Husband doesnt want to make love to me, I wish I was never born.
I am so miserable, sad and confused with my marriage, that honestly I dont know whether its worth staying in it or getting a divorce.?
My husband and I will be celebrating our 1st anniversary in February. We have been together for nearly 3 years. Personally I believe our relationship was doomed to begin with and that it has gotten worse over time. My Husband seems to be oblivious to our problems and when I try to talk to him about him, its like its going through one ear and out the other.
Our problems are in the bedroom and with communication. I'm in my early 30's and he will be 40 this year. He has erection problems or so he claims, which causes alot of stress in our relationship. I dont know what to say, or where to begin, I am just so confused and lost. I really feel like ending my own life at times, because when he ignores me it hurts more then a knife slicing through me.
I have never been sexually active in my life. One was because I came from a very controlling and unloving family. Two, I was brought up to believe that sex should only happen in marriage, and I only ever had a sexual relationship with my ex fiance before I met and married my husband. So for me I have been waiting to get married to enjoy a happy and healthy sex life with my husband.
My husband has been very sexually active before he met me. He had 8x women before me that he has told me about. 2x women he has sons with and has nothing to do with either boy, except for paying child support for the youngest one.
I dont know if I should tell you all the problems we've had since the beginning or not.? But I'll just focus on the ones that are the most frustrating at the present.
I feel that I married a different man. When we were first together he was like a sexual maniac. 2-3 times a week, I thought I was in heaven. lol. I know the lust doesnt stay in a relationship for long but I had hoped that we would be having a romantic relationship for more then a month at least.?
As soon as we moved state a month after we met, he changed into a different person. He didnt kiss me as much anymore, didnt make love to me, or touch me anymore. I put it down to the move, shortness of cash, finding a place to stay, getting a new job, ect.
6 months later it was getting worse. He doesnt like to kiss, says it hurts his throat and that it makes him choke. Said he has erection problems and not in the mood to make love anymore. Says he was never very sexually interested to begin with. (although he told me more then enough times how he use to make love 4x times a day to his ex - the one who is the mother of his youngest son)
I ask him if he doesnt find me attractive anymore.? He says he is very attractive to me just that his penis doesnt work anymore) This is not completely true. When I stroke him gently he does get hard, which is why he doesnt like me to touch him down there, because then he wont have the excuse of not being able to get an erection.
We have been to the doctors, who gave him medication. He took it a few times and complained that it didnt work and only gave him a headache. He was suppose to take the tablet 30 minutes before making love and during that time he was suppose to rest and kiss and cuddle with me to get the reaction. Instead he plays computer games and watches tv instead of cuddling with me, so of course the tablets wont work.
We go to the doctors again and get a prescription for Viagra. Cost too much money so he doesnt buy it, yet we have money to waste on pizza and dvd's, and I think our relationship needs the Viagra more then junk food.?
I ask him if he could at least do other things with me sexually if he can not do intercourse.? He just doesnt want to. Because he says that twice before, he used a dildo on me and I complained that it hurt, so now he doesnt want to use toys on me.
It hurt because he treasts my vagina like a slab of cement and rammed the dildo in like a you would a metal stake in concret!. He is not gentle with it so of course its going to hurt me.
I asked if he could do other things, but again he's not interested. He flatly refused to give oral sex. Says he doesnt like it so wont do it. Yet I give him oral sex and I let him do anal on me (he is a butt guy) even though I'm not very fond of having it done to me.
When I tell him this and that I am happy to do this because I love him and want to make him happy, he's response to me is always, "Well I never force you to do it". Might as well just slap me in the face. I do it because I love him and to pleasure him makes me happy as well. I know you cant force anyone to do something they dont want to but he doesnt even want to try.?
He doesnt like to kiss, he doesnt like foreplay, he doesnt like giving oral sex, he doesnt like porn, he doesnt like lingerie, he doesnt like using sex talk, he doesnt like me touching him on his balls or penis, he doesnt like sex, and because he is not interested, then I have to shut up and suffer as well.!
I can tell you it is driving me crazy, because I am so frustrated and confused and upset. Every time I have summed up the courage to ask him to make love to me he has rejected me. Every time for the last 3x years. How does that make me feel.? Unwanted. Unloved. Undesirable.
He says he doesnt feel like a man because he cant get it up, which I can more then understand, but he doesnt understand, that by him constantly rejecting me and ignoring me, doesnt make me feel like much of a woman either.?
After our last major fight last week, I asked him if he can at least say, "honey, I would love to make love to you, but I'm not in the mood tonight because I'm tired" or something to that effect so that at least I'm not just getting the silent ignoring treatment. After gaining courage to say to him that I would like to make love to him a few days ago,he straight away used the sentence to reject me yet again.
I can never come up to him to initiate sex because he constantly rejects me and its hurting me so much that I cry on a daily basis, I feel useless, I feel stupid and ugly and I feel that my feelings or needs and desires are not important.
I already feel useless as he is the main money maker, now since I am on a disability pension and when we married it was heavily reduced. I dont like him being stuck with all the bills and burden. And I'm trying to help out as much as I can with money. I asked him if he wants me to do the budgeting but he doesnt want to. I've got to admit that he is very generious with his money and he buys me things without a second thought. But he is very stingy with his love and affection and that is what I need from him more then all the material items in the world. I tell him this but it doesnt get through to him.
I feel like a total B*tch wanting him to make love to me as I know he works hard and is tired or in pain(we both suffer back problems) ect, and I understand and try to be good about it, but I cant help it when I feel aroused and want to be able to love him and am not allowed to.? Yet he always expects me to be available when he is in the mood. To me that is not fair, as I thought a marriage is suppose to work both ways.? That you do for your partner and your partner does for you.? I could understand him refusing me now and then, but continuiously for 3 years.?
He works in age care and has 3x days off one week and 2x days off the other week. I try not to ask him for sex when he is working as I know he is tired after work but he still refuses me on his days off too, so I cant win no matter what I do.?
We've been to 2 councilors already with no success. They both said that he is just plain lazy in a relationship. And doesnt want to do anything to improve our marriage. So we quit going to them after only a visit.
My husband has a silver tongue. He can charm his way out of anything, and he also can find an excuse or a loop hole out of any situation. Which is extremely infuriating at times, because no matter what I say or suggest he has an excuse for it.
I feel like I'm suffocating. Even now, I feel like I cant breathe, and I'm crying and feeling alone because this last week, he has been going to bed early and not spending any time with me. He's kisses have gotten fewer, he doesnt cuddle with me anymore. I ask him if he has someone else he says no, he loves me and only me. I believe he loves me but I dont understand why he doesnt want to love me romantically, physically.?
Why did he marry me if he hates sex so much.? He knew I needed affection, and wanted a sexual relationship from the very start so its not like I sprung it on him.? He told me that after we were Married he would become more sexual because then I would be his wife, yet our love life is worse now then it ever was. We've been married almost a year, for 8 months I have been sleeping on the couch. We dont share a bed together anymore. Why..? Because he snores extremely loud and grinds his teeth madly. He also falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, so he doesnt even at least cuddle me for a minute before falling asleep.
We want to have children, and we both were suppose to get tested to make sure we are able to have them. I've been for my tests, yet he wont go for his sperm test. He got a referral, lost it conveniately and waited 3 months before getting another referral. He has it now and its been 9 months and still he is not going for the sperm test.
I'm really giving up with our marriage. I think of divorce on a daily basis, which I dont really want to do as both of us come from divorced homes. I'm not the kind of woman that men fall over their own feet to get a date with, as I am shy and quiet and dont go to bars, or clubs ect.
I can not stand being in a relationship like this. I am depressed on a daily basis. I just want to scream and cry cause I hurt so much in side. I truely do love my husband, he is kind and funny and he is caring when he wants to be. I want to give him so much love and do so much for him. Why does he not want me.? Why am I so horrible to love.?
I really wish I was dead, then I dont have to worry about hurting anymore or being rejected. All my life I've been rejected by those I love and now I'm married to another person who rejects me. I know I'm not perfect either, no one is truely perfect, but I ask for so little from my husband.
I just want to be loved like a woman.