Male sex drive
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 08-24-2013, 07:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Male sex drive

Hi,
My question is, is it normal for a 50 year old married man to only want sex once a week? My husband and I have been together 25 years and have always had an active sex life. In the last 3 years he has really slowed down in desire dept. and he doesn't seem to be as sexual as he used to be. He works 50 hours a week and I know age does slow you down, but I want to hear from real people to see what they think. We are both in great shape and healthy and he is extremely affectionate to me, but he doesn't seem to want me all the time like he used to and it is making me insecure, I guess. He says he loves me and is still attracted to me, just tired from long hours. Thanks for your input.
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

When you do have sex, who does all the work?

I'm not even 40 yet, and work less than 50 hours a week, but I find going on top pretty physically tiring compared to when I was in my early 20s. I like my wife to take the top bunk most of the time. She is a bit younger and being lighter means she has less weight to haul about. Plus I get to enjoy the view and I have my hands free squeeze or rub whichever bits of her I like, which is nice for her as well as me, whereas if I'm on top, my hands are mostly holding me up so I don't squash the poor lass.
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

His work schedule definitely has something to do with it. And even though he's in good shape physically, men begin to lose our testosterone later in life, which has a direct effect on our sex drive.

There are all kinds of natural supplements out there which can boost testosterone and overall energy safely, but I'm sure you're already aware of that. I would suggest starting there and giving it a few weeks to see if that helps any.
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Old 08-24-2013, 08:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Male sex drive

I'm 52. My sex drive slowed a bit from my 30s. But, I'm probably not a good representation of what you are looking for.

I actually have a higher drive now than when in my 40s. Why? It has to do with staying fit, eating right and I completely stop drinking. I exercise religiously, really watch what I eat and my vitals (bp, hr, weight, etc) are equivalent to my 20s.

Once a week? My wife wouldn't allow it .
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Old 08-24-2013, 08:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

I am 54, male, and I had my prostate removed because of cancer, and yes I suffer from ED and I still want it daily. But due to my wife I am lucky if once every 3 weeks anymore.
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Old 08-24-2013, 08:39 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Ariel71...it does appear that some men do slow down a bit as they get older :-( ....my big guy used to be a 4-5 day a week kinda man now at 54 I am doing good to get him to 2 times a week and maybe a bj's in there if I am lucky. I would have his "T" tested to see if it is dropping....start there.
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Old 08-25-2013, 10:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Thanks for everyone's reposes. It gives me something to think about. I have also thought that may I am premenopausal and just more in the mood then I used to be? I just know it is becoming very noticeable in our marriage.
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Old 08-25-2013, 11:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariel71 View Post
Hi,
My question is, is it normal for a 50 year old married man to only want sex once a week? My husband and I have been together 25 years and have always had an active sex life. In the last 3 years he has really slowed down in desire dept. and he doesn't seem to be as sexual as he used to be. He works 50 hours a week and I know age does slow you down, but I want to hear from real people to see what they think. We are both in great shape and healthy and he is extremely affectionate to me, but he doesn't seem to want me all the time like he used to and it is making me insecure, I guess. He says he loves me and is still attracted to me, just tired from long hours. Thanks for your input.
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I think it's normal Ariel71. I'm 45 and yes my drive has slowed a little. My wife and I prefer a couple of times a week and it's been that way for a few years. I'd be ready to go more often if she want it more but who knows in five more years.

I think it's really important for you to separate fear and insecurity from sex and loving. Wanting sex out of desire is transparent and it's sexy. Wanting sex out of insecurity is also transparent and it's not sexy at all.
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Old 08-25-2013, 12:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Areiel, I'm 52.

T is probably the biggest driver, at least for me. Mine was on the low end, so the doc put me on a T supplement. I felt like I was 17 again! Libido went through the roof.

If he is having some ED issues it could be a factor in his psychology. If he is overweight or uses substances (tobacco, alcohol) he may indeed feel very run down and uninterested in everything.

I would suggest having his hormones checked. Before you do that, do some research. Just getting a gel from his regular doc is likely to not be an intelligent answer. He should get a comprehensive check probably with an endocrinologist.
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Old 08-25-2013, 01:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Ariel,
I can only speak from personal experience. Wife and I are both 50, coming up on our 25th year together. Both very fit, and she looks great. I do love my wife. I am just no longer willing to unconditionally put her needs first.

When my T levels were higher, I didn't even notice a lot of her bad behavior. As they fell I did notice it. And then it became a turn off. I still desire her but honestly, not as much as I could.

We have friends in their early fifties where the H shut the physical part down two years ago. His wife is very attractive. She is also a bit difficult, a lot controlling and 'just guessing' lazy in bed.


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Originally Posted by Ariel71 View Post
Thanks for everyone's reposes. It gives me something to think about. I have also thought that may I am premenopausal and just more in the mood then I used to be? I just know it is becoming very noticeable in our marriage.
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Old 08-25-2013, 03:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
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Old 08-25-2013, 04:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

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Originally Posted by Ariel71 View Post
Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
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Not necessarily, I would say that honest adult non-argumentative communication can go a long way in discussing each others needs. We forget that our largest sex organ is that 3 pound one in our head.

Hopefully it does not bring up a lot of spiteful history, but it is important to let each other know of their sexual needs (regardless of how many years you have been married). It was no uncommon for my wife to push me away at times. I never held it against her. Now she is more HD than I am, but I do what I can, so as not to some how give pay back. It is probably the reason, I have decided to be fastidious about my health. Maturity, sex is for the mature minded for this reason. Never to be used as a tool. At least that is my opinion.

BTW, it is not too out of the norm to see two drops in a males T levels. The first one typically happens around age 50 or so then levels off a bit till the next one at around age 70. The latter one is normally a much bigger drop. There is some peer-reviewed research that suggest the second drop may coincide with non-Alzheimer's dementia. Adding supplements back at age 50 is a bit controversial for some in the medical community. One target for T is the prostate gland, however the evidence is not clear as to whether the receptors for T in the prostate gland remain high after that same time period.

FYI: not necessarily my area of expertise, but I am aware of the research. I primarily do research in the area of developmental biology (Gastrulation and Neurulation)
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Old 08-25-2013, 04:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Well done. You have immediately grasped the hardest theme - which is to look first in the 'mirror'.

Before proceeding I will just add this. I don't reject my wife because: I know that is hurtful and because she is willing to slowly get me super turned on.

If she got in bed and kissed me, expecting I would automagically get hard as a rock without her doing anything else - epic fail. I would reject her. Some stuff that has worked great for us.

A gentle suggestion:
1. Write down a list of his:
- turn ons and
- turn offs
And ask yourself how much effort you put into the turn ons, and whether you also make a real effort to avoid the turn offs. Many turn offs are not explicitly sexual. For example complaining, being highly critical etc.

2. My wife taught me two games early on that we never tired of:
- I touch/you touch
- better one/better two

"I touch/you touch":
He massages you the way he wants you to massage him. And then you switch places and he gives you a little feedback to refine your technique.

Better one/better two:
This is where you do something in terms of a massage stroke and then do a small variation on it. You do the first and ask "better 1"? and then the variant "better 2". This could be:
- harder/softer
- faster/slower
- different direction - vertical/horizontal/diagonal
- Knuckles/finger tips/finger nails

You play these games for a while and you should both become experts in how to give each other an incredible experience.

Once relaxed an inner thigh and/or butt massage can be a huge turn on. The thing is - that should happen after enough non-sensual/vanilla massage touch to relax your partner.

If he responds well to this - you can amp it up. I touch/you touch allows for some fairly intense communication. Let him show you on your finger how he would like you to ....

And you can use his nipple to show him how you best like to be pleasured.




QUOTE=Ariel71;3867378]Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
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Old 08-25-2013, 08:43 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Male sex drive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariel71 View Post
Wow, these responses are really getting me to thinking that I am probably more of the problem than he is, lol. I agree with the gentleman that said insecurity is unattractive, that's probably true. I also know I can be difficult at times, so maybe this is his reaction after all these years? He was hd for years and I pushed him away a lot back them, had little ones and worked swing shift so was always tired. Food for thought!
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It may be biological or it may be more. Not a simple investigation. Good luck.
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Old 08-25-2013, 09:41 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Ariel71 - I can understand why this is concerning you...

Can I ask...what is your relationship like other than the drop in sex?
Is his affectionate levels the same or changed?
Is he still wanting to have fun when you do get into sex play, wanting to please you?
Does he look at you during sex/keep his eyes open? Do you feel connected to him?

Is he healthy? Stressed?

Have you actually discussed any of this with him?
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