Not sure if wife enjoys sex or if she is "doing her duty"?

jhnhiller · 01-30-2010, 04:52 PM

I have been married for over 20 years and for the most part the marriage is fine. We get along and we rarely fight, but it seems sex is the problem. My wife and i have sex usually twice a week or so, but it is always started by me. Our sex is very good and she seems to enjoy herself as i always make sure she is pleased. The problem is that if i didnt initiate the sex it would never happen. When we do get into arguments over things and i dont get things rolling, it could go on for weeks and she does not seem to mind. After a while she knows i get mad and she will say "alright lets go, im tired of you pouting." Or something like that. I am just tired of always having to be the one to suggest sex. I feel like she has no interest, yet she lets me do what i want to keep the peace in the marriage. She knows how i feel and it is hard to discuss without a fight. I guess my question is is it possible she enjoys sex once we start but simply has no drive herself to initiate it? Or is she just doing her wifely duty when i ask? It is getting very hard to keep trying when i feel she is not trying in return. Eventually this will end our marriage since our youngest is almost thru with high school and I feel I am to young to be in a marriage without a partner who does not feel attracted to me like i am to her. Thanks in advance.

MrP.Bodybig · 01-30-2010, 05:06 PM

Ask for her honest answer, and if she is less than satisfied ask what you can do to make her satisfied

jhnhiller · 01-30-2010, 05:13 PM

This has come up over the years and she says she is happy and satisfied with our sex, and I believe that because i truly make it "all about her". Yet she can never explain why she never initiates sex, and why she is not bothered if weeks go by and we don't get together. I can only conclude she is tolerating sex to keep the marriage together. Its very frustrating since the rest of the marriage is great.

MrP.Bodybig · 01-30-2010, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhnhiller

I can only conclude she is tolerating sex to keep the marriage together.

If you and wife are in love, there should not be anything you are afraid to talk about. Ask if this is how she feels.

MEM11363 · 01-30-2010, 08:26 PM

Have you tried to make things "interesting"? Do you ever totally take control and hold her down. Is it possible that your version of having sex is very - I will touch you in this nice way until you come as opposed to "I the man am now in charge - and we are going to have fun while doing this MY way".

Read the threads about the guys - push their wife up against the wall give her an intense kiss and then walk away without a word.

Not to oversimplify but for me, some of this starts and ends in the gym. When I start saying things like "strip" we are in two parallel worlds.

The one where she knows I would never hit her because I never have. And the other in which she "sees" the culmination of thousands/tens of thousands of generations of aggressive males - my ancestors - who all successfully competed for, and mated with women and then protected their children to maturity. And when she hears the edge in my voice and sees the muscles rippling as I walk toward her - well the word "strip" takes on a whole different meaning.

The difference between begging for sex/commanding sex is so large the two aren't even in the same room.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhnhiller

I have been married for over 20 years and for the most part the marriage is fine. We get along and we rarely fight, but it seems sex is the problem. My wife and i have sex usually twice a week or so, but it is always started by me. Our sex is very good and she seems to enjoy herself as i always make sure she is pleased. The problem is that if i didnt initiate the sex it would never happen. When we do get into arguments over things and i dont get things rolling, it could go on for weeks and she does not seem to mind. After a while she knows i get mad and she will say "alright lets go, im tired of you pouting." Or something like that. I am just tired of always having to be the one to suggest sex. I feel like she has no interest, yet she lets me do what i want to keep the peace in the marriage. She knows how i feel and it is hard to discuss without a fight. I guess my question is is it possible she enjoys sex once we start but simply has no drive herself to initiate it? Or is she just doing her wifely duty when i ask? It is getting very hard to keep trying when i feel she is not trying in return. Eventually this will end our marriage since our youngest is almost thru with high school and I feel I am to young to be in a marriage without a partner who does not feel attracted to me like i am to her. Thanks in advance.