Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-12-2010, 04:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

I did a search on anal sex in this forum, and seems like there's alot of people on here who enjoy it alot with their wives...so I thought this would be a good place to get some advice on the topic, and my wives problem with anal sex.

First off, my wife isnt the one to initiate sex..I would say I initiate 98 percent of the time...she always goes through with my initiation though, never turns me down, but often doesnt show much or any enthusiasm about sex until we're actually doing it, then she loves it, as long as I am giving it to her...she will rarely take the initiative to do stuff to me, usually I ask for it either by asking, or jokes, or body language.....other than wanting her to initiate more, my problem is anal sex with her..

First time that I touched her anal area she enjoyed it...but I maybe was too persistent (anal sex with a woman has been a life long fantasy of mine, I go crazy for a womans booty..especially my wifes-its real nice) I wanted to have more and more anal activity with her...she was always a bit hesitant..it was a bit painful for her...so I screwed up..even though I used alot of lube...I may have pushed it too much too soon...so we had some pretty bad experiences with anal sex..pretty frustrating nights...so we gave it a break for over 6 months...then with a much more patient approach than the first time we decided to try again...with a different lube..this time I've been taking it even slower and constantly asking how it feels and if I can go a step further or not...if she says no as frustrated as I feel I dont show it...and we stop...sometimes I only play with her anus for a while..usually she doesnt like that too much...although she enjoyes it when I lick it...overall she is just scared of the pain of my penis going inside her that way...so for over 2 months we have had no anal sex...and when I ask her about it now she always seems hesitant about it..but she knows that its something that I think about alot...so she says ok sometimes...but says "just not today"...so I get it...I pushed it too much at first in our marriage...over 2 years later...after trying about 20 times she enjoyed it two times...so its not really her thing...but I cant stop thinking about it...she says shes willing to try again..but I wonder when...sometimes I have said let me know when your ready...I wait for weeks but nothing...so do I just completely stop anal activity with her? Maybe not even do it orally anymore? Maybe she'll miss it one day?
thank you for any advice..
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

My wife loves anal, she likes it better than I do.

I only "ask" for it during time of the month or whatever when the front is off limits.

I will tell you this though, coming from experience, you 100% HAVE to let her have all the control at the beginning, if you push at all when she's not ready, it will hurt, period, no matter what kind of lube you have.

Once she's completely relaxed and has taken you all in and she really starts moving, then, and only then, can you start moving too...even then you still have to be careful.

Also, do not try it doggie style with someone inexperienced like her, it hurts worse.

You have to try either missionary or spooning. I recommend spooning the most because it allows her to control AND allows her to move at the beginning.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum as you, I don't care that much for anal, more fantasize about her giving me oral. I get anal nearly whenever I want because she loves it, but have trouble getting oral.
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

haha, I am a very sexual person..fantasize about her giving me oral..us having anal sex...69...I'm crazy for anything and everything sexual with a woman...for some reason booty gets me crazier than anything else...when I look at a woman..its her booty that I take notice of...I am very lucky to have a wife with a nice ass...but I wish she was more into the anal sex thing...thanks for your post..I'll try it missionary position..we never done that....from spooning position..it doesnt work too well...cant get properly locked that way...works great for cuddling but sex has been difficult like that....havent try anal sex from spooning..I'll give it a whirl...
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Old 02-12-2010, 09:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

I have no idea where you guys found your wifes but you are some lucky SOBs. Anal is my all time fav thing in the world. My wife and I did it once and she hated it...I did it all wrong. But as of right now, my wife doesn't even want me to touch her, let along achieve the holy grail.
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Old 02-12-2010, 09:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

My wife is an anal animal...most times, anyway. She had never done it before meeting me and decided to start experimenting one night when she was on top, grinding away. The first few times there wasn't a whole lot of penetration but each time seemed to get her worked up about taking more and more. It wasn't long afterwards before she was able to take pretty well all of it inside her...but only when she is on top as she can fully control things.

I don't have any desire to try her from behind unless she is the one who asks as I think we both know it could be a little painful for her.

My advice is to get her on top of you and play around a little. It takes patience, though. She needs to work at it slowly until she is, for lack of a better term, stretched enough to accommodate you comfortably. Once it becomes a regular thing, its amazing how much more quickly you will be able to slide into her.

Patience. Patience. Patience.
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Old 02-13-2010, 01:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

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Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
I did a search on anal sex in this forum, and seems like there's alot of people on here who enjoy it alot with their wives...so I thought this would be a good place to get some advice on the topic, and my wives problem with anal sex.

First off, my wife isnt the one to initiate sex..I would say I initiate 98 percent of the time...she always goes through with my initiation though, never turns me down, but often doesnt show much or any enthusiasm about sex until we're actually doing it, then she loves it, as long as I am giving it to her...she will rarely take the initiative to do stuff to me, usually I ask for it either by asking, or jokes, or body language.....other than wanting her to initiate more, my problem is anal sex with her..

First time that I touched her anal area she enjoyed it...but I maybe was too persistent (anal sex with a woman has been a life long fantasy of mine, I go crazy for a womans booty..especially my wifes-its real nice) I wanted to have more and more anal activity with her...she was always a bit hesitant..it was a bit painful for her...so I screwed up..even though I used alot of lube...I may have pushed it too much too soon...so we had some pretty bad experiences with anal sex..pretty frustrating nights...so we gave it a break for over 6 months...then with a much more patient approach than the first time we decided to try again...with a different lube..this time I've been taking it even slower and constantly asking how it feels and if I can go a step further or not...if she says no as frustrated as I feel I dont show it...and we stop...sometimes I only play with her anus for a while..usually she doesnt like that too much...although she enjoyes it when I lick it...overall she is just scared of the pain of my penis going inside her that way...so for over 2 months we have had no anal sex...and when I ask her about it now she always seems hesitant about it..but she knows that its something that I think about alot...so she says ok sometimes...but says "just not today"...so I get it...I pushed it too much at first in our marriage...over 2 years later...after trying about 20 times she enjoyed it two times...so its not really her thing...but I cant stop thinking about it...she says shes willing to try again..but I wonder when...sometimes I have said let me know when your ready...I wait for weeks but nothing...so do I just completely stop anal activity with her? Maybe not even do it orally anymore? Maybe she'll miss it one day?
thank you for any advice..
Coming from a female...

It is ALL about the positioning and comfort. I highly advise against doggy style!! Side-by-side (or spooning as RH suggested) is hands down, the best position. Let her move back and forth so that she is in charge of the depth. Truth be told, I've never experienced pain using this position.

As the others have stated, and I'm you sure you know, anal sex can be verrrrryyy painful and kind of scary when not done right. Unfortunately, in my experience there is a fine line between right and wrong for this. It's either good or AWFUL. Spooning = no pain for me. Doggy style = let's just say, if the first time I did anal was doggy style, I would have never ever tried it again.

Unfortunately, if your wife had a bad experience, she may not be open to it for a while. The number one thing that has to be present in order for it to be a good experience is relaxation on her part.

This may be a little too personal, but do you use fingers down there? If not, maybe you should try. If you do, try gauging her reactions to this. Slowly, maybe try using more fingers to... ahem, loosen her up.

If she is TOTALLY not into anal stuff right now, I'd say back off for a little while (maybe a few weeks?) then slowly work it back into the mix.

And if all else fails, if you guys partake in drinking every now and again... maybe you can loosen her up with a couple drinks? I'm not saying to take advantage of her, buuuuuttt I do know that it will take the edge off!

Personally, the hubby & I tried it about 10 times. He didn't like it as much as he thought he would so he kinda got over it and doesn't ask for it anymore. Before his A, I'd give it to him if he wanted it, but it wasn't my favorite thing ever!
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Old 02-13-2010, 08:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

Just for the record, you should experiment with a medium sized dildo in your own ass before you try anal on your wife. You may see things from her perspective somewhat better.
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Old 02-14-2010, 03:45 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

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Just for the record, you should experiment with a medium sized dildo in your own ass before you try anal on your wife. You may see things from her perspective somewhat better.
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Old 02-14-2010, 01:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

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Just for the record, you should experiment with a medium sized dildo in your own ass before you try anal on your wife. You may see things from her perspective somewhat better.
Actually when she found out how crazy I am about her booty she wanted to try on me..she jokingly suggested a dildo on me..I said no cuz it looks just like a real penis and the thought of that I said was just too gay...that was a couple years ago..but she then went on to use her fingers in me...and the truth about that is it actually feels pretty good to have my prostate rubbed..can reach far greater orgasms this way..so if she would ever suggest a dildo(preferably a prostate massager) I wouldnt turn it down..problem is I rejected it once...and she's like that..you say no to something once and never again will she ask or show any more interest..even though now I am interested in her doing that..I am kinda ashamed to ask her to do it...love the fact of doing anything in bed with her...even if she would take the dominant role now and then..just wish she would push the envelope a little more.......I just have a crazy booty fetish wether it's hers..or her on me.......cant help it that I am into this crazy kinky stuff..
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Old 02-14-2010, 04:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

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Actually when she found out how crazy I am about her booty she wanted to try on me..she jokingly suggested a dildo on me..I said no cuz it looks just like a real penis and the thought of that I said was just too gay...that was a couple years ago..but she then went on to use her fingers in me...and the truth about that is it actually feels pretty good to have my prostate rubbed..can reach far greater orgasms this way..so if she would ever suggest a dildo(preferably a prostate massager) I wouldnt turn it down..problem is I rejected it once...and she's like that..you say no to something once and never again will she ask or show any more interest..even though now I am interested in her doing that..I am kinda ashamed to ask her to do it...love the fact of doing anything in bed with her...even if she would take the dominant role now and then..just wish she would push the envelope a little more.......I just have a crazy booty fetish wether it's hers..or her on me.......cant help it that I am into this crazy kinky stuff..
My husband is just.like.you. in this way. We used to play around like that. Too bad I have a ....erm, how do I put this... guy "hole" phobia. It freaks me out. I don't know why but it seems so unsanitary and I just get the heebie jeebies.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

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My husband is just.like.you. in this way. We used to play around like that. Too bad I have a ....erm, how do I put this... guy "hole" phobia. It freaks me out. I don't know why but it seems so unsanitary and I just get the heebie jeebies.
I wouldnt say that my wife has a "guy hole phobia" like you, she actually was interested in it at first, but I didnt feel comfortable with it..so she kept trying anyways, then when she one day rubbed my g spot that way I was woken up to a whole new level of pleasure..now sometimes I crave her to go there on me..but she wont do it unless I ask...again it's the initiation in our relationship that is unbalanced....I always feel it's completely one sided when it comes to sex...I ask her what her favorite sex position is she responds "I like em all" but then she doesn't want to do 69, anal on her, reverse cowgirl, and very rarely will she enjoy being on top...so obviously she doesn't like em all....I just find her so damn sexy, and going to her dirtiest or most hidden area(her anus) just drives me crazy and somehow I wish she would crave it the way I do.....we got such an awesome marriage, just wish she would initiate more and be little more open to dirty kinkier sex...
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:09 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

u should definitley try anl with your wife someday, it can be so fun if done correctly! The main thing is to use LOTS of lube if u think ur using too much at that time,then thats probably the right amount, I love astroglide, missionary anl is my favorite, we only do it this way bout once every 2 months, my huby is a major booty man so I know what u mean, he just LOVES anl and would do it every weekend if I would let him but it takes WAY too much patience and planning to do it every weekend so we treat it as a "treat" and do it about 6 times per year or so..
getting it in is the toughest part, try warming her up with lots of lube and your finger(mk sure ur nails are super short and trimmed please!) and work ur finger in there first to get it warmed up then slowly try to enter, the first few seconds are the hardest but once you get it in you can slowly start to thrust
I realy hope you geto to do this with your wife, it can be soooo fun! good luck, let us all know how it goes!
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

she has to fully relax before you try and go in too, I literally have to take some deep breathes before taking him in..then once he gets it in we can start getting wild lol
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Old 02-17-2010, 02:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

I hate it... totally. My husband went on and on and on about it for years 15 years and I eventually gave in... it was horrible.. no lube just utter pain, discomfort, disgust that I had given in because he had gone on about it for so long.

We have been married for 22 years this year, we have the same sense of humour, we like the same things, but when it come to anal... we have to agree to disagree. We have done it a dozen time and I HATE it.
But my husband now thinks of nothing else and constantly harps on and on about it still.
I am getting depressed and feel so worthless. He works away from home and I dread him coming home.

It is not because I dont like sex because I do... i am up for it anytime and always have been. But when it come to that .. sorry,.,, no

He does always say he wishes he had done it differently.. but I only did it because HE wanted to do it and to shut him up. I was fed up listening to him going on and on about it. He promised me all sort of things that life would be good etc etc if i did it,,,

So yes there are loads of women out there that love it, but there are loads of women who dont like it either.
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Old 02-18-2010, 11:01 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Keep trying to have Anal sex with my sweet innocent wife

Lillylillac...you said your husband used no lube? Of course there is no way anybody would enjoy it without some kind of lube....you have to use lube..and go very slowly and start out only using fingers and so on...I think it can be extremely sexy as long as it's not painful for my wife...we've agreed to try again this weekend and from normal missionary position we'll see how it goes..the thing I have learned is to take it real real slow, and if I stop when I see that my wife is no longer enjoying it at all or in pain I stop and say.."maybe we should try another day" that is hard to do, but she respects me so much more after that because she knows it's her that I care about most..
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