I'm kind of at a loss. My husband and I both admitted a few months ago that we had been looking at porn. We both promised we would stop, but now we've both admitted again that we had been looking at porn.
I had a talk with him about it, and we both agreed neither of us can be mad at the other for something we were doing ourselves. I didn't know what to do. The thing that bothered me the most about it, is that he looks at porn at work and I never have an opportunity to check his history. He's good with computers, he deletes all the files anyways. So I was thinking about, thinking I didn't want to spend the next 60 years wondering if he is looking at naked girls or not.
And it didn't seem fair to either of us that we were taking that sexual attention away from each other for those times we had looked at porn. So I suggested that instead of wasting our sexual energy looking at porn while we are not together, that we watch porn once to twice a month together. But we would both have to promise to never look at it alone again. He agreed. Seemed a little over-excited if you ask me, but I can be hyper-sensitive.
Now I have been thinking about it and I don't know if this is the right course of action to take. I think maybe watching porn together might just make us less attracted to each other. I also worry about him becoming less attracted to me because I am a mother and a wife now, no longer his high school girlfriend who was always eager to get it on. The world of pornography is controllable and predictable, whereas real life is volatile. I don't know if watching porn together will help or severely hurt our marriage.
my wife does not watch alone.
we sometimes watch togather. I think it is a turn on if bust or find out behind her back that she is watching it. I guess I'm ok with it.
I always like to know her fantasies or what she think about.
sometimes when you are married you need to spice things up.
You're not happy with how things are now. So watching porn together will at least be a change. If it's for the better, great. If not, well, you gave it a try and you can go on to try something else. What matters here is the commitment to stay together and keep trying things for each other until you're satisfied. You can't expect perfection the first time out, and you can't expect everything you try to be a good idea.
One suggestion from other threads might be to make your own porn, with the two of you starring.
I think you're dealing with a lot of things here. do you want to stop watching porn? or is it one of those things that you'll stop if he stops?
I dont know if watching it together would help you two. my H and i tried that, too. He watched a lot of porn behind my back and i thought we could just watch together. but it was weird and not at all fun for me, or him. so that didnt work out for us. Neither of us watches porn now.
but i understand the fears of wondering if he's looking behind your back. i have blocks on my computers, but i never know what he does when he's away. it takes a lot of changes on both sides to build trust again.
Blanca was aking good questions... what is it that you really want? Do you really want to stop or do you just want him to not watch alone anymore? Since you are both watching alone and it is taking time away from being together, I see no harm in making it part of your routine together, so long as you are both ok with it. My next question is if your frequency of watching is more than 1-2 times a month alone, then why limit your together watching with that regimine? Are you embarrased to do it more with him bc you find it easier to do it without him? I think you need to answer some of those first before venturing into it... if its not pleasurable to BOTH of you, then it may backfire with someone's insecurities coming out and blocking the enjoyment.
In other words, you will both need to set aside any embarrassment over the ease you feel when watching alone, so you have ease of watching it together... for it to work well. If you can both honestly do that, then it should be a win-win! Best of luck!
I don't really think there is anything wrong with porn, as long as both partners are happy with it and that either partner does not feel "put out or upset" by it.
He uses it, I use it, we both use it and each of us is cool with that.
If you are both worried about being excluded from each other's intimate explorations how about changing the context by creating your own shared erotica? Would your own photos of each other, or stories written for each other put you back at the centre of each other's attentions? It could be a lot of wholesome fun!
This could help, it's the route that my husband and I have taken. We usually watch it a couple times a month. I thought I might have those same feelings as you so what worked for me is us watching it through all the foreplay, but when it was times to actually have sex, we would turn it off and completely forcus of eachother.
It has worked so far so good. I'd say its worth a try...
Me and my husband's porn issues...
