play tennis on the weekends. I want to do something productive. I realize it's hard when we don't have jobs/money/lots of motivation. But I think that's why it's really necessary to get exercise or at least do SOMETHING. My husband agrees to these activities I suggest at the beginning/middle of the week, but something just changes inside of him. He gets sad and everything is not all right. I know he is a fun, lively person, but that side of him disappears at the end of each week.
We are going to see a couples counselor on Tuesday.
It's just not cool that I get blame and anger directed at me when I feel like I haven't done anything wrong.
How can I get my husband to stop this vicious cycle?? It's not good for him, me, or our relationship!!
Once again, sorry it's so loooooong and drawn out. Just some thoughts I wanted to type out.