life is hell

Hi, me and my husband know each other for a long time, he wasnt the first guy in my life and i wasnt the first gal in his life...he had sexual relation wid another woman and i also had sexual relation with another man before we met each other....i broke up and he broke up too....my ex-bf was his best friend...and thats how we met...after some time we became good friends...and fell in love with each other...and decided to get married....now we have been married for 4 years and we have a baby girl 5 months old...one time when my husband was on job hunt in 2009...i caught him chatting with another girl about our sexual life, his ex-gf..and telling her that sex with his ex was great..and offering her to have a sexual relation...we fought a lot over this....even i hit him in his face on this...he swore to God he didnt mean anythng..he was just flirting...anyways life went on...we used to watch casual porn at times as well...my husband is a porn addict from a very long time...i used to join him sometimes...but it didnt bother me that much at that time…when we went back to US for my baby’s delivery…he sometimes used to leave me all alone and go out with his cousins to the strip club…it bothered me a lot and we fought a lot…from that point…till now…more than 5 months…we have always been fighting…he is still watching porn and I get angry on this…after the baby, I am trying to get back in figure…but now I feel, when we go out…his eyes always pop out to see other women…he says he will try to quit watching porn but he doesn…yesterday he also opened up an account on a dating site…and I found out…we are really moving apart from one another…I cannot live with a person who is fantasizing about other women all the times…who doesn’t give me and my baby much time…and he hangs on to his laptop the moment he reaches home…I earn a lot more than him and I have asked him to find a better job for a better future for me and my baby…I have a lot of pressure…my job, then home and baby….i have become so rude now….sometimes I treat him very bad…things are going bad between us and I am thinking one day our relation will be finished…sometimes I am thinking to get separated from him…

Parallax857

All I can offer you, my dear sister, is compassion. The only thing that helps me at times of pain and crisis is to be with the pain, with compassion for myself, and ask spirit to guide me. I wish you well.