Using toys? Is my wife telling me something?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-12-2010, 11:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Using toys? Is my wife telling me something?

My wife and I have a great marriage and a healthy sex life. I am blessed. She is highly orgasmic and can climax both orally and from penetration although she is never satisfied fully orally and needs penetration to get the job done fully (according to her). About a year ago we were visiting my wife’s college roommate (I’ll call her Suzie). They have been very close over the years and know they share thoughts on a variety of different topics. Suzie is pretty sexual in nature so I am sure they have spoken at length about sexual topics. One night we were out parting with Suzie and she suggested that we go into a sex shop. My wife is not a prude by any stretch but, gets embarrassed in some situations and this was one of them. Plus she was sober as she was pregnant so she did not have the benefit of losing her inhibitions via booze like we had. She did encourage or discourage us from going inside but, did not come in with us.

Anyway once inside, Suzie said we should get a toy and asked me what I should get. Clearly, I thought she would know better than me so I let her lead the way. She picked out a devise shape like a Di#$ with a little rounded piece that would stimulate the clit. It is/was battery powered. It was a little intimidating as it was a little bigger and wider than I am but, not by much and I don't believe I ever commented on its size. We took it home and it stayed in the sealed plastic container that it came in for some time. I asked on more than one occasion if she wanted to use it and she declined although I never pushed it. I mentioned we should chuck it (or hide it better as we have kids) I recently found it was not in the spot it had been. When I asked her about it she did not give me a straight answer. On one hand I want to respect her privacy. I enjoy “taking matters into my own hand” in private. She knows about it and doesn’t have a problem with it. I think it is ok for couples to have “quality alone time” for their own pleasure without distraction but, also see the benefit of “sharing” some of these experiences.

I have read where introducing toys into a relationship can take intimacy to a new level. I would very much like to take my wife to new levels of pleasure if toys can offer that to her. I only want to do this if SHE wants to and is comfortable.
My questions are :
1) Was my wife/wife’s girlfriend trying to tell me something despite my wife’s shyness. Perhaps this is obvious.
2) If you have had experience with this is there a downside to the use of toys what is the upside.
3) I have read awesome feedback on some of the powerful plug in devises-are these better.

Your feedback would be appreciated.
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Old 03-12-2010, 01:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Using toys? Is my wife telling me something?

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Originally Posted by Star View Post
Honestly? ,omg, you have nothing to loose by introducing toy's into the bedroom, go for it and don't just restrict yourself to using them on her, let her use them on you too and don't feel intimated by size ect, just go have lots of fun!!

I'm the "toy" ambassador here, lol!!! Big fan!!!
We have a large chest of toys as well. They are a lot of fun! Also, my wife does have one that is much much larger than I am. I don't think that there is anything wrong with having something a little extra. Now if she got another fella that had a little extra, that might change my thoughts on that matter...

I doubt they are trying to tell you anything other than try something different. Have fun, and don't try and read deaper into it.

Last edited by Dancing Nancie; 03-12-2010 at 01:47 PM. Reason: Added
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Old 03-12-2010, 02:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Using toys? Is my wife telling me something?

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I actually thinks it's quite healthy to have "playtime" together with toy's, Like I have said above I'm (and we) are fans, However I know that some couples/individuals may not be comfortable with using them in front of each other for whatever reasons, thankfully I/we don't have this issue, he gets turned on by the sight of me using them on me and him using them on me (and vice versa) I really enjoy them.

P.S. Like you we also have a big stash of them.
I guess I don't comeprehend how someone would have an issue using with or in front of partner. In fact the other day when I was having a rough day at work, the wifey grabbed my favorite toy to watch her use and took a few snapshots and sent them to me.

I would like to see what we have spent over the years at our local toy store! It's a small joint, and I think we may have put one of the owners children through college!
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