Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 12:28 AM Thread Starter
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Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Hi,

my wife and I are trying to rebuild our marriage which has deteriorated in the past few months. The 2 issues seem to be:
1) she think the sex is bad and feels there's no passion in our relationship (and NEVER has been, probably generally unattracted to me I'm guessing)
2) she's bored with her life in general

I reakon 1 is for me to work on and 2 is her so I am thinking of romantic things to do etc. We hadn't had sex for about 2 weeks and in the middle of the day I pulled the curtins, lit some candles and asked her to come upstairs. I gave her a massage then we had sex and it wasn't great (she doesn't like to do it during the day, she complained about everything).

Anyway, for the past 2 days (that I know of, probably longer), she has been masterbating in bed during the night, while lying next to me. I don't mind the actual act, infact it's a huge turn on, but because of the current state of our sex life (me completely unable to please her, and apparently never have been able to properly) it's really rubbing salt in the wound. I really don't mind her doing it but either don't do it when I'm around, or do it and INVOLVE me.

So last night, I saw her do it again at 3am ish (I sleep 2h a night at the moment). I waited until she had finished and said "were you masterbating?". She said "you're crazy I wasn't doing anything". There's no doubt she was. I said "ok, I want to as well". So I started to. She said "don't you do that here". Hah! Think she was in shock.

She turned over and faced away and I continued to do it, making some low key noises and movements. After about 5 minutes, she got up and went to the spare room. I finished, good one! and went to sleep for 1.5hours before I got up for work.

Was I out of line? Was it dumb?

I said to her earlier I wanted to give her oral sex that night (we haven't done that much in the past as she never wants it, says it's too tickly, but she agreed we should try again). She just didn't come to bed until really late, then just ends up masterbating. Bit frustrating.

Last edited by f1r3f1y3; 02-26-2010 at 12:32 AM.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 02:03 AM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

You gave her a taste of her own medicine! that's awesome! i dont think it was dumb. sometimes the only way to get through to someone is to put them in your shoes. You cant expect it will change her over night, though. but i guarantee it at least put a dent in her thoughts.

"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 12:21 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

I found my wife doing the same thing while she thought I was asleep. Something wrong here...
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 01:01 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

I would have jumped your bones if you did that next to me. Your wife is messed up. But you sure do have a lot to talk about. I bet if she weren't so embarrassed and shocked she would have been turned on, too. I'm afraid she might lie if you asked her about that though.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 01:22 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Wow these are some balsy women.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 02:28 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

when we were dating (pre-marriage) my wife used to do this in bed in the mornings when she thought I was sleeping. I know she masturbates sometimes (usually in the shower), and it's fine, i'm content with our sex life atm, although trying to improve a few things. tbh im super turned on by it, but every time I tried to pretend to wake up and then engage in sex with her, she shut me down. Which made me think maybe I was wrong and she was just making noises in her sleep... but im NEAR POSITIVE I know what it sounds like :-p.

Anyways, is this uncommon for women to do (thread suggests it is)? And is there something I should be worried about or try to talk with her about as far as like, it showing a hole in our sex life?

Anyways, interesting thread cause it related to me a bit, it always turned me on / and I would love to engage when it had happened, although I never got the chance :-p. But i'm in a different spot than OP since I wasn't really unsatisfied with our sex life, and I can see why it bothers him.


However that said, OP, I would have approached it a bit differently, I think bluntly asking if she's mb'ing and then starting to yourself is just going to make her ashamed / a bit resentful / etc., anyways, I think just bringing it up later on in a different / more direct manner could have had more positive results (i.e. "Instead of pleasuring yourself at night in Bed, why don't you spend more time working on our sex life, and directing me on how IIII can do a better job pleasuring YOU").
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 05:32 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Quote:
Originally Posted by f1r3f1y3 View Post
Hi,

my wife and I are trying to rebuild our marriage which has deteriorated in the past few months. The 2 issues seem to be:
1) she think the sex is bad and feels there's no passion in our relationship (and NEVER has been, probably generally unattracted to me I'm guessing)
2) she's bored with her life in general

I reakon 1 is for me to work on and 2 is her so I am thinking of romantic things to do etc. We hadn't had sex for about 2 weeks and in the middle of the day I pulled the curtins, lit some candles and asked her to come upstairs. I gave her a massage then we had sex and it wasn't great (she doesn't like to do it during the day, she complained about everything).

Anyway, for the past 2 days (that I know of, probably longer), she has been masterbating in bed during the night, while lying next to me. I don't mind the actual act, infact it's a huge turn on, but because of the current state of our sex life (me completely unable to please her, and apparently never have been able to properly) it's really rubbing salt in the wound. I really don't mind her doing it but either don't do it when I'm around, or do it and INVOLVE me.

So last night, I saw her do it again at 3am ish (I sleep 2h a night at the moment). I waited until she had finished and said "were you masterbating?". She said "you're crazy I wasn't doing anything". There's no doubt she was. I said "ok, I want to as well". So I started to. She said "don't you do that here". Hah! Think she was in shock.

She turned over and faced away and I continued to do it, making some low key noises and movements. After about 5 minutes, she got up and went to the spare room. I finished, good one! and went to sleep for 1.5hours before I got up for work.

Was I out of line? Was it dumb?

I said to her earlier I wanted to give her oral sex that night (we haven't done that much in the past as she never wants it, says it's too tickly, but she agreed we should try again). She just didn't come to bed until really late, then just ends up masterbating. Bit frustrating.
I probably would have not let her finsih with out trying to join in.

Anyway #2 above is probably up to you as well. being bored for a woman in marriage spells big big troubles. If you can find out how to rock her world with #1, #2 should be on the way as well. Maybe be over simplistic.

Is it possible she is in an EA with someone else?

See this link:

http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/201...-im-bored.html

Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-28-2011 at 06:27 PM.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 08:53 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Your wife sounds like she is blaming you for all her problems, which makes her at risk for having an affair (EA or PA). She complains about you and yet when you make an attempt, she criticizes you for not doing what she wants. This is not cool.

The masturbation thing seems secondary to me. I think she has a right to get off in the middle of the night and so do you. But rubbing her face in it was a bit childish and does not prove or improve anything.

I would sit her down and tell her that YOU are not happy. Tell her that she needs to start investing in the relationship. It sounds like she has all the power in the marriage and this is never good. You both should be giving to each other.

If she has complaints about sex, she is responsible for making her wants and desires known, especially when you seem so eager to try to make things better. It sounds like she's happier complaining than doing anything to improve the situation, which is not good. Maybe if she feels you pulling away, she'll be more motivated to do her part in the marriage.

Her attitude is concerning, as it similar to those who are being unfaithful.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 09:14 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Why would someone masturbate in front of you? Couldn't she do that while you aren't around? That's the part I don't get.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-28-2011, 09:34 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Quote:
Originally Posted by f1r3f1y3 View Post
1) she think the sex is bad and feels there's no passion in our relationship (and NEVER has been, probably generally unattracted to me I'm guessing)
2) she's bored with her life in general
These are vague statements. Does your wife hate sex generally or just sex with you?

In what way, other than taking her complaint at face value gives an indication of her boredom?

Actually you know I would do? The next she starts in, take over with your hand.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-29-2011, 02:40 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

I find it such a turnon that men like performing oral sex. But, it's a big turnoff it they can't do it right. Doing it wrong is extremely annoying. She will turn away and refuse it because all she has to look forward to is being annoyed.

That is what your wife means when she says it's too ticklish. It shouldn't be. In fact, there shouldn't be anything for her to complain about. Imagine you refusing something you find very pleasurable. It. Ain't. Gonna. To. Happen. No one would refuse sexual pleasure. We refuse what is not pleasurable. So, that means you are not pleasuring her. You're annoying her, and she doesn't want to experience that anymore. She will try again, but imagine her disappointment again.

It's wonderful that you want to please her in that fashion, but it is imperative that you learn how to do it properly. I know you're probably wondering why she doesn't tell you that. Unfortunately, most women don't know how to teach men. They, themselves (those who are not experienced), have no idea how to tell a guy what to do. The reason is they don't know either. They only know that it either does feel great or it doesn't. They only know if it sent them to the moon or if they were annoyed as hell and wanted him to stop never to do that again.

I know because I was just like your wife during my early dating years. Over the years and various boyfriends, some were tolerable when doing that and some were nothing but annoying. None were good at it though, and I was clueless as to what to tell them. Obviously, I didn't know how to do it either LOL. I didn't know any more than they did.....until I met the man who blew my mind. Once he did that, I knew the right way for it to be done.

No one knows how to do anything until they learn. You and she can learn together so she is able to direct you in the future, or you can learn alone. There are books, websites, and videos that teach how to give oral sex. Believe me, if you did it right, she would never prefer her own finger over what you can do for her. She will never turn down the offer again. She will ask/request/plead/hope/pray/beg/borrow and steal to get you to do that for her. LOL
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-29-2011, 02:52 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

I thought I would give you a few hints:

1. Flickering rapidly with your tongue is not the preferred method, at least not in major doses, only minor doses. Just a couple or three times at extended intervals.

2. Remember to purse your lips over her clitoris as if you are sucking through a straw or whistling, then gently suck.

3. The area just under her clit likes to be teased.

Hope that helps a little. You can find information on more.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-29-2011, 02:56 PM
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Re: Reaction to wife masterbating in bed next to me - was I out of line?

Oh geese. Just noticed this thread is more than a year old.
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