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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-14-2010, 01:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Blow Jobs

Hi I am married for 8 years. My husband used to ask me to do BJ at time I used to refuse it. But lately he demand it everyday and many times he did oral sex to me which I don't enjoy. I feel so stressed to do it, may be I feel it demeaning or humiliating act for me. Or I am afraid of do it if he ejaculate or smell from it or don't find it interesting to me and even I don't know how to do it. I don't know how womens do it to their men and How do they enjoy this act.
Should I do it? if yes How Should I perform it safe?
I will be very thankful for any suggestions.
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Old 04-14-2010, 09:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Blow Jobs

Your not going to learn to like giving blow jobs..Just forget it and your husband should get the message. My wife has never like to give BJ's so I just dont worry about it. Do you like for him to do oral on you.
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Old 04-14-2010, 10:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Sexual preferences are as varied as tastes in food and wine. One person's delicacy may seem poisonous to someone else. Recently I found myself having lunch at a sports club. The man next to me at the bar, who had the strained face of the obsessive exerciser, ate only a plate of stewed dark green vegetable leaves.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks for your suggestions.
yes I kind of not like to oppose him, I got my orgasm sometimes.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gg1976 View Post
Thanks for your suggestions.
yes I kind of not like to oppose him, I got my orgasm sometimes.
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Old 04-16-2010, 05:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I think you are a good wife to at least take the interest enough to post this question compared to most of the women who dismiss their husbands request as disgusting or unreasonable and making them fell guilty about it to never bring this up again. You should research this subject on this site and others and see how many men try to figure out how to get their wives to do this or to see what others are doing. This should give you insight to the issue.

I disagree with the post that you cannot learn to like giving head and that you should not do it and not to worry. Having carefully read your post before responding you seem to indicate that you are not sure why you don’t want to and it seems like you would like to please your husband but, are apprehensive. I think porn has depicted BJs as degrading and there are allot of lack of understanding and generalities about this topic, so I can understand your fear. However, it is actually a very loving act that men cannot help but enjoy. You are showing that you love him and his best friend and expanding your sex life. Whatever you decide you should want to do it and not feel forced to. That said please read on

Regarding your concerns:
-Think about why you feel it is degrading. Many women do it or want to do it, do and want to get better as evidenced by the posts online. It is hardly an unusual act. You may think it is because you may be thinking “doesn’t a man’s P belong in the hole about 2 feet to the south of my mouth. It is NOT DEGRADING to my wife. In fact, she is empowered by seeing how much I enjoy it. If anything when she has me in her mouth she has more power than you can possibly imagine (not vice versa) by the way. PS I would encourage you to start with him on his back so you can control how much goes in your mouth and ask him not to thrust as this may push him to the back of your mouth and make you gag and turn you off. Warn him about that. PS “deep throating” does not have to be part of a BJ to be great.
-The fact that you don’t like receiving oral is rare for most women. Not sure if it is “too much stimulation”, done improperly with too much clitoral stimulation or if you have an issue with these acts being “dirty” this may be upbringing/societal messages, etc. You may want to try and figure this out. You are missing out on what is usually very pleasurable for women. Perhaps you orgasm fine otherwise but, still you may want to figure out why.
-Try it after a joint shower, this will give you a clean runway and hot water is a natural way to get blood flowing to the right places for both of you.
- there are instructions all over the internet and their I believe are videos available on how to so you can get past the “don’t know how thing” if you choose. I would imagine if you tried anything your husband will be grateful. He may be able to make suggestions. Perhaps he can show you how he touches himself too so you can get an idea of what makes him feel good. You may be able use his hands and your mouth if you are so inclined.
-If you are concerned about the coming in your mouth thing keep in mind that the average male produces about a tablespoon give or take of semen. You may also want to see if it is really “that bad” you can lick your fingers after lovemaking to get a taste. If you decide to do it “to completion” you can research how to make it taste better with different foods he eatsif this is a problem. I have tasted my own and it is really not that bad. For starters you can let your husband know that you are not sure you are ready for that just yet and to let you know if he is getting close.
-you could also consider putting a “chase” next to wash it down after or perhaps you could put chocolate on it and make a game of the whole thing.

Some may question the relevance hear but, humor me. I grew up thinking golf was a complete waste of time. My family wanted me to play, the more they pushed it the more I resisted it. I thought it was stupid, for old people in addition I had torn ligaments in my knee trying to play at 12 y/o….Finally, they asked me on a vacation to drive the cart and help them drink some beers so I went. We went to the driving range to start off. They showed me how to stretch etc…so I would not get hurt again. Not wanting to be left out I took a few frustrating shots…some balls went knowhere or I missed, then I finally hit one (after a bunch of tries) and thought “this was pretty cool” I did not really play the whole game that day as I got sick of loosing balls but, played a little. I also saw the benefit of playing but, mostly benefits being able to spend time with my family which made them happy. After a few years now I love the game and am quite good.

I used to not like vegatables particularly brussel sprouts as I hated the taste even though I knew they were/are good for me….Then I tried them with cheese…after time I grew to develop a taste for them. The same can be said for scotch…couldn’t stand it. Then someone explained to me the secret is to take an ever-so –small sip to just wet your lips so your saliva can mix with it and turn it sweet. Now scotch is my number one drink. I love a glass or two on a Friday night. Had I not kept an open mind I may have never enjoyed scotch or vegatables. My point is don’t judge till you try.

Regardless of your decision you should let your husband know that you love him and want to make him happy but, this is an area you do not feel comfortable with and ask that he not push. If you decide to try then perhaps start slowly. If you decide you cannot get past your concerns then see if there are other ways you may be able to spice things up or if there are other ways you can enhance your relationship.
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Old 04-17-2010, 04:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank tjohnson
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Old 04-17-2010, 04:34 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Sorry I mean Thanks Tjohnson
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Old 04-17-2010, 07:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Blow Jobs

I agree with so much of what TJohnson says. Now I'm not a woman so I can't nescesarily give you advice on how to make yourself feel right about it. What I can say though is that in the case of my wife there was a time that she was very much like you about giving head (now she always loved to receive oral, you seem to say you don't like that either ... which to me also says that there is a mental aspect or block in your head that you can get over). I can say that today my wonderful wife LOVES giving head ... not to sound course or anything, but she can't get enough of my penis. Her whole sexual demeanor has changed.

For her it was also very much a mental thing, and I'm not sure how she got over it, but she certainly did.
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