Dr. Dobson's When Love Must be Tough - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2009, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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Dr. Dobson's When Love Must be Tough

I wanted to start a thread here.

I've been married 24 years to my HS sweetheart. It is not an abusive relationship and neither one of us have ever had an affair. Last Oct. he gave me the "I love you but I am no longer in love with you speech." Many things had happened in the last year...my son had a crisis and the a stock market crashed in Oct. He is a financial advisor and was affected by this (job and personal).

We both have undergone individual and couples counseling. In Febuary he stated that he wanted to work towards a divorce. Since Oct., I've stepped up to the plate; initiating sex; convincing; happy talk; crying; begging; pleading; etc. Nothing has worked. He was determined to divorce...to be alone and have some "fun."

For the past several weeks, after reading Dr. Dobson's book, I've been using his strategy. We are currently separated (3 days) and I hope this will give him a wake up call. He knows where I stand. He was trapped and now he is free. We will see how it goes?

Anyone out there using this approach or read the book?

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-21-2009, 09:58 AM
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Re: Dr. Dobson's When Love Must be Tough

Hi Corpus

As you know I am a supporter of his methods but they can be risky. In our case it was helpful as it helped me to regain my confidence and she saw that. I think the strategy is the most effective when one spouse has emotionally left the marriage and the other is trying to hang on. While trying to dote and do all you can for your spouse can actually drive them further away showing them you want the marriage to survive but will be fine if it doesn't (Even being distant yourself) can draw them back. The book had a positive effect on our situation. Anyone else?


Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-15-2016, 05:22 AM
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-18-2016, 11:31 AM
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Re: Dr. Dobson's When Love Must be Tough

That is a good book. One thing, on TAM we usually advise any spouse who gets the ILYBINILWY (I love you but I'm not in love with you) speech to investigate and rule out an affair. I suggest you do so. Check out recent cell phone bills for frequently called numbers, look over credit card bills, etc.

In the coping with infidelity section you can check out the standard evidence thread for more ideas. Sorry you are here, hope you get some good support.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-18-2016, 11:55 AM
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Re: Dr. Dobson's When Love Must be Tough

I've have read this book and like many other Dr. Dobson books, it is full of "approved of" "Godstamped" ways of dealing with problems. If your world is like his, where everyone does that right thing all the time, behave correctly and respect the Bible, the way to handle problems in this book will not work for you. Most people aren't like this and won't respond to this. I've tried it and if your spouse only believes in the way she thinks and won't listen to you and your pleas to make things better, they won't listen to this either. They will only think that you're trying to tell them what to do and you will come off as "controlling".

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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