ran1976

Asking for BJ to my wife ruin's my sex-life all the time, She get stressed all the time which I don't like. Married for 6 years, never had a sex with women other than my wife. Because of our culture may be she is thinking it is demeaning and has negative view on it.
After stressing myself for months,couldn't find any solution to turn my wife negative views into positive. I don't like to stress my wife
as I love her very much.
Sometimes I think I am sick as I am asking her again and again. What Should I Do?

cantletgo

Does she like to receive oral? Have you tried to give it to her? Maybe starting off in a 69 type scenario, if she's never given a blow job before it may be freaking her out. You aren't sick, it is a sexual act that is very pleasurable, and even though it's not my favorite thing to do, I oblige my husband when possible. Another suggestion would be to start out slowly, and just have her go down on you for a minute or so before intercourse. I hope that you can help your wife to a point that she realizes it's not a bad thing and can be very intimate between husband and wife.

sisters359

A bj seems much more natural to give when I am really, really turned on.

She may have issues with your cleanliness (even if you think you are clean), so share a shower that is sensual, not necessarily sexual, before moving to the bedroom.

Try using chocolate syrup (don't be messy and make lots of extra clean up for her, though). Start by putting it on her belly, for example, then next time, ask her where she'd like it. Put it on your chest and abdomen when it is your turn. Eventually put a little bit on your penis. But keep her very turned on at all times so she does not feel she is just "going through the motions." That gets old, really fast, if it happens a lot.

Mike188

Blow job? What's that? Oh yeah, I remember now. I give my wife a very very long and thorough session of oral pleasure nearly every time we have sex. I've never timed it but it may go on for about 15 minutes until she climaxes. She pretty much requires it to have an orgasm. She REALLY love for me to give oral.

The problem is that when it is time for her to reciprocate she always has some lame excuse. I get oral probably a few times per year and even those times I get it for about one minute and that is all she can do. I laways take a shower before bed and scrub really good "just in case" so I'm pretty sure it isn't a hygiene issue. One excuse is that it hurts her mouth to have it open that long. She doesn't have a small mouth and I'm not enormously huge there so I'm not sure I buy that. Sometimes she says it hurts to "lay like that" or that she "doesn't know how to do it".

I'm begining to think that she is just plain selfish because it is kind o fthis way on everything. I can give a really long and great massage until she just melts. When I ask for a massage I get the one minute quickie and her "hands start to hurt" and she need to lay down.

What can I do to get her more interested in returing the favor?

sisters359

Be very clear and explicit about what you want and how often. If she is physically uncomfortable, she can use her hands in between sessions with her mouth. She needs to experiment with techniques that don't require a wide open mouth the whole time--licking, sucking the sides, whatever.

It can be difficult to overcome the gag reflex when trying to "deep throat," so that takes time, patience, and practice. That requires a fully extended neck/jaw line so there is no angle. Lying on her back with her head over the edge of the bed might work. There are lots of online descriptions of techniques (not porn sites) with good tips. Make sure she knows she is in complete control, however, so she doesn't have a secret fear of you jamming yourself down her throat. And then live up to this commitment--you will do irreparable damage if you don't.

You can push things only so far, however, if she is just simply averse to the act. While you experiment with improving things, keep in mind whether or not this is something you are willing to ruin the marriage over, or something you can really learn to live happily without if you both try your best. It would be wrong for you to "punish" her with resentment or withholding oral if it is really something she cannot get beyond after making a 100% commitment to trying. A sex therapist--to help your wife work through what might be an emotional block on the issue-might be worth it. Do not insist on something, however, unless it is essential to your married happiness, b/c once you do, you are drawing a line and her feelings about the marriage, as well as yours, are involved.

You can have a great sex life lacking some things you'd otherwise enjoy. If you only focus on what is missing, you won't have a great one, no matter what. Give it your best shot, see if she will, too, but try to figure out before hand how far you need this to improve for the sake of your happiness in this marriage. Maybe a bj is worth ending a marriage; I don't know. No one has the right to judge you, just be clear before you find yourself starting down that road.

marriedguy

I feel the same way sometimes, because 95 percent of the time I do get a bj from my wife it's because I asked for it, even though I go down on her all the time..I guess it just doesn't mean to her what it means to me, no matter how I explain it, it always seems like a blow job is just that..a blow "JOB"

Freak On a Leash

My husband doesn't have to ask. I will admit it, I actually like giving a BJ to my husband. It's part of our foreplay.

Some women don't like the swallowing part (I have no problem with that) so you might want to keep a towel handy so she can "spit" it out afterwards. Don't take offense at it..it's a natural response for many. Another thing to do is to try one of the flavored gels out there. Unlike things like syrup, they aren't as messy and dissolve eventually. My husband wasn't big on doing oral on me and these gels helped a lot.

Another help would be to trim or shave "down there" and encourage your wife to kiss/lick the area instead of just "sticking" it in her mouth and going to town. Try and make a game out of it. I like to touch and lick/kiss and then get around to the BJ.

Another interesting position is to put your penis between your wife's breasts and alternate between that stimulation and putting it into her mouth. Keeps things interesting and varies things a bit.

CaliRN

its ****ed up if your in a marriage where ur afraid to ask for a bj from ur wife. i love it when i had a stressful day at work and trying to relax and i ask for bj and most of the time she does.

BigBadWolf

Ask?

I do not think of a time asking for a blowjob.

An honestly I do not think asking for a blowjob would be sexual exciting any more than my wife "asking" me for oral.

Ususally there is little or no talking anyway, and she is knowing what to do and when to do it much better than I would imagine anyway.

Of course there are times to instruct, or to grab her hair and very much direct the action, this is very stimulation to both of us.

But so far as asking, I do not know how to answer that poll but I agree that oral sex should be mostly a daily occurance. As well the comments of cleanliness and hygiene should go without having to be told but they are truth also.

If there is much asking then my opinion there is resentment or some other issue leading to withered sexual desire, and these tings need to be worked on priority.

SimplyAmorous

This is the way it "should" be -for everyone in every marraige. We should instincetively be intuned to the other's desires- always. Me & my husband have this NOW, though I long for a little more talk at times, encouraging to hear BigBadWolf is quiet too, the Master at "lovingly" dominating his woman.

It was not always this way for us though, I did not care for going down on him & I can't recall him ever asking. I did it a few times when I wanted something, so I "bribed" him (I know how bad this sounds--forgive me, I have learned!!) I can only recall one time he asked me for a hand job, and I know that was hard for him, He probably felt "demeaned" somehow, needy. And I just didn't "get it" cause I was not feeling as frisky as him back in the day. Sometimes women just have no clue.

Our sexual communication was NON-existent back then. Too embarrased, too repressed, didnt want to offend the other, ask too much, I don't know.

Oh my how things have changed!!
.
A spouse should never have to ask! I know I will never allow him to be put in that situation again. I have learned sooooo much in the past 2 years.
Love this board too!

gerrypony

This is the point of view of someone who is from a similar culture (though I don't know your culture, you do say that she is the only sexual partner you've had, and that BJs could be found demeaning, etc.) The only person i've ever been intimate with is my husband, and I admit that sometimes he will actually ask for a BJ, and I always comply.

The reason I let him ask is my own inexperience (been married 18 months) and lack of confidence. I'm not always sure what he wants unless he communicates it. Sometimes I start a BJ but all he wants is intercourse. Asking your wife might just be a way to communicating your needs to her. In time, she could learn to anticipate what you want and do it straight away.

If she is unwilling after you ask, it could be for a variety of reasons: hygiene, taste, or fear of gagging. Hygiene is easy to take of, as our fellow members have explained. Taste can be enhanced with a flavored lube. As for gagging, this can be avoided by her only taking you in as far as the back of her tongue. As she gets better, she may even learn to deep-throat. Also, if she is not happy about swallowing (or even having you climax in her mouth), let her know just before you do, so she takes her mouth away and finish off with her hands instead.

I don't think she finds it demeaning. I think she's just not used to the idea, and needs to warm up to it. Do oral on her as well until she climaxes so she sees how amazing oral can be, and hopefully she'll be more willing to reciprocate.