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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Looking for a book on communication...

Therapist briefly introduced me to the concept of I-statements and you-statements. Info on net is inadequate. Anyone know of a good book, preferably Amazon kindle. Thanx


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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 02:49 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

What are you trying to communicate?

Are you talking boundaries, general conversation or how to talk to women?

Edited for an ooops.

Last edited by Mavash.; 07-09-2013 at 08:39 PM.
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Talk to my wife without sticking my foot in my mouth. Never learned how to confront her. With things on the rocks it's worse.

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 08:40 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Okay that's a bit more complicated. Are you by chance a 'nice guy'? Is your wife angry? Do you feel like you can't do anything right?
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 09:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Already have done no more Mr nice guy, Codependency no more, and his needs her needs. I understand the concept of I statements, just need a more practical knowledge. There has to be something.

I feel like every time we talk something is losses in translation. I say something, she hears something else. Or I don't have the proper attitude to convey the point I'm trying to make.

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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 09:39 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

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Originally Posted by husbandinwaiting View Post
Therapist briefly introduced me to the concept of I-statements and you-statements. Info on net is inadequate. Anyone know of a good book, preferably Amazon kindle. Thanx
Here's a good one for you:- Couple Skills by McKay, Fanning and Paleg -http://www.amazon.co.uk/Couple-Skill.../dp/157224481X

Also, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman http://www.amazon.co.uk/Five-Love-La...love+languages

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Last edited by Cosmos; 07-09-2013 at 09:44 PM.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-09-2013, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Checking out sample. Ty.

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Last edited by husbandinwaiting; 07-10-2013 at 04:10 AM.
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 08:06 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

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Originally Posted by husbandinwaiting View Post
Already have done no more Mr nice guy, Codependency no more, and his needs her needs. I understand the concept of I statements, just need a more practical knowledge. There has to be something.

I feel like every time we talk something is losses in translation. I say something, she hears something else. Or I don't have the proper attitude to convey the point I'm trying to make.
I've had the same problem with H. To him using "I" is selfish as if I am not entitled to my own feelings or opinions.

Many times he would turn it around as if I was telling him how HE felt rather than hearing that I was telling him how I felt. I started rehearsing what I was going to say and when he started turning it around I would reiterate that it was MY opinion/feeling and I was entitled to my opinion/feeling and that HE was entitled to HIS.

I also did alot of research on body language, tone of voice and facial expressions and stayed very neutral in all of it when talking to him.

Once I was able to keep tone/body language and expressions very neutral combined with me saying "I am entitled to my opionion, you are entitled to yours and it's ok if they're different", for a while he seemed to handle the conversations a little better.

It was almost as if he was so distracted by my tone/facial expression/body language to actually listen. Sometimes I don't even look at him (if he's on the couch behind me or we're both on computers) so he doesn't feel threatened in any way.

Good luck.
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 08:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

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I've had the same problem with H. To him using "I" is selfish as if I am not entitled to my own feelings or opinions.

Many times he would turn it around as if I was telling him how HE felt rather than hearing that I was telling him how I felt. I started rehearsing what I was going to say and when he started turning it around I would reiterate that it was MY opinion/feeling and I was entitled to my opinion/feeling and that HE was entitled to HIS.

I also did alot of research on body language, tone of voice and facial expressions and stayed very neutral in all of it when talking to him.

Once I was able to keep tone/body language and expressions very neutral combined with me saying "I am entitled to my opionion, you are entitled to yours and it's ok if they're different", for a while he seemed to handle the conversations a little better.

It was almost as if he was so distracted by my tone/facial expression/body language to actually listen. Sometimes I don't even look at him (if he's on the couch behind me or we're both on computers) so he doesn't feel threatened in any way.

Good luck.
I think I know what you mean. The presentation is almost more important than the message. Don't know how many time I've been shut out, just because of body language. I don't communicate well normally, more or less in a rough marital situation. Ty.

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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 08:52 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Mars and Venus Together Forever: Relationship Skills for Lasting Love: John Gray: 9780060926618: Amazon.com: Books

This book is good to teach men how to talk to wives emotionally.

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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

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Ty.

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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 09:00 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Tone of voice was very challenging for me. I had to figure out what my normal tone sounded like and try to duplicate it when talking to him.

I consciously listened to myself (tone of voice) when I was having conversations with friends or just chit chatting with our D, once I knew what it sounded like, it was easier to duplicate it when talking to him. I still listen to myself when talking to him, as I am so aware of it now, I notice the slightest changes and am able to reel myself back to neutral.

Hope it helps.
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Really hard to get tone right. I go from one extreme to another. Should have developed these skills long ago. Ty,

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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 09:11 PM
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

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Really hard to get tone right. I go from one extreme to another. Should have developed these skills long ago. Ty,
Communication is an art and a skill. It took me years to learn and practice how to communicate effectively with my husband. My problem was I was intimidating and overbearing while he's more passive and conflict avoidant.

So there is personality that factors in this as well.

I have to dial my tone down A LOT otherwise he shuts down.
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-11-2013, 09:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Looking for a book on communication...

Shut down is a *****. Cross a line, and the whole thing comes to an end. Unresolved, no progress. Hate it.

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