would you ever tell your wife if you were having an open heart to heart conversation?
I am having trouble with my H masturbating to porn about 2 times per week
I found out by checking the computer history and I know he has "taken care of himself" because he will not want sex on the day he looked at porn
he denys it and gets VERY defensive about the subject-he WILL not touch on this subject AT ALL
I wish he was more open with me
I would totally admit that I masturbated if he asked me
What hurts me-and why this is a huge issue for me is the days he masturbates to porn he usually does not want to have sex
When I masturbate I still WANT my husband and not deny him any sex, I would never say no to my man if he wants sex
I cant get over this issue with my H masturbating to porn a few times a week
I dont understand myself and why I get so upset with this because we have sex about 3 times per week
I just wish I "didnt care" that he watched porn and masturbates
I have TRIED talking to him already, he denys, denys, denys and says: whats the big deal about porn? that most men watch it and its not a big deal, I TRIED telling him it hurts me but its like I am beating a dead horse when I talk to him about it so I am trying to just "deal with it" and cope with it
I know I have posted other threads on here about porn but just wanted to get some info on men/masturbating to see if this will ease my thoughts at all-and help me deal with this
So men, how often do you masturbate during the week?
Would you prefer your wife or gf over masturbation?
Would you ever tell your wife or gf if both of you were having a "lets tell each other everything" conversation?
Why are you scared to tell your wife?
Do you prefer porn over actual sex at times?
Is it because of the variety of visuals vs just "the wife"?
So men, how often do you masturbate during the week? On average twice a week.
Would you prefer your wife or gf over masturbation?Not a chance!
Would you ever tell your wife or gf if both of you were having a "lets tell each other everything" conversation? I am the one to initiate these kinds of conversations with my wife.
Why are you scared to tell your wife?No, but she is scared to tell me things at times. I think it depends on the person.
Do you prefer porn over actual sex at times?Again,a not a chance...
Is it because of the variety of visuals vs just "the wife"?
Thanks in advance for your help
Just as an example, last Sunday I masturbated twice while she was at work and was geared up and ready for sex that night. When I am very horny, I will need to release a bit before to make sure that I can last a while. This is going to be different for most men. I have a very high drive and can have sex many times during a day. Your problem is that he is not able to do that, and when he masturbates he can't seem to get the energy to go again. I do know that when my wife masturbates, she is not in the mood to go again that day, and it can be very frustrating. I think that you are going to have to pull a hard line with him. Make sure he understands that by masturbating he is taking away his drive to be with you, and that is not ok in the least bit.
Well like said above men it all depends on the sex drive. I stay horny all the time I masturbate AT LEAST once a day and my wife knows I do. We actually masturbate together. I do not know what it is about me that makes me have to do it so much, but is has been like that since I was like 13. I prefer sex with my wife over masturbating but she has always had problems with pain in that area so she does not enjoy sex as much as I would like her to. So I stick to masturbating. I am always the joke when friends and I get together about not getting any from my wife.
A lot of my friends wonder why I stay with her when I don't get sex often, they just don't know what true love is I guess. I respect that sex is more painful than pleasurable for her, we have been together since our early teens and she lost her virginity to me and she has always had trouble taking me.
I do not think it is because of the variety of visuals because we could vision who we want while we have sex. I myself like porn, I could watch it like a movie, but I always get horny watching it and can't help but masturbate. Maybe he is the same way and just likes porn and cannot help to masturbate. I don't know if you have tried it or if you are even comfortable with trying it, but maybe watch some porn together?
When me and my wife would watch porn together we usually end up doing it, plus you learn some pretty good moves
But I prefer sex with my wife over masturbating any day.
I have a different point of view - I think the fact is that the vast majority of men masturbate and I just think it rarely has anything to do with their desire to be with a partner. H tells me it's a comfortable routine and I believe him.
I think if you draw a "hard line" with your husband and try to forbid him from masturbating you are only going to drive him underground about it and the intimacy you share - sexual and otherwise, the otherwise being more important IMO - will suffer.
Instead, I'd let him know that you don't mind him masturbating but you want to be sure he's up for sex too. If there are specific things about porn that are bothersome to you, I would separate those out from the masturbation, and discuss them entirely separately.
It sounds like his approach of "deny, deny, deny" is grounded only in not feeling safe to tell the truth about it, whether that's because he's embarrassed, ashamed, or perhaps worried about making you more upset. The more you can make him feel safe and accepted, the more likely he is to engage in conversation with you. Drawing a hard line and telling him not to masturbate isn't going to get him to stop, and it certainly isn't going to have him feel safe about discussing it with you.
I was in the EXACT same boat as you!! Its like I couldve written that post myself..... but with my hubs i was trying to get him to CUT BACK to only masturbating 2 times a week using porn. I got weirded out if i knew he masturbated and then wanted to have sex on the same day.....
Since then we've started watching the porn togheter, and lemme tell you, it alot better. We watch those sort of movie based (i guess your would call couples porn) types, and its definitely a turn on.
I actually find it kind of funny when we watch them together because generally i want to watch the whole thing b4 getting it on, and by then (after like 7 sex scenes) hes usually freaking out wanting some :-)
Honey, there's no easy way around what your feeling. Most days now I'm cool with it,, but every once n a while it still bothers me, and i still get upset. It say to do with our own insecurities. If we can truely be happy and confident, its just roll off our shoulders..
(p.s. with how ur hubs responds, its DEFINITELY him thinking its easier to deny and lie than to tell the truth and get into ANOTHER arguement with you because he knows it bothers you. And if you sit there and try to tell him you never want him to watch it, i guarentee that he will continue to watch it, and it will probably make it that much more exciting........)
would you ever tell your wife if you were having an open heart to heart conversation?
So men, how often do you masturbate during the week? - At least once a day
Would you prefer your wife or gf over masturbation? - I never prefer to masturbate. If I had the choice I'd be ecstatic and would always choose her!
Would you ever tell your wife or gf if both of you were having a "lets tell each other everything" conversation? She's asked and I've told her, she knows I take care of myself a lot.
Why are you scared to tell your wife?
Do you prefer porn over actual sex at times? Never
Is it because of the variety of visuals vs just "the wife"?
Thanks in advance for your help
My wife found my stash of porn a while ago and I told her I would get rid of it. I did but it didn't take long before I downloaded more. As I explained to her, I use porn because as a man I'm a very visual person and want that additional stimulation. I don't prefer the porn over her and would rather be with her 100% of the time. There is never a time I would rather jerk off then have sex with my wife.
Your situation is different and I don't understand it. I look at porn a lot but it's not because I prefer it to my wife. I think it's strange that he watches porn and then doesn't want you. Have you explained to him fully that there's no need for him to do that and you will take care of his sexual needs 100%? (I can't explain how effing happy I would be if I ever had that situation)
Porn and masturbation is a very hard thing to discuss with my wife. It's always been a personal, private thing. I don't like to discuss it, probably has a lot to do with knowing that she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand how strong my sexual needs are so she's not going to understand that aspect. Even though I tell her I'm not doing it to look at more attractive women that's how she sees it.
I do it out of necessity because I have no choice if I want to get off so I don't understand how someone would choose to take care of themselves if they had a willing participant. Makes me mad to think that there are guys out there wasting opportunities like that when there are so many guys out there wishing they had it!!
I think you are completely justified in being upset. It's interfering with your sex life so therefore it is an issue. I look at like my situation where I might get sex 3 times a month now but want it DAILY. If I found out that my wife was taking care of herself multiple times a week and possibly looking at porn I would be absolutely irate. I don't know what the answer is but it seems like he is choosing the porn and masturbation over you and that might mean there's an addiction problem.
Hi, this is my just second posting here and so I hope I get things right!
So men, how often do you masturbate during the week?
A: Every day. I always have done because I need daily sexual release and my gf's desires weren't as pressing. She was happy with this.
Would you prefer your wife or gf over masturbation?
A: My gf but the sheer indulgence of solo pleasure was also a real delight.
Would you ever tell your wife or gf if both of you were having a "lets tell each other everything" conversation?
A: Yes, we made shared masturbation an integral, very exciting, part of our love-making right from the start.
Why are you scared to tell your wife?
A: Well, now we just respect each other's privacy.
Do you prefer porn over actual sex at times?
Is it because of the variety of visuals vs just "the wife"?
A: Sometimes it's nice to have your own treat I love civilized erotica and it moves me as a potent focal point for unlocking a wide range of feelings - maybe as a device for erotic meditation, going deep down inside myself. As for variety, sometimes just one image will resonate for me for a very long time. I think the pleasures of erotica are simple and obvious but had I felt the balance shifting from a lover's warmth to a preference for masturbation then alarm bells would have started ringing.
I'm sorry to read of your distress over these issues. I do wonder if, like the Chinese proverb, crisis might also be seen as opportunity? Might you both be able to bring your solo pleasures in from the cold and integrate them into the warmth of your love-making?
So men, how often do you masturbate during the week? 2-4 times on average
Would you prefer your wife or gf over masturbation?
Of course
Would you ever tell your wife or gf if both of you were having a "lets tell each other everything" conversation? I would
Why are you scared to tell your wife?
She thinks I am oversexed already
Do you prefer porn over actual sex at times? Nope
Is it because of the variety of visuals vs just "the wife"
Basically I know when my wife is going to be willing to have sex. But I need it more that that. My wife never initiates sex, so it is pretty much up to me. If I have masturbated that day, then I do not need to initiate sex.
If I had masturbated that day, and my wife initiated sex, I would be full in no problem.
I forgot to ask another important question in my survey! doh!
So men, how often do you masturbate during the week?
Would you prefer your wife or gf over masturbation?
Would you ever tell your wife or gf if both of you were having a "lets tell each other everything" conversation?
Why are you scared to tell your wife?
Do you prefer porn over actual sex at times?
Is it because of the variety of visuals vs just "the wife"?
MOST IMPORTANTLY do you have a normal sex life? about how many times a week do you have sex?
bc we have a VERY normal, hot and steamy sex life which makes me even more confused that he masturbates so much
thanks again for your replies!!
Millania007, i would not fret too much over him masturbating, sometimes guy's (and girls) just want to have a release without worrying about pleasing their partners, it's just pure pleasure/release driven and I think if we are all honest pretty much all of us do it.
Also the fact that you say your sex life is hot and steamy, I don't think you have anything to worry about, just say to him the next time he feels like having a solo session can you have a front row seat and watch
thank you everyone so far for replying, it really means a lot and helps me to cope with this dark cloud I cant seem to understand
@Mike1-U know it really depends on the day
1st day he looked at porn this week and when I got home from work he did not let me get dressed after my shower, he ripped my towel off and we went at it-it was wonderful as always
then 2nd day he looked at porn(2 days later) when I got home from work he was more distant(like he took care of his own business) I even asked him for some and he said we couldnt
(bc we live with others) and it wasnt the right "opportunity" for us to sneak off into the room
at least that was his "excuse" but in a way it was kind of true
its obvious though he had already pleased himself because he didnt rush to get in bed with me that night, he stayed awake so obviously he was not horny
so it really just depends on the day
Unfort I gues wishing he would save every erection for me is too selfish of me to want
You guys are right, he denys/lies because he is ashamed and embarrassed
@MIKE-YES I think he looks at it to look at HOTTER girls-like ur wife thinks-totally-my husband knows he can have me 100% but unfort he CANT wait until I get home from work, so there are some days he takes care of himself instead, I gues he is impatient
and possibly on some days would rather do an easy 6minute jerk off session than to take the TIME to have sex
not to mention like I already have above we live with others so we have to find the perfect opportunity to be with each other
I never really thought about it that way: that maybe he just sees it as an easier way to climax instead of jumping through hoops to try and find the "right time" since we dont go to bed at the same time each night
we have sex like 3 times a week so I gues I am getting upset for the wrong reasons, maybe I am just insecure about myself
I gues it would be a much bigger problem if I wasnt geting NO sex during the week at all
Its usually 1 time until the weekend(most other days during week he does himself), then weekends thankfully we have a lot of sex
and I DONT initiate sex because I have gotten rejected a couple times and it really sent my confidence level down the drain
so hubby usually always initates it, and at least its about 3 times a week, I gues I need to be thankful he stil finds me sexy and still "goes for it" about 3 times a week, I gues it would be a much worse situation if I wasnt getting any at all
thanks again everyone, keep the answers/advice comin'
Millania, I should have said that my gf and I ceased to make love some years back. (We stay together for our child). But while we were lovers it was no problem at all to masturbate and make love daily, so there wasn't really an either/or choice to be made.
Reading your messages again, I wonder if your hubby has a high drive and finds it difficult to defer his pleasures, particularly if your home circumstances make opportunities for love-making unpredictable? Is he an impulsive man? Just a thought...
@Steve71-U know I never really looked at it that way! he is very impulsive, I have insecurity issues since I gained some weight, jogging daily to loose it BUT anyway I dont really walk around our bedroom naked(he hates that I dont walk around nekkid lol) ANYWAY as soon as my towel falls or he catches a glimpse of any body part,he gets hard and wants to go at it so YES he is very impulsive and u are right: the opportunity for us to make love is difficult we cant just do it whenever we want! we live with others and we go 2 bed at different times-so that makes more sense that we dont do it as much as what would tame his sex drive
what frustrates me is that he is just so worked up during the day when I am away that he has to masturbate before I even get home, I gues I just wished he saved all that hot sexual energy for me-but I cant talk about it with him because he denys he masturbates so its a catch 22
Men how often do you masturbate and..
Re: Men how often do you masturbate and..
I love civilized erotica and it moves me as a potent focal point for unlocking a wide range of feelings - maybe as a device for erotic meditation, going deep down inside myself. As for variety, sometimes just one image will resonate for me for a very long time. I think the pleasures of erotica are simple and obvious but had I felt the balance shifting from a lover's warmth to a preference for masturbation then alarm bells would have started ringing.
