Not Sure What's Next...
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Old 07-30-2012, 07:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Not Sure What's Next...

My husband complains that I've kept making the same mistakes for the past 12 years. He's referring to things like this:

1) Questioning him in front of others and giving the impression that I don't respect him or his word. Whether or not he's right isn't the point.
2) Not spending enough time making him feel like I cherish or respect him.
3) Putting work first...even though I've gotten much better at this.
4) Not finding creative ways to enjoy one another, whether it be sexually or otherwise.
5) Not communicating my feelings/thoughts/fears/concerns so that we can face them together.

This weekend, I made mistake #1 again, for probably the umpteenth time. In my opinion, it wasn't like I was making him appear like a big idiot, but he was wrong about a certain point and I tried to respectfully disagree. Apparently, he didn't like that. When I realized he was angry, I tried to apologize but he didn't want to hear a word I had to say. In the past, I've been told that my apologies no longer mean anything because I've been making the same mistakes for the past 12 years. So obviously, those apologies must not be sincere. I need to DO something to back up those words. But, I can't do the SAME things (nice dinner, sexy shower, parading around in lingerie, etc.) because they aren't enough. AND if I come up with new things (cooking together, going for walks together) I'm being hypocritical because we should've been doing those things anyway.

So now, I don't know what "new" thing I can come up with that would help heal this wound. He doesn't want to listen to me talk about anything...he's not interested in what I have to say. If I DO anything, he'll see it as hypocritical. When I expressed my confusion, he said "It's not my problem. Use your brain and think."

I'm not Einstein but I'm certainly not dumb. That seems like a contradiction to me. But I keep trying to get myself out of this hole and for every foot up, I dig myself 3 feet deeper.

How do I handle this situation without driving myself insane or driving him farther away?
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Old 07-31-2012, 03:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Not Sure What's Next...

Not feeling Respected and Admired by his woman would be one of the most damaging things possible to a husband's emotional connection to his wife. The MOST damaging thing would be for her to play that out and question and challenge him in front of others.

Rest assured, you are driving him away.
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