jgn2112fletch

By "lose it" I mean, do you lose interest in the person after you get what you're after?
My wife (IMHO) suffers from the classic case of wanting what she doesn't have, and going through a great deal to get it, then when she gets it, she loses interest and takes it for granted.
That's how it is for my marriage. She wanted me BAD while we were dating and engaged. She couldn't get enough of me. Then after we get married, it dropped off and over the last 8 years, it's slowly but steadily just gotten worse.
Do any of you have any experience with this?

jgn2112fletch

No one?

marriedguy

after only 2 and a half years its become somewhat like that...for example, my wife hasnt suggested sex in almost 2 years now, while we were dating she wanted to be with my penis all the time...now she doesnt care whatsoever, she just goes along with whatever I do..If I ask her to touch my penis she will do it, if she doesnt first fall asleep that is...

Nekko

Depends on how your brain works. I'm still chasing my husband and i'm aware i'll never 'have' him. He's independent and a free person. I still see him cooking in the kitchen and think 'ah, he's so hot, and i can't have him right now cause he's busy'...which brings a lot of arrousal. I can't control him and don't live in his pocket so i can't ever say the thrill of the hunt is over. It'll be there till i'm 80-90 from my point of view.

I however, were too readily available till a while ago and this had some pretty bad consequences. Specially since my hubby is the 'oh, ok, i know all your reactions and thoughts now'. As soon as i became more 'mysterious' letting him know that he doesn't really know all that i'm thinking, things changed a lot.

And we're in a 8 year marriage. Maybe try be a bit more independent and slightly shake her sense of 'she has you'? i don't mean leaving her or anything extreme. When you're doing something, you saying that you want it your way and not hers may even do the trick.

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jgn2112fletch

my wife won't even do that. she just does nothing. when she was in college, there was this guy who was in love with her, but she just liked him as a friend. you know, a really sweet, great guy...the kind of sh*t i hate to hear. anyway, that went on for about two years. then one night when shes out at the bar with her girlfriends, she asks where he is and one ofthem says hes getting ready to go out on a date with this chick he's been seeing and right then and there she got up to leave to go after him. her girlfriends actually stopped her and were like, "uh uh...you had your chance. leave him be."
I honestly think that's what is happening with me in our marriage. She wanted me, we had lots of sex, she got me, and now that she has me, she doesn't care.

MEM11363

My wife would say the same thing.

x2startermom

What if you never had it? As I've never had the urge to go concur anything.

jgn2112fletch

I kinda don't know what the message is here...is it, make myself more unavailable? Is it, go do what I want to do and not entirely consider anything else? Basically take a 'me first' attitude, to an extent?

Atholk

She seems to be wired stongly for the chase. So you're going to have to give her something to chase.

I would spend some time reading up on PUA Game and apply it to her.

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jgn2112fletch

Yeah, we're definitely at the "stale" phase for sure. I'm still head over heals for her, but I think I just do nothing for her.

Nekko

The message is 'make yourself more interesting'. Make her feel like she isn't going to know whatever you're doing before you're doing it. If you're heading for the kitchen and she KNOWS you'll be making the same old coffee with cream, coming back to the room and sitting on the same chair...this is really bad. Because further on she'll know you'll be doing the same thing while having sex, how you'll behave when doing anything. This is boring (which is not such a problem) and incredibly safe for her (which is crap if she wants a chase).

Smile, tease, flirt, joke around. People don't tease their spouses as much as they ought to these days. I used to stomp my foot and pout for sex before, now i just traded the atitude for running around the house in small underwear, pretending my husband doesn't exist and checking myself out in the mirror. It's not the underwear and the way i look that works for him as much as it works that I ignore him when i do that. Sometimes even covering myself up on purpose from his eyes works. Because it makes him wonder why. Suddenly smiling and being happy for no reason also works, and is usually followed by his question of 'what are you thinking about' . This means he has no clue what i'm thinking about and i can freely tease and flirt and create some mistery. Hope you understand what i mean from there examples. You said it right, less available, but not rude...and you don't have to be in another room or with other activities either. You just have to become more interesting and desirable in her eyes. It takes practice and time but it should work eventually.

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