Okay, so I'm not crazy, because that's how it felt to me too. I felt totally abused. He has been diagnosed as being bipolar and he took the medication for a while, then about 2 years ago he stopped. It's like hell when he cycles which is every couple of months. He's like a sex addict constantly watching it online or on television. He would say inappropriate things too, like out of the blue, "so how's your *****?", or "how's your ass?" or "show me those tit". I'm sorry, but that's just disgusting on an hourly basis whether on the phone or in the living room. It's uncomfortable and awkward and highly disrespectful.
That's not the only thing either. It's also a time to put me down for anything and everything. Everything is MY fault that happens around us, food doesn't taste good, or I "messed up" dinner again, etc. For the record, I am a gourmet cook and do not "mess up" dinners.
The kids are in their upper teens and only one is left at home now. I cannot imagine what life would be like for me in a few years if I stayed and that child has moved on.
I think about divorce more often than ever now. He is trying to convice me that I am the problem and that ALL women like anal. I think what matters is the way it makes me feel and the health risks involved with me.
I am a smart and confident woman and this last incident has affected me emotionally. I do feel abused and to be honest frightened to get naked with him again for fear that even though it's been discussed he may attempt again. I am hoping my female OB/Gyn can guide me in the right direction as well.
You are not crazy. That was unequivocally an attack on you, imo.
If he was diagnosed as bipolar and is off his meds, he is not in his right mind - literally. I was diagnosed as a-typical bipolar (meaning I have periods of "normalcy" without mania or depression) when I was 15 and have been dealing with it ever since. Sex addiction (or at least a very strong focus on sex) is not at all uncommon in individuals with bipolar. In addition, his perception of the world and his senses are not in tune either. That sounds awfully weird, but it is true. When he's cycling, everything is off kilter - and his goal will be instant gratification while manic. For whatever reason, this is what he is focused on. He needs
medication AND therapy - but you can't force him to do it as he is an adult. (Unless you're going to have him committed - which is difficult and risky...)
A couple of questions, if you don't mind? Does he self-medicate with alcohol or drugs? Can you track his cycles (mania, depression, and "normalcy"?) How long has his obsession with porn and anal been going on? Does he work? Is he a functional part of society at this point, or not?
Finally - you MUST take care of yourself - in terms of physical, emotional, and spiritual health - for you and for your children. I'm not saying to divorce him, but in some ways you have to let him hit rock bottom before he might ever be inclined to go back on medication again.