Re: As predicted, the argument begins...no sex for Valentines Day
My pseudo-spouse is actually dealing with this issue in therapy. And My spouse was victimized (sexually manipulated by an authority figure) and verbally and emotionally abused by her parents.
I'm no shrink - but it's the internet, so I can pretend. Do I recall that your sex life was pretty active prior to marriage?
Here is my wife's issue in a nutshell, and maybe something similar is going on with yours.
Sex made her feel accepted, loved and worthwhile. She used sex as a means to pursue love - enthusiastically. Our relationship was rocky at the start. She was far more invested than I was - and she was sexually aggressive, and creative.
Fast forward to her 'knowing' that she had me; I loved her and wanted to marry her - and everything began to change. What it comes down to, is somewhere deep down, she doesn't actually believe that she deserves to be loved. So, in effect it's all about the pursuit, being inappropriate, and an element of uncertainty, danger and excitement. This is why she chose to pursue an affair rather than work on repairing our marriage. It's also why she pulls away from TOM now that she believes he loves her. It's also why she refuses to be proactive about getting a divorce. Uncertainty is her comfort zone as bizarre as that sounds.
Something to think about. So in your case, the guy that treated her like crap is the relationship that stands out in her mind as exhilarating. You validate her, show her devotion and affection - and basically she doesn't buy it.
Last edited by Deejo; 02-17-2010 at 08:25 PM.
Reason: kant speel