niceegirl

Hello all,
Wanted to join the forum because im about to go crazy.
I've been married for 10 years and always had problems with husband giving me attention, care, love, etc.... and the reason has always been the same, he's always been addicted to hobbies, always a different hobby going on, I've always been the last one in his plans, however, the sex life was normal. But for the past 6 months we've probably had sex 5 times, on top of that no oral sex from him, it has always been about me pleasing him.(Not fair)....
I feel like he doesn't care, doesn't love me, that as long as he gets what he needs, he's ok. The last time we had sex was new years eve. I've talked to him so many time and he has nothing to say to me. He is addicted to Video games now, all he does when he is home is play video games. We don't do anything. I go to bed by myself every single night. I do everything by myself.
Now, my question is......he is only 38 years old and I refuse to believe that he doesn't enjoy sex anymore. Two nights ago, i talked to him and he told me that he probably needs professional help. BS!!!! I don't believe a 38 years old needs professional help to F*** his wife. I am so pissed off about this whole thing, that i feel the worse woman ever. And I know that I am attractive, cause i do get attention when im out. I also know that he doesn't cheat on me. If it's not another women, what else could it be?? Am I being selfish cause im pissed off? Does he really need help??? It's been 10 years, and to be quite honest, I'm about to just leave him. I want to be loved, I want someone that cares about me, I want to have a real man next to me, something that i have not had in a long time. Pls help me!

AlexNY

The sad thing about addiction is that the shock of being left by a spouse is often the medicine that finally persuades the addict to overcome his/her problem ... but by then it is too late.

He needs professional help, but he needs to want to change first.

He will probably find out just how much he loves you, and just how badly he regrets all of the lost years, just exactly when it is too late.

Good luck to both of you.

artieb

It is not about you. You are not the worst woman ever. I know a woman whose husband got addicted to World of Warcraft and neglected her and the family entirely, and she was beautiful, nice, funny, and charming. He just got lost in the alternate world, which became more real to him than his real life.

I don't know what to tell you. An addict has to choose to give up his addiction, but to do that he has to admit there's a problem. If it's online video games your husband is lost to, you might consider not paying the bill for your Internet connection. When it gets cut off, ask him if he paid it. That leaves you without your connection for a little while until the bill is tended to, but you can probably go a couple days without trouble, while he will get a shock to his system. If your net connection is through your phone, you might not want to do something like that. If it's through the cable TV, then you'll do without your cable TV for a week or so too. But then maybe your husband will find himself stripped of digital stimulation and look for some other kind.

If he gives you a lot of guff about paying the bill, make clear to him that soon he's going to have to remember to pay all the bills when he gets to his apartment, because you're throwing him out. You didn't get married to share a house with an addled teenage boy who plays computer games all day.

To be clear: do not fight with him, do not nag him. Just state your position as calmly as dispassionately as possible: he is not acting like a man, and you want one. If he can't do the job, you'll find someone else. There's nothing to argue about: either he's going to be an adult, or he's not. If he chooses to be a child living in a fantasy world, you're not going to beg him to change his mind. If he chooses to be man, he'd better choose soon, or it'll be too late.

SweetiepieMI

Hi, I am sorry that you're going through this. It definitely seems like an addiction to me. When I was younger and moved in with my boyfriend (now my hubs) I fell into the video game life. It started out as something we both enjoyed (i grew up on playing video games with my dad)- but then it became something that took up ALL on my free time. The ability to communicate with other people and have sort of this alter-ego i guess- is very inticing.
Anyways, after a few months i realized how far apart my boyfriend and i really grew in such a short time. Thankfully that was enough for me. I didnt want to lose him.

Anyways- for me i was able to cut back to just playing occasionally (and hubs and I always play together now) which can work for some. But also your husband may be the type to needs to give it up completely.

I agree with the others in saying that he needs to really feel like he's losing you- and hopefully that will be enough to bring him back to reality. It could mean sleeping in a different room- or staying at a friends house- the choice is yours. Good luck and hang in there!

Sierra61

Have your husband tested for low testosterone. My husband suffered from it for years until it was diagnosed. The difference bwteeen a man's libido with a testosterone level of 200 and 1,000 is astronomical.

destinygirl

Hi Niceegirl

NEVER HAVE YOUR HUSBAND TESTED FOR LOW TESTOSTERONE!!

EVER!!!

This will make the problem worse. It will just point the finger at him, and make him feel MORE like there is something wrong with him. Testosterone is at the heart of masculinity, and doing this will emasculate him which will make your original problem worse which is:

He is addicted to video games, and other hobbies because he obviously doesn't feel that being with you makes him feel like a man (this is not an attack against you).

A lack of sex often comes with a lack of polarity/passion in the relationship. To create this polarity, you need to understand the masculine and feminine energy, and:

I KNOW how hard it is for you, Niceegirl, because it's completely understandable that you want a real man by your side, and yes, he needs to step up and take charge, etc, but you can help to.

Ask yourself 'what does my husband really NEED?', and 'How can I fulfill him MORE today, in this moment?' or 'How can I show my love to him even MORE?'

Often, we think so much of ourselves that we forget that part of feeling love is GIVING it to start with!

This website has been very helpful for many women in similar situations:

The Feminine Woman

And, if you want a specific article on your situation, try this one:

Depolarization: Mistakes Women Make With Men :The Feminine Woman

Good luck Niceegirl stay strong!

Atholk

The games stimulate dopamine and it creates an addiction to the game, and leaves no dopamine for interest in the usual positive addiction to a life partner.

__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book

SimplyAmorous

I don't agree with this at all. Some men truly do need tested IF they are suddenly lacking energy, falling asleep shortly after work, have brain fog, and their sex drive is almost dead. Too low of testosterone can affect the heart and other functions of the male body. This is no more to be embarrassed about than having Type 2 diabetes run in your family & you desire to be tested to catch a problem if one exists. Treatment is a life saver for some, maybe even a marraige saver. I had my husband tested, he did not need treatment, but he never felt less of a man -for having these tests done.

Now IF your husband is not showing symtoms like this , if his energy levels are normal , then it is most likely just this addiction to gaming that has taken control.

Is it possible he is secretly sneaking looking at Porn or just taking care of himself sexually? Have you asked him this? Ask these things before you leave him, tell him he needs to save himself for you . If his drive is any where near normal, I woud think the tension build up would be almost explosive if the last time was New Years eve.

steve71

Niceegirl,

is it possible that your man may be using his 'addiction' to camouflage some physical problem - a period of impotence?

Or lots of stress - work problems, financial problems and repeated confrontations with you can all add up and have an impact too.

If that is the case he probably will need professional help to sort it out. And if he feels bad about that he ought to know that many men will have had similar problems at some time in their life.

I'm sure this period must be very difficult for you but I reckon you have a few options to explore.

If he has volunteered that he might need professional help that may not be 'BS' - go for it!

moguywithmogirl

Here is a male perspective to that....I am 36 yrs old and I have Low testosterone levels. When I was first diagnosed last year I had a level of 160. I love my wife with all my heart so it was easy for me to go in and have myself checked out. I thought that I would be embarassed about it but since I joke around about it so much I can take it in stride now. Even when I have to go in and get my shots. Talk to him about getting tested and look up websites on "low t". It will give you the symptoms and what can be the cause and how to get help. I am alot like him and I found other things for awhile to put my attention to but my wife and I have since found hobbies to do together. I was playing World of Warcraft for awhile.(No I am not the one that is talked about above, lol) She would watch me and ask questions now she plays it with me. I am not cured of the Low T problem because I have other things that are wrong with me like depression, lack of energy, etc, and I guess you can say that my male biological clock is ticking so loud but the bad thing is that we can't have children.

If he says that he needs to go talk to someone as much as it might sound like BS to you, it might be that first step for him so support him on it especially if it is going to help you both out in the end!