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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-31-2010, 10:50 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

My wife DEMANDS that I give her oral pleasure EVERY time we have sex. If I don't do it she feels jipped. She, however, will only do it for me about once every six months and then it is only for about one minute. Come to think of it, it's the same way with massages....
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:00 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

My wife is the same as Mike188's. except she will only do it once every 2 years! and for only a couple of minutes, yet she demands oral on her almost everytime we have sex. Her reason is that she said this is the only way she can orgasm, but I don't have to orgasm that way, I can orgasm during sex. So what's the problem?
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Old 03-31-2010, 01:08 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

Ok, I have tried talking to my wife about it in a very nice way, yesterday for example, we're cuddling on the couch, she was feeling all loved and everything..especially when I'm rubbing her legs...and she was feeling all ready for prime time...and in the end we ended up in bed and I got my blowjob and went down on her afterwards and we also had some doggy style sex...so it was all good right? Well, once again I initiated and it was only an hour after I suggested a blowjob that she did it, she just keeps on dragging it on and on hoping for me to do something else, like get inside her so she doesn't need to blow me...sometimes she'll pass out eventually or she'll get on top of me...almost anything to avoid giving the blowjob.
I told her a few times that she didn't absolutely have to take the cum in the mouth if she doesn't like it..but she just says "I do it because YOU like it" that's all good..but I think it might be one of the reasons she does it so rarely. I Love it when she takes the cum inside her mouth, it would be even sweeter if she would swallow..but that's only a dream.
I talked to her about kissing me after she takes the cum in her mouth, that way it's not only her that gets the bad taste, but instead it's something we could share and laugh about, or might make it even more intimate....but she refuses, she wont even let me kiss her until after she spits it out, and brushes her teeth..

I keep clean, I shave everything down there, and I wash my penis after every time I've been to the bathroom...so that's not an issue, and she appreciates this, but it hasn't increased the frequency of blowjobs at all..

As time has gone by, I've gotten fewer and fewer blowjobs...Yesterday, she opened up a little, and jokingly said "if I gave you blowjobs everyday, you wouldn't crave them anymore"
I told her to please not think like that because I Love them and the more blowjobs I get the more I love them...I love how crazy and loved I feel when she does them, I think it's super sexy, and so on.
She didn't say anything about it after.

I go down on my wife about 3 times a week, often before she goes down on me and often after, so it's not like she's not getting it back...Whenever she gives me a blowjob I'll go down on her, or I'll get inside her or whatever...the end result always is her being satisfied and often begging for me to stop.

Thanks for the help and advice, but I've tried pretty much everything posted so far for the last 2 and a half years...I'm gettin pretty frustrated..
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Old 03-31-2010, 04:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

Its really not that much work, especially if its used as foreplay. I guess that I got burned out by it, when he wouldn't make sure he took care of my later that day...or if I was close to coming...he would just lay there and let me finish myself.

Also, if there is any emotional gap between you two, that could be a cause...it is a submissive position (to me) to give a BJ and he finishes in your mouth. When there hasn't been an emotional connection between us...I ended up feeling used...and my self-esteem takes a dump.

Do you guys have sex often? If you use oral sex as the seasoning (not the main course) she will be more likely to give it. She will feel fulfilled, and then (if she's smart) will try to do the same for you.
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Old 04-01-2010, 09:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

We have sex about 3 times a week, usually I'll get a blowjob once every two weeks or so, but I'll go down on her about twice a week...maybe because I go down on her so often I expect her to do the same, I have a lot of fun going down on her, teasing her, and making her go crazy, I'm always trying new stuff, but it seems like she's afraid to step out of the comfort zone, and she never suggests anything...I've asked her what she likes and what she doesn't and she has never given me an answer....she's just not the initiating type and that goes for anything that we do not just sex...except when it comes to decorating the house, that's all hers...she's crazy about stuff like that even a few times right after we had sex, she'll start talking about decorating instead of us...I know I'm rambling again...just lettin it out.
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:37 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

MarriedGuy:

I am like you & my husband is somewhat like your wife.
I hear you . You are frustrated & have this un-satisfied longing cause you soooo WANT HER "TO DESIRE" to do this -not only for your pleasure, but for her own. It just takes something away , If you dare feel she is not enjoying it, and Her initiating it would literally Open the flood gates of Heaven to you!

I so understand you.

I will say that if you got them every single day, they might loose "some" of that anticipating exhilerating appeal. I seriously suck my husband almost daily -just cause I want to go there, sometimes I feel I am getting more pleasure than him, I doubt this is the case, but it is crazy where the mind will go. Probably cause he never "asks" anything of me, just like your wife is not asking you, so you question how much she enjoys when you give her oral. Sometimes we can read too much into their silence, or lack of expression.

I do know that in years past when I did not cater to him every day, If I touched him there, let alone a suck, I literally could feel his member blow up like a balloon being inflated, Now it is a slow rise, sometimes very slow. I don't know.

Once a week from her might be good though!

It really does take away if you feel she is not really into it. That means the world to us. Sounds like you have a pretty decent sex life though, even with this longing you struggle with.

Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 04-01-2010 at 01:26 PM.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:03 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

I know I am really late to the game here, but I'd like to weigh in.

I am very suprised that what I'm about to bring up doesn't come up alot in the "why doesn't she like to give me BJs" convos. Many women find giving BJs very demeaning or dirty. If they have seen porn it is likely they have seen women being "face-f**ked" or generally treated poorly while performing this act. Additionally, social conditioning (at home, at church, freinds, etc) can have shaped her view of this act.

Also, and possibly importantly, there could be a very negative experience in her past that makes her reluctant. From personal experience, this can make evern limited c**k sucking difficult if not impossible no matter how willing you are to please your partner. It has taken me years to trust my husband (that I am generally otherwise uninhibited with) enough to derive pleasure from giving him this. No matter how open you feel she's been about her past, she may not have shared this. I know I never said anything but "I just don't do that."
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Old 06-03-2010, 10:26 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

I give my H blow jobs most times as a foreplay. He knows 2 conditions must be met

1) Shower/Wash private parts before sex
2) Never to come inside my mouth

He knows that if he does #2, that would be the end of BJ. If he's close, he pulls out, and I finish him with my hands sometimes. He has never made the mistake of coming inside my mouth. I didn't like to giving BJ before, but I now rather enjoy it as long as these two conditions are met .
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Old 06-04-2010, 07:50 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

I've told my wife the secret to a happy marriage is frequent and spontaneous bjs. A man that knows you could go down on him at any moment will bring his butt home and early. Also, conditions on sex is lame. "honey ill go down on you but only lick the clit because your juices areso sticky."
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Old 06-04-2010, 08:59 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

I agree with Kobo that conditions for sex are lame and that it would be best if both parties enjoy the same activity with gladness of hearts. On the other hands, if one party really wants something and the other party really dislikes it, it would be wise to try to find "win-win" solutions for both. This was our win-win solution, and now we are both happy .
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Old 06-10-2010, 12:51 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

so why dont you suck a **** and see how much work it is...maybe she doesnt want to swallow your love potion anyway, but does to make you happy....seriously...i like BJ's but i dont NEED them all the time...and i never expect my wife to swallow...she did once but that was what she wanted to do...if you need BJ's all the time then go to a rub and tug or a hooker....
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Old 06-10-2010, 12:54 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike188 View Post
My wife DEMANDS that I give her oral pleasure EVERY time we have sex. If I don't do it she feels jipped. She, however, will only do it for me about once every six months and then it is only for about one minute. Come to think of it, it's the same way with massages....
so give her one minute of oral.....things will change...and when she asks why such a short time just say that you a feeling jipped for not getting a BJ
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Old 06-12-2010, 11:49 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

Women always seem to say "I'm no good at it" Well I got great news, I don't care. It's just A turn on having you down there. I last longer if I get a little before sex just to get me rock hard. Now if I could only get some sex

Last edited by jhef83; 06-13-2010 at 12:04 AM.
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Old 06-13-2010, 02:20 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

First, it is not only lame but ridiculous and narrow minded to say......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobo View Post
conditions on sex is lame. "honey ill go down on you but only lick the clit because your juices areso sticky."
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I need a better word for ridiculous. If you don't like her juices being sticky, then don't go down on her, but it would not be lame to dislike her juices being sticky if that is the way you feel. Besides that, women go down and don't have to want him shooting a wad into her mouth, but she gets plenty of the juices up to that point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by questions View Post
I agree with Kobo that conditions for sex are lame and that it would be best if both parties enjoy the same activity with gladness of hearts.
I take that as you telling us you go down on both men and women for you to consider both acts as being the exact same thing. I also take that as you telling us you are both male and female for you to consider both acts as being the exact same thing. Thank you for that information. I now know to visualize your physical appearance with two heads on top and somewhere near the middle.

Going down on a man and going down on a woman are not the same activities for anyone who can grasp the exponentially-multiplied actions that the word "activity" entails. By the same standard of calling them the same activity, then sex is the exact same activity as a roller coaster ride at Disney World, and walking down the street, and washing dishes, and showering, and being at work (unless you work in the porn industry).

And yes, conditions are necessary if that is the way a person feels. She shouldn't have to take the wad in her mouth if she doesn't like the taste. The complaints go way beyond not getting a blow job, but everything has to be complained about. It isn't enough to get blow jobs, but she doesn't want you releasing in her mouth, and she also won't swallow. The complaints never end, and it doesn't seem to be any kind of gratitude for anything she does do.

I don't have any idea how a woman tastes. What is more than that, I don't have any idea how a woman tastes to a man. So it would be incredibly stupid of me to judge him and call it the same thing. I like vanilla ice cream, but how would I sound complaining that another person doesn't like it?

A man is secreting juices the whole time. I actually like that and find it kind of sweet tasting. But the wad is mixed with other juices and semen too. It tastes entirely different. I hate the taste but will still take in my mouth because pulling out detracts from his pleasure. Therefore, taking it my mouth adds to his pleasure, and he wants me to so I do. No problem at all. But I will not swallow. Swallowing means the taste will linger for a day or two. It means the taste *that I hate* remains in my mouth and affects the flavor of foods and drinks. But you guys have to complain about that too - something that doesn't affect your pleasure at all, neither adds to it nor detracts from it. Insane. It means you want everything without considering a person has a right to her reasons and her own feelings. If it is so much to complain about, shoot in a cup and drink it yourself.

And finally, the two *very different activities* require different motions and different muscles. Fatigue is much more likely going down on a man than a woman. But hey, I said I have never been down on a woman, and I never will. So if there is a man here who would like to tell me it requires the exact same muscles and motions at the exact same pace, that their wife's clit is so big that it causes neck AND jaw fatigue to go down on her, I am not the one who will argue with him or judge him.
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Old 06-14-2010, 12:28 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, Why Are Blowjobs so much work?

I never hated giving my husband BJs - in fact I quite liked it and found that it turned me on too. One thing though, I didn't like it if he came in my mouth - it happened once and made me choke so the rule was if in doubt pull out. I wish my husband still wanted me - I would gladly do the deed if that were the case, it wouldn't mean that I expected anything from him either, I would just do it for the fun of it. Maybe the fun has gone out of your sex life a little. I also prefered it if my hubby didn't move whilst this was happening, I liked being in charge and I don't like surprises...
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