Married 2 years and hardly ever have sex. Help! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2010, 08:23 PM Thread Starter
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Angry Married 2 years and hardly ever have sex. Help!

This is my second marriage and have been married to him for 2 years. My last marriage was for 15 years so, I know how marriages work. Anyways, Before we were married our sex life was great just about every night. I know I know that does not last but it changed on the NIGHT we got married. He wanted to go eat and forget the sex. Now we may have sex once a month if that. We have gone without sex for 4 months before. He says that he is tired or it does not even cross his mind. I try to kiss him and start things but he just kind of turns his head. He even sleeps on the couch every night instead of the bed. Another excuse he uses that my teenage children might come up. By the way we live in a cabin with a loft not a bedroom. I even tried to get him to put walls up there but he won't. My H was married before but was single for ten years until I came along. He is not an affectionate person and I knew that before we married but my goodness. When he is not working he is asleep on the couch leaving me feeling abandoned. I know he is TIRED. He works a full time job and plays in a band but that never stopped him before we got married. I don't believe that an affair is the problem he totally believes in adultery is a sin. I have no idea what to do. I have SO tried to talk to him over and over again. I am 41 years old I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. Like I said I know how marriage goes. My ex husband and I after 15 years had sex at least once a week. What do I do?
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2010, 08:34 PM
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Re: Married 2 years and hardly ever have sex. Help!

Is it possible to try and spice it up a bit? Think of things you haven't tried, ways to entice him, make him totally interested. It doesn't have to be done in a demanding way, but just in a "hey, you wanna?" kind of way.

When you talk to him about it, do you ask him what has changed? Not necessarily WHY he doesn't want to (you know he's tired, the teens, etc.) but what has changed specifically since the wedding night.

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2010, 08:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married 2 years and hardly ever have sex. Help!

That is great advice. I have tried a lot of different things to get him to want to. kissing, dressing up, kissing all over him, talking, asking him what has changed. He always says nothing has changed he still wants me. When i try he always says I am tired. Then three months later he will get ready and its great. Getting there is the problem not after. When the kids are gone for a while or even a night all he does is sleep. even right now he is asleep. We have never slept together in the same bed that is. While he was single he slept on the couch and I can not get him off that couch. I have tried getting angry, being sweet about it, joke about it, and even cry about it. I am a psychology major and can not seem to figure him out. He just says that I am crazy. When i talk to him he changes for about a week then it is right back to the same way. I am beginning to think that he just married me for just so that he is not alone. When we dated everything was great. Now I hate it. We never talk, never have sex and never go anywhere together. I feel like we are just roommates. He pays the bills and I do the cooking. I have told him that too about the roommates thing and he says that I am crazy for thinking that. I have even talked to him about divorce and he says that will never happen your crazy. I sit here in this house and feel so alone. My other marriage we were best friends talked about everything and did everything together. I know I know I should not compare them but that is all I can go by. I do have to say I try not to do that seeing that it was such a great relationship that me and my ex had but then again after 15 years he did leave me for another woman so I keep thinking maybe that is why my life with this H should be like this. Gosh! what to do?
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-17-2010, 10:54 AM
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Re: Married 2 years and hardly ever have sex. Help!

i think spicing things up and trying new things wont help, for a guy not to be into sex its either psychological or physical, try seeing a therapist and if he loves you enough he should see a physician
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