This is an important NOTE! Please note that in my wording what I said was: "I am unhappy enough that it makes our marriage vulnerable to an affair. "
This does not mean: "Do it my way or I'm threatening you with n affair" because that is extremely disrespectful! Neither does it mean: "If you don't do it my way I am going to have sex with other men." Nope far from it!!! It means that due to his actions not meeting this important Love Kindler, the marriage is really exposed and either one of them could easily be very tempted.
Just to be clear--I do not in any way agree with the statement:
If your SO is not satisfying your needs and you tell him your going to get your needs met some place else then its not an affair. Its only and affair if you dont tell them your going to get them met some place else.
My very first article was "What is an affair
" and in summary here's the definition: "...being UN-faithful--having an affair--might rather accurately be defined as acting in a way so that affection and loyalty are not committed and dedicated to a private person to whom loyalty is due; not adhering to promises (vows).
" It would most definitely be outside the bounds of committing and dedicating affection and loyal to her husband alone if she were to have sex with someone else.
If he refuses to discuss it, or refuses to negotiate sex enough that it is satisfactory to both of them--then I would suggested "the next step" which in my mind would be counseling with the pastor or marital counseling...or honoring her vow in another way by having Love Kindler#2 met in a HUGE way. Yes, you still miss sex but if #2, 3, and 4 were met it would help. If her husband were wounded or ill and unable to ever have sex, I would not encourage her to have sex elsewhere--I'd encourage her to have #2, 3, and 4 met and creatively think of some way to include him while meeting sex maybe manually with him or something like that.
So no--I do not advise stepping outside the marriage. That ALWAYS, ALWAYS
makes things worse.