pnw_222

Im a 36 yr old stay at home mom.Ive been married for 12 yrs.My husband told me 4 1/2 yrs ago he thought he had fallen out of love with me.We didnt really do anything abut it.We talked and i cried then it all went to normal.Now we never fight..Its not a bad marriage,never has been.But in feb of 09 he told me that we werent getting any better and that if i wanted hed do therapy.Great...he even did the research to find one,called and set up the appt.WONDERFUL.After one month she told him that sounds like he made up his mind that he needed to break it to me about what he wanted to do.B/S.As of may ,i was beside myseld..going into depression trying to find a way to save a marriage ive never had to try before..not in this sense.After talking to many people i pleaded for one more school yr to try to make him fall in love with me or what ever i had to do.I started to go to church for help.read books,research on web,ask around anything i could kind . Im not sure what im doing but i could sure use some advice here.Dont know what i was thinking when i gave myself a time frame..more pressure on me STUPID.Hes a good man .Hes pulled me out of a bad marrieage 15 yrs ago.Loved my first two kids like his own supports us all.hes just fallen outta love he says. Do i need to change?what else can i do?

MikeSushi

I would seriously ask him "Are you having an affair?" Because no one just "Falls out of love." That's B/S. His feelings are lingering and they might need your stimulation. Some men just don't think before they step. Usually if you're together that long, he should have known this along time ago. I was in the same situation and I said the same thing. I had an affair, thats why I said that. You're 36 stay at home mother. You two go out? Date...get freaky? Does he whine about sex? Coming from a man's point of view, you need to stop thinking about yourself and think about him and what he might be thinking. look at his actions and if he looks at porn. Get yourself a bottle of wine and don't get emotional because if you do he wont listen. You gotta be visual.

827Aug

Hi!

Your story is similar to mine and a lot of other people's on this forum. At least you will have plenty of company. However, my marriage lasted 23 years--I got the old "I love you, but I'm not in love with you line" 2 1/2 years ago. My estranged husband was having an affair. You may want to look into that possibility. Are you and your hubby separated? I'm just wondering if your hubby went to counseling just to ease his own conscience. Since the duration of counseling was so short, I'm wondering if his mind was made up before hand.

There's a wonderful book by Gary Chapman titled "The Five Love Languages". It really does a wonderful job of addressing the entire concept of "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". If possible get your spouse to read it also. I tried to get my spouse to read it, but he wouldn't. That was another indicator to me he had already checked out of the marriage.

Hang in there!

Amanda Blake

I guess you have to ask your husband the real reason behind. I think it's not just about falling out of love, there's another reason that both of you should talk about. 12 years is 12 years you've been through a lot of tough times and it's not easy to let go 12 years. You should talk to him in a calm way and ask him to be honest for you to settle the problem. You can surpass it!