idealistthinker

Hi....

I need some serious and really direct advice. I have been with a partner for 2 years and it has become pretty much sexless. The sex life has never been great but the general relationship is fine. We love each other but she says she just isn't interested in sex. Last week she said she could bring all her past partners to orgasm fast and I am challenging. I am hurt and always feel rejected. I don't feel like a girlfriend and just a roommate. She doesn't seem concerned and says the past was just that with the others and that I shouldn't be concerned. She tries to ignore this situation and I do most of the time too but I do want affection and an emotionally connected sex life which I deem is important. I suggested therapy but she says we have other things to worry about like finances, etc. Shouldn't a good relationship involve desire and intimacy? I am now at a loss, feel rejected and insecure, am jealous of her ex's who experienced sex with her, and i am considering leaving. Please advise........i am hurting terribly.

marcy*

How old is she, because I can't imagine how you are in love with someone, but do not want to have sex with him!

VeryShyGirl

Does she use hormonal birth control like the pill? I recently found out that was killing my sex drive and contributing to me acting like you describe. The interest in sex just wasn't there even though I truly loved my husband. Now no more pills and a new me, a new us.

artieb

Assuming there's no medical problem which can be corrected, you'll probably both be happiest to end the relationship. That part won't be real happy, of course, but over the longer term the total misery of staying in this relationship will be higher.

destinygirl

Yes, I agree, being on the pill can absolutely wreak HAVOC on a woman's sex drive.

I understand that you feel rejected. Perhaps you could ask her to try and understand WHY you need sex? Here's a good article for this:

5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive their Man of Sex :The Feminine Woman

Niki83

I know this post was a year and a half ago, but maybe someone is still looking at it....

I just don't understand why people are giving this woman advice about opposite-sex relationships, when she already stated she is in a relationship with a woman.

Unfortunately, I also don't have advice on this particular issue (it came up in a similar search.) but at least I can recognize that she does not need advice on "how to please a man" or anything else like that...

unbelievable

Her example of great sex is making a guy orgasm really quickly? Maybe she never has been "into" sex and views it as a chore to finish as quickly as possible. She's not married to you. What you're seeing is a woman at her very best, giving you her most impressive stuff.