Watching wife have sex
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-23-2010, 05:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Watching wife have sex

I would like to watch my wife have intercourse with another man. I think about this a lot. Does anyone else ever have these thoughts.
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Old 01-23-2010, 05:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Watching wife have sex

This seems to be a very common fantasy among men, particularly men over 35 or so I think. My H and I talked about this - ALWAYS as a fantasy, mind you, and NEVER with the intention of actually doing it. It makes for hot dirty talk, at least for us.

I know that there are many people who pursue this sort of thing in reality. Although I don't have any data to support my belief, I do believe that probably more people who live this out end up regretting it than not. You can always find people who thrive on almost anything but I think for most people this fantasy is best left in that realm.
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Old 01-23-2010, 06:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I posted a long reply to nearly this exact question a few months back on TAM Exactly what type of a sicko am I? I've love to know.

Incidentally the first person to reply to that thread MarkTwain lost his wife to another man by allowing this sort of thing less than a month after he replied to that question. He would claim other things were at work, and seeing it's him he's quite entitled to his opinion. I simply say be advised.

And in a general sense to this topic, this is dangerous ground. Encouraging your wife to seek sex with other men can be one of the most potent weakness signals you can send as a male.
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Old 01-24-2010, 12:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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This thing you are speaking of, is the two edged sword.

First, for the man and woman in a healthy sexual and emotional relationship, perhaps this is a fantasy that can be explored safely, and I do not wish to speak against some fantasy or to judge this between a consenting man and woman. I am not speaking to this scenario.

But second, and this is most likely if you are posting this question here on this forum, is the scenario that a man desires to see his woman with another man for perhaps less than healthy reasons for the reltionship and the happiness of the man and woman. This is the scenario to which I am speaking.

To know this is what is called "cuckoldry", and is exactly this, the sexual stimulation that occurs in a man, when his woman is having sex with another man.

This sexual attraction is born from biological competition, and yes it is real, and would be found in most men even if only on the physical level, but when it is experienced it is because, yes in the sense of competition, the relationship is already on dangerous shaky ground for the man experiencing this.

The problem is this, the emotional connection, of a man and a woman, for the man seeking satisfaction in cuckoldry sense, the woman is quite simply this, going to be sexually and emotionally attracted to the man that is more dominant, and this is where it is dangerous, for she will easily leave the weaker man in the dust if this is, to be polite, not a fantasy but the reality, that her man is a weaker man than some other man she is connecting with sexually and emotionally.

So this is the finesse, that in the first scenario it is a fantasy, that the man in the relationship in reality is dominant, and merely allowing some other man in the relationship at his will, in consent with both the man and woman to explore a sexual fantasy.

But in the end, the man will say "enough" or in other words, still be the dominant man and the woman will be still seeing him as dominant and there is not the danger of this woman leaving him in the dust for some other man, because she is doing this as the fantasy for her man, and this is not in question. As a woman is only going to be emotionally connected to one man, again if her man is dominant and this is not the question, then in this scenario the relationship is not in danger.

But if the cuckoldry is not a fantasy, and is merely this, the man in the relationship is in reality not dominant to his woman, and is fantasizing to experience either this or that with his woman in a sexual sense, but is not the man enough himself to do it, and thinks it is sexually desiring to have some other man come in and be "the bad guy" and do these "bad" sexual experiences. So the man believing he can have his cake and eat it to, in so many words, afterwards be the "nice guy" and expect that his woman will simply appreciate his gentleness.

But instead, what happens? In reality these sexual experiences, if it is true that her man is not man enough to step up to, but some other cuckoldry man is, and the woman in her mind is loving it, and loving the experiences, and as a woman of course is mainly taught not supposed to be aggressive openly about such things, but once they are unlocked she is very much connected to the man unlocking them.

If in her mind it is not the cuckoldry man, but instead her relationship man, then great for both of them.

But more likely in her mind is the cuckoldry man, the man that has the mettle, the courage, the dominance to step up and do these things sexually with her, and unlocking these sexual and emotional passions in her, and as a woman is going to be emotionally connected to only one man at a time, and if it is the cuckoldry man then it is not happiness for the first man, for he will easily be left in the dust when he loses the emotional connection from his woman.

So the advice is this, if you are here on this forum wondering in any sense what to do, then it is easy, do NOT do the cuckoldry, because you are already not clearly, dominant, otherwise you are not needing to ask.

Instead of fantasizing of some other man doing these things, instead fantasize that it is you doing these things, and make those fantasies the reality.

When you are doing this, making these fantasies the reality, and are secure in the position of dominance, absolutley earning and holding the sexual and emotional connection with your woman so much that no other man is even in competition, ONLY THEN will it be safe to imagine some other man in the picture.

And perhaps by then there will more likely no longer be the cuckoldry fantasy, because you as the dominant man are making these fantasies your reality for yourself, to the health and happiness of you and your woman.

I wish you well.

Last edited by BigBadWolf; 01-24-2010 at 12:41 AM.
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Old 01-24-2010, 05:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Watching wife have sex

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Originally Posted by laredo View Post
I would like to watch my wife have intercourse with another man. I think about this a lot. Does anyone else ever have these thoughts.
Sure.

Have you spoken to your wife about this?
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Old 01-24-2010, 07:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I like this fantasy as well and have somewhat given up on why it turns me on. I am convinced that many people have odd sexual fantasies and we have little control over what excites us. Anyway, I have lost a wife over acting this out so be very cautious. My current wife and I like to chat about this stuff sometimes but I am very careful about it due to my past experience.
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Old 01-24-2010, 08:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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My H likes the idea of a threesome, but not sure how he would feel just "watching" I think he would want some form of involment in what was happening and not just be a spectator, if that makes any sense?
Hmmm yea.. Guess I didnt pick up on that distinction. So along with my other question. Do you mean three way? or just watching her?
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I just want to watch, not thing about a treesom. Ideally the guy would have a c**k much larger than mine. Her favorite toy is 9 inches long and 2.5 inches in diameter. I think about a few other couples watching.
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by laredo View Post
I just want to watch, not thing about a treesom. Ideally the guy would have a c**k much larger than mine. Her favorite toy is 9 inches long and 2.5 inches in diameter. I think about a few other couples watching.

Have you talked to your wife about this?
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Old 01-25-2010, 01:05 PM   #10 (permalink)
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My wife and I are both in our forties and she is a very coservative women, and yes I have had this fantasy for at least the last dozen years. In my fantasy the man and my wife undress eachother and have wild sex in front of me (not me participating), and when they are finished, I have sex with her. There is just something about being inside my wife right after someone else has that excites the crap out of me. I would like the man to be someone my wife knows and is attracted to, but would probably be safer to have her do someone she doesn't know. My wife has absolutely NO IDEA I have this fantasy, and I don't think I would ever ask her because I know the answer would be no. Although I think I may tell her soon that I do have the fantasy, but not ask her to do it. By the way, I think my wife is at the start of an affair (kissing) with one of our neighbors (see blog need advice soon!), and I don't want her to actually have an affair behind my back, but would love to watch her with him (although I'm sure neither one would agree to it) I think that is why I am not really confronting my wife about the kiss. Half of me is pissed she is kissing him behind my back, and half of me is really turned on by it. I am REALLY CONFUSED)
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Old 01-25-2010, 01:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Watching wife have sex

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Originally Posted by Star View Post
My H likes the idea of a threesome, but not sure how he would feel just "watching" I think he would want some form of involment in what was happening and not just be a spectator, if that makes any sense?
This is exactly where I am. I love the idea of a threesome, but there is no way I could see a scenario where I just sit on the sidelines and watch or let her go on her own to sleep with someone else. Well unless I finished before the other man and I am recouping for round 2.

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Originally Posted by laredo View Post
I just want to watch, not thing about a treesom. Ideally the guy would have a c**k much larger than mine. Her favorite toy is 9 inches long and 2.5 inches in diameter. I think about a few other couples watching.
Part of my fantasy as well is the other man being larger. I am the largest she has been with and while I am certainly not small, I do want her to experience having a very large one at least once in her life.

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I posted a long reply to nearly this exact question a few months back on TAM Exactly what type of a sicko am I? I've love to know.

Incidentally the first person to reply to that thread MarkTwain lost his wife to another man by allowing this sort of thing less than a month after he replied to that question. He would claim other things were at work, and seeing it's him he's quite entitled to his opinion. I simply say be advised.

And in a general sense to this topic, this is dangerous ground. Encouraging your wife to seek sex with other men can be one of the most potent weakness signals you can send as a male.

I think we can use what happened to MarkTwain as an example of what can go wrong if this is allowed into a marriage.
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Old 01-25-2010, 03:28 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Watching wife have sex

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I would like to watch my wife have intercourse with another man. I think about this a lot. Does anyone else ever have these thoughts.
This is a pretty common fantasy for many men but should be left as a fantasy. We have had many come to the forum discussing this subject and acting on it. As far as I can remember they all crashed and burned. The risks far out weigh the benefits.
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Old 01-25-2010, 03:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Watching wife have sex

I have never just come out and ask her. I while back I told her that I had a very sexual dream. She wanted for me tell her about it. I told her we were at a party at one of her old high school friends. I went into a lot of detail, but the bottom line was she had sex with the old friend by the pool with several couples watching. I got hard just telling her about the dream. We had sex right then and she ask me my favorite part of the dream I said it was when he was putting his big d**k in her vagina. I ask her if she would like do that and she said" dont be silly". Ever once in a while she ask me if I have any more dreams.
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Old 01-25-2010, 04:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I have never just come out and ask her. I while back I told her that I had a very sexual dream. She wanted for me tell her about it. I told her we were at a party at one of her old high school friends. I went into a lot of detail, but the bottom line was she had sex with the old friend by the pool with several couples watching. I got hard just telling her about the dream. We had sex right then and she ask me my favorite part of the dream I said it was when he was putting his big d**k in her vagina. I ask her if she would like do that and she said" dont be silly". Ever once in a while she ask me if I have any more dreams.
While we have a little different angles to this subject, they are still very similar in theory. I will say that my wife and I use role play and a large dildo to fill this void. We will talk through a scenario as if it were happening. This works out well for both of us. It sounds as though your wife wouldn't entertain the idea of this happening, as neither would mine. I would suggest just keeping this as some role play for you and your wife and enjoy that!
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Old 01-26-2010, 03:42 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Watching wife have sex

I could in no way watch my wife with another guy. We've had a lot of struggles with intimacy, so maybe that's a factor, as if she was really getting off with another man, maybe the issues we have are her not liking being with me very much after all.

Now my wife with another woman - now that is a thought to consider! I know my wife likes looking at nude women and lesbian sex from the porn pictures I've found on our computer. And last week when I came home from work, she had mistakenly left a pair of panties under the desk and some porn was left in the desk top trash can, so I was like, she is masturbating to it! I just wasn't sure if she was checking it out from being curious... or really getting off with it. Now I know. That was a turn on and wished she would let me watch. I need to find a way to approach her about this!
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