Is life without sex possible?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Is life without sex possible?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree32Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-03-2010, 12:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 15
Default Is life without sex possible?

Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question:

- Consider you do have sexual desire;
- Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);

- Question A: is life without sex possible?
- Question B: is it feasible/reasonable to keep the marriage alive?
- Question C: can you indeed call marriage a relationship without sex?

Your views, please
mirmex is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-03-2010, 12:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 92
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

of course to all A,B,C

life and love is not able XXX
it is about the feeling with being with someone that you care about.
LuckyCharmH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2010, 01:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
HappyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 271
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

My H and I separated about a month ago-we've had sex maybe 3 times, and I mean, it's rough. That was the one thing I cherished (and he did, too) and now it's practically gone, and I miss it very much.
I guess you could say yes to these, but you'd be missing out on a beautiful part of marriage.
HappyAtLast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2010, 01:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 6,515
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

It is not about sex - it is about love. So ask yourself this instead: Am I willing to stay married to someone who does not love me in the truest sense of the word.

And over time - sex isn't about lust - because even for people who stay fit - lust fades a decent amount over a long marriage.

Last night I came home from being away 2 weeks on business. My wife had a really rough time (our eldest child did some really bad stuff while I was gone) during my trip. I tried to be as supportive and kind over the phone as I could while I was away.

I get in last night - and I am physically craving her. She seems a bit uncomfortable though so I ask and it turns out she has this inflammation thing going on - combination of menopause and stress. So she is feeling zero lust. And I look her in the eye and say "babe - I know you are uncomfortable - I can chill for a few days or I can take care of myself in the bathroom (note: I never do that - like literally once in the last 3 years - I save all my energy for her).

I am thinking - she is depressed about daughter - and she has a painful inflammation. No way are my needs more important than hers.

She just smiles and says I want to please you a different way - and I WANT to ok - so just lay back on the bed and let me have my way with you. And I did so she could.

But if you think about what happened - we BOTH put the other first. Completely. And if I had sensed that she was acting out of a sense of obligation I would have pretended to be too jet-lagged to perform. But if she had acted indifferent to my needs - after 2 weeks - I would have been hurt. And if that was her normal mode of behavior - it just wouldn't fly.

A wife who is indifferent to her husbands intense sexual frustration, feelings of rejection, and loss of self esteem, is a very bad wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mirmex View Post
Elsewhere in other threads I have explained my personal problems, but here I would like to raise a more general question:

- Consider you do have sexual desire;
- Consider you cannot satisfy your sexual desire with your husband/wife (many forum participants claim they do not get sex from their partners, in my case I have reached to the point where I no longer want sex with her because of persistent refusal during a long period of time);

- Question A: is life without sex possible?
- Question B: is it feasible/reasonable to keep the marriage alive?
- Question C: can you indeed call marriage a relationship without sex?

Your views, please
MEM11363 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2010, 07:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 144
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

Yes to all three questions in my case. I'm in a busted relationship but we decided to stay together for our child. It's difficult sometimes but it works. I think our final acceptance that we no longer desired each other on any level was a huge relief for both my gf and myself. Of course, I miss a woman's warmth but I have discovered I have a great imagination
steve71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2010, 08:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 31
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

A. I guess so, but why you would want it.
B. Only if you think you can put the lack of sex away. If not, it will eventually erode away the good parts of the relationship.
C. I would not call it a marriage. I would call it a platonic relationship.
keefer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2010, 02:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 15
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by keefer View Post
A. I guess so, but why you would want it.
B. Only if you think you can put the lack of sex away. If not, it will eventually erode away the good parts of the relationship.
C. I would not call it a marriage. I would call it a platonic relationship.
I think I'd agree with keefer, and also with star. I just wonder what changed inside myself that make this lack unbearable after ten years of really low level of sex. But ok, I said this was a survey, so I'll not comeback to my personal issue.

I'd like to make an additional question. Suppose you cannot bear the lack of sex. What would you do:
a) you would quit your husband/wife so as to be able to have a new relationship without cheating.
b) you would cheat, so you could keep the rest of thing associated to your marriage (way of life, kids, etc.)

This is maybe the biggest dilemma I have right now, although I am postponing to give myself an answer...
mirmex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2010, 03:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,170
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

could i live without it........yes
can i live happily without it.........no
okeydokie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2010, 03:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Central California
Posts: 174
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

I think it's possible but I think both people have to want it. I think it ceases to be a marriage once a spouse is denying sex to that extent. It may be a marriage on paper but you're nothing more then roommates at that point.

The Christian in me says that you should stay married despite being in a sexless relationship, particularly if you have kids provided you have a good relationship and get along otherwise. Breaking up a home can be devastating.

So I think it is possible if you have incredible restraint and will power but it's horrible IMO that some women think this is okay and somehow men end up being monsters for wanting to be sexual.

And I know a lot of people will disagree but I think it's BS that the man shouldn't be entitled to go out and have some sex on the side as long as he's being discreet and safe about it if he is in a sexless marriage. Quite frankly I think the act of a wife denying sex completely is far worse then a husband cheating. Of course that's not how it would play out if you were found out. I'm not saying that cheating is at all the right thing to do, no sex just doesn't seem right...
mike1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2010, 03:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Central California
Posts: 174
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star View Post
Mike1, If the man is entitled to go out and have sex on the side, then the woman should also be aloud to as well, not just a one way street.
Absolutely! I should have said if a spouse is denying their partner sex completely then the person wanting sex should be entitled to take care of those needs elsewhere. Man or woman, both ways for sure!
mike1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2010, 05:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,170
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

i gotta say i disagree with that. divorce then have at it, if the spouse withholding sex or with zero libido cannot see the need to seek serious help either mentally and/or medically, then i cannot see how the marriage can be the least bit healthy.

of course that doesnt include the scenario where neither spouse wants sex, i gotta believe thats fairly rare.
okeydokie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-31-2012, 03:28 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 74
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

If you are talking about a relationship, i.e a marriage or equivalent I would say not really, but we all have other relationships were sex does not even come in to it
Bluemoon1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-31-2012, 03:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 513
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

This is a thread back from the grave.

I don't think there is an answer to this question

Marriage without sex is possible if both parties are content with that arrangement.

If not, there is almost certainly going to be a problem. I still marvel at the spouses who convince themselves otherwise. If sex is so easily dispensed with so is absolutely everything else about the marriage.

Like the OP my marriage started out as a sexual problem but now it has morphed into something much bigger and it is very hard and perhaps impossible to undo the damage a few years down the road.
Lionelhutz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-31-2012, 04:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mirmex View Post
- Question A: is life without sex possible?
For women: Yes.

For men: No.
nameuser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-31-2012, 05:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 126
Default Re: Is life without sex possible?

Yes. But it takes so much joy out of it
Posted via Mobile Device
Knoxvillekelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wife's past sex life vs. current sex life expressjones Sex in Marriage 58 06-01-2013 10:08 AM
Hubby's "old life" = Nonexistant Sex Life Now terris7777 Sex in Marriage 12 10-24-2010 02:56 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:51 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage