If you want to continue this discussion, I"m game.
Since the hysterectomy, the only orgasms I've had have been in my sleep and those have been far and few between. I've gotten close to one or two with my husband but it never goes over that edge.
You know. . .your comment really struck a cord with me because "the edge" comment really echoes a discussion my best man in my wedding and I had during my break-up and discussion of sex.
HE confided in me that his wife uses a vibrator to "get her over the edge/hump" during sex and he says, "You know. . .I really appreciate it and so does my brother in law."
Now hear me out. . .because I am starting with a superficial solution but I do think there is an "Ah ha!" moment in your relationship too.
Anyway, I know the thought of a vibrator can be disconcerting to both partners in their own way. For the woman, she is maybe not sure she can lay there and just be the one 100% "being pleasured" with her husband watching and holding her and worried that her man may feel inadequate. To the man, he may feel inadequate.
My philosophy though would be at first, I'd be like. "Man. . .I wish I could please her like that!" but then after awhile I'd be like, "Well, hell, I know my penis can't do that (without a ring anyway, lol) so why even try to compete with it?" I"d just accept I've been bested and get on board.
The important thing is you are having "playtime" with your hubby.
Now. . .onto your relationship. . .the deeper matza ball. It sounds like your husband is a "kept man" and you are not cool with that. SOoner or later, you are going to have to have a diplomatic conversation, as much as you can muster with the diplomacy that you don't want a "Kept Man" and it may not be all lost - I would think most men don't want to be a kept man so some changes should be made there on his part.
What's he doing in the house all day while you are gone working, if he can't drive? I would imagine he's frustrated by that. . .but there's got to be something he could do. . .a part time business. . .I am not sure on immigration law but if he's not here legally, maybe the relationship should be suspended until he is.
I know immigration is a sensitive issue and one that I am not completley informed on but he needs guest working papers, something so he can go out of the house and do something during the day, no?
Or am I missing something?