What to do when your spouse lacks common sense. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-03-2012, 06:01 PM Thread Starter
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What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

My wife has no common sense and it makes me crazy. She does and says stupid things and she does it so much to the point that I am constantly worried about her well being. She is just constantly doing and saying things that makes no sense at all. For example, she has two older sisters, ones a half and the other is full blood and they are all four years apart from each other. A friend asked her how old was your oldiest sister when your mother met your father. My wife says "Uh... I don't know like 12." I got so embaressed and she does stuff like that all the time. I don't want to leave her cause I love her but when she drives to another town to get her oil changed instead of looking for one near by it just drives me crazy and it keeps me in a bad mood. I have told her on plenty of occasions to think before she does or says things but she just gets mad at me and yells about how I think shes stupid. I feel bad because she is the sweetiest person in the world but I can't handle her not useing her head anymore. What should I do? I don't want her to get herself killed cause she does not think before she does things and believe me it came close a couple times.

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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-03-2012, 06:57 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

Did you know this about her before you married her?
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-03-2012, 07:03 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

So how old was her mother when she had the oldest sister?

We all say and do stupid things sometimes. She might more than others but cut her some slack.

Learn to have some humor about this.

Why should it bother you if she drives all over to get her oil changed? It's her time. Maybe she likes the drive. Or maybe you could just do it for her?


There is no perfect spouse or person. A lot of people eventually find something about their spouse that drives them up the wall. It seems that what drives your wife up the wall is your constant picking at her for the things she says and does.

See you both have found something
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-06-2012, 07:41 AM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

Thats a weekly thing in my life we try to laugh it off and that's fine, one her famous lines we joke about, what would happen if something happenned. She laughs it off mostly
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-07-2012, 09:32 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

Please don't take offense, but I find your conduct more annoying than hers. Driving another 5 minutes for an oil change is no big deal; for you to go ballistic over that is strange. I happen to be very good at math and can easily add in my head; others can't why is that a big deal either. You need to chill out. Your professed concern is strange too. How would someone miscalculating an age or taking another 5 minutes for an oil change get herself killed. On the other hand, I do understand how type A behavior does contribute to heart attack. Personality, Type A behavior, and coronary heart disease: The role of emotional expression. Friedman,
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 53(4), Oct 1987, 783-792
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-09-2012, 12:17 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

My mother who raised 8 kids, used to drive a town over to buy less expensive day old bread. Some might think she was stupid, I think she is sweet and who cares. Life is too short to woory about being perfect for everyone else.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-20-2012, 02:16 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

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Originally Posted by matagt1983 View Post
My wife has no common sense and it makes me crazy. She does and says stupid things and she does it so much to the point that I am constantly worried about her well being. She is just constantly doing and saying things that makes no sense at all. For example, she has two older sisters, ones a half and the other is full blood and they are all four years apart from each other. A friend asked her how old was your oldiest sister when your mother met your father. My wife says "Uh... I don't know like 12." I got so embaressed and she does stuff like that all the time. I don't want to leave her cause I love her but when she drives to another town to get her oil changed instead of looking for one near by it just drives me crazy and it keeps me in a bad mood. I have told her on plenty of occasions to think before she does or says things but she just gets mad at me and yells about how I think shes stupid. I feel bad because she is the sweetiest person in the world but I can't handle her not useing her head anymore. What should I do? I don't want her to get herself killed cause she does not think before she does things and believe me it came close a couple times.
this made me wonder if you would be interested in doing a stand up routine. Someone needs to fill Rodney Dangerfield's shoes now that he's gone.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2012, 03:49 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

I understand about a lack of common sense, my husband and brother-in-law don't have a lick common sense.
they don't know how to communicate with anyone other than themselves, they don't have friends, they come home eat @#^# and shower to bed and start it all over the next day and thats their life.
Example: My brother-in-law to me is slow (mentally but has never been tested) he works for my husband with whom got him the job.
Example of his stupidity:
He wanted to plant grass in the back yard, spent 200 on grass seeds etc... I asked him if I could help, I knew he would do it righ.
He didn't rack brake the dirt, he just throw seeds out and put that green fleet like over the spots and places our patio chairs over each spot.
We have a 2 yr old GSD and a poodled that will destroy anything you lay down.
the next day the dogs had destroyed the fleet and it just layed there until I asked my husband if he was going to pick up the mess.
week laterd he picked it up. No grass to this day.

Is that stupid or what?
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-25-2012, 03:40 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

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Originally Posted by matagt1983 View Post
My wife has no common sense and it makes me crazy. She does and says stupid things and she does it so much to the point that I am constantly worried about her well being. She is just constantly doing and saying things that makes no sense at all. For example, she has two older sisters, ones a half and the other is full blood and they are all four years apart from each other. A friend asked her how old was your oldiest sister when your mother met your father. My wife says "Uh... I don't know like 12." I got so embaressed and she does stuff like that all the time. I don't want to leave her cause I love her but when she drives to another town to get her oil changed instead of looking for one near by it just drives me crazy and it keeps me in a bad mood. I have told her on plenty of occasions to think before she does or says things but she just gets mad at me and yells about how I think shes stupid. I feel bad because she is the sweetiest person in the world but I can't handle her not useing her head anymore. What should I do? I don't want her to get herself killed cause she does not think before she does things and believe me it came close a couple times.
It seems like people are really torn up over people's comments and lack of common sense lately. What are your levels of education and what are your occupations? Is she a hard worker or a lazy person? Not that it makes a difference, but I'm just wondering if you feel a little higher up the totem pole than her. There may be more things she does besides what you described, but I'd say give her some slack. If my x wife had taken the initiative to have gotten the oil changed, I wouldn't have cared where she did it; that would have been a chore I didn't have to do.
What did she do that almost got herself killed?

I guess we all have things that we feel show a lack of common sense. I'm more down on things that seem to be accepted among the masses that i think are stupid, like mowing the lawn at least once a week even during a drought when it doesn't need it, but it's just their routine. Most people where I'm from do this and never think twice, and then make stupid comments like, "It's really dry, I mowed my lawn last week and could hardly tell what had been mowed and what hadn't." How do you respond to that?

And I love it when educated people spend all their money on stuff, and then complain about how bad the economy is and that it's tough to get by. Well, the last time I checked all the toys and stuff that people want isn't life necessities.
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-25-2012, 04:24 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

Wifey for years refused to use GPS even though she gets lost in a phone booth. So the Mapquest directions got printed and that was that. All of a sudden she 'discovered' GPS on her phone, started 'using' it but routinely ignores whatever it tells her and she gets lost anyhow.


Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2012, 12:30 AM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

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Wifey for years refused to use GPS even though she gets lost in a phone booth. So the Mapquest directions got printed and that was that. All of a sudden she 'discovered' GPS on her phone, started 'using' it but routinely ignores whatever it tells her and she gets lost anyhow.
Yet somehow always finds her way home to you.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2012, 02:42 AM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

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Yet somehow always finds her way home to you.
If it's anything like my dad, 3/4 of a tank of gas is mysteriously gone from a trip to the grocery store.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-16-2016, 09:02 AM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

It takes patience to deal with people without common sense. They tend to give a 1000 word answer to a yes or no question. If a person in their 60's can't boil an egg or open a hiking water bottle without help, that is sad. However, they are not going to change at this age no matter how much you try to help them. They also tend to argue when you do try to help them learn something they do not understand. Believe me, I am staying single because of people like this. It may be fun to do things with them on a limited basis but I do not want to be someone's parent at this age.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-16-2016, 05:33 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

This isn't a case of lack of common sense. It's a case of someone answering questions without thinking much about them. Most people do that - if someone asks a question that we don't think is important, we just say what's on our minds.

Lack of common sense is irrelevant if all it means is we don't take the shortest route to a solution. Heck, I'd been putting 8 more minutes on my commute every day than I needed to, until I got a GPS that showed me a different route.

Where it becomes a concern is if genuine problems could stem from it. My wife is hysterical about money...every penny spent is scrutinized and she remains convinced we're going to become homeless and die penniless. But we're actually in very good shape, our advisor said we didn't have to wait to 65 to retire, we could quit working at 45...but we didn't, so we've over-achieved. Money has never been a big deal to me, I just noted what it was good for, recognized that a happy life didn't need much, and figured out how to invest and get slightly above market returns. OK, money done, next? So, we are on a nest egg of 4X what we need...and wife is still loaded with anxiety.

So, I try to demonstrate that I'm not being a spendthrift, delaying things, doing a bit more DIY than I'd do otherwise...you do things to calm the spouse, right?

But then, she gets a phone call from someone she said "was obviously a scammer", but the woman sounded so sincere and in trouble and she stayed on the phone and did what the woman said to do to "fix the virus on our computer that is infecting the internet" and by the time I got home, she had yanked all the cables out of everything in fear. She'd given this woman complete access to the computer, meaning financial info. We spent months changing bank account numbers re-imaging the computer...about 50 hours total.

She heard an advertisement on the radio that claimed "moss will kill your roof in 30 days", and she noticed some moss. She's not about to use harsh chemicals, so she asked people what to use to get rid of moss. From people who had never done it, never worried about moss, had never studied what to do, she got the suggestion "Tide". She put many boxes on the roof, sprayed with water, scrubbed it in. This washed all the asphalt out of the asphalt shingles. She proudly told me what she did, I saw the black goo coming from the downspouts and thought "this can't be good", but I knew better than to say it.

First rain - the roof did not have a single leak. It basically had become a window screen. Literally thousands of rivulets of water pouring down through the roof. Wrecked the sheathing, soaked the insulation which then got moldy, caused ceilings in the house to sag. $18,000 for a roofing contractor to rip out the roof, replace insulation. I did the sheetrock repair myself. It was an entire summer of doing not much else.

If someone says "don't use that drug, it's deadly", she believes it immediately but if the veterinarian she pays $200/hour for says to use it, then there's money involved so it can't be right. We almost lost two of her favorite dogs over her refusal to use this or that drug. Both were elderly with failing immune systems. They declined far enough to require overnight stays, $5k each. There's been more than one salmonella infection because someone convinced her that "raw" was "natural" ... every single time she's given a dog raw chicken, it's been another $2k.

I don't care about the money - but she does. Each of these expenses increases her anxiety...I can't change her, but it's sad to see how much of her own anxiety she makes worse....and I'm working at trying to reduce how many hours I spend in recovery from these events.

By comparison to the OP of four years ago - I'd say he doesn't actually have a problem worth working on.
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 07-17-2016, 08:48 PM
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Re: What to do when your spouse lacks common sense.

Dude she didn't just lose all her intelligence and common sense when you slipped a ring on her finger.

If you're just figuring this out NOW, then you've got a bigger problem than she does.
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