MsLady

Actually I have two questions, but they didn't both fit in the title:

1. How much foreplay do man need before they're ready for intercourse?

2. What would you generally consider the role of a man vs. the role of a woman during a sexual encounter? (for example, when it comes to the house, TRADITIONALLY, the role of the man has been to provide financially, do the yardwork, etc. The woman has done the cooking, cleaning, etc. I know those traditions have changed, just giving an example of gender roles). What are the "gender roles" during sex for the average couple?

I know my questions don't have absolute answers, nor "right"/"wrong" ones since each couple and individual is different, but just looking for general guesses, philosophies on these points, and how it works in your relationship.

SimplyAmorous

I think the younger the man, the less forplay needed, even zero forplay, he only needs to use his mind.

As he ages, he tends to need "more touch". The less testosterone he has in his body, the more forplay he needs to get ready, Unless he has been starved for awhile. Alot of factors at play. Age, hormones, how often you have sex, what the mind is thinking about.

Saya

Me smiling at him seems to be all he needs!

Not sure about Q2. He and I seem to swith roles depending on our moods and needs. Sometimes we are both the aggressors at the same time. Those occasions make for some great fireworks!!

I did date an older guy once and he needed more foreplay and he always was the "male."

bumpgrind1

Q1, Me, I'm 55 and if i smell perfume I'm stoked. Even though I never get it I could be ready ten times a day. My therapist said that I'm not necessacarily over sexed. Normal is whats normal for the individual.
Q2, My wife has never been the agressor/initiator for sex although in oyr better days she did take over during a few times especially when she had a second female with her.

Scannerguard

When I was 18-28. . .every time the wind blew, I'd get hard.

28 to 38. . .I started needing foreplay for erections.

I am 41 and probably need about 10 minutes of it (or preferably longer) especially at night, after a date, etc, especially if I had a glass of wine. (I would hope a partner would want it, not see it as some ritual).

Now any morning my usual post-week fast, any female is welcome to just hop aboard in amazement and your eyes can bulge out. You could hang a towel on it, maybe even a robe.

Forget the foreplay - there's morning breath anyway. . .just hump away.

The role of the male - hmmmm. . .begging? complaining? No, I suppose the usual role of the male is "seductor". . .I do love playing that role. Chasing some tail and figuring out how I can willingly get a woman to take her clothes off.

I"m working on that one right now.

That's the fun part of being male, I guess, although I like being seduced.

Are you trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson?

MsLady

I should clarify when I ask about the "gender roles". I don't mean so much in terms of who initiates, seduces or chases, but rather once you are engaged in the act.

Obviously, both people have to turn each other on. But is it enough for a man to have a woman be responding positively to what he's doing to her or does he need direct penile stimulation for some time as part of his foreplay?

Is the man's role to "be in charge" during sex? (understand that, of course, there are times when he likes to sit back, be carefree and have her work him up .. usually in the form of a BJ's or riding him or whatever). But I'm asking about the "rule" rather than the "exception" for most couples.

I know it's a stupid, basic question .. but am letting myself go back to basics here.

Scannerguard

A. Yes, I personally need some penile stimulation. It's not under direct command just because my partner disrobes. Think of it as a 3rd party in the bedroom. Man. Woman. Penis. The mere thought of sex isn't enough. . .even though I am horny.

B. The only rule about being in charge is maybe like the last 2 minutes as I am trying to cum. Then I need to position my partner and take charge. The rest of time is up for grabs. My partner can be in charge. I can.

I'll admit though. . .the more my partner is in charge, the more difficult it is to maintain an erection if it's not being rubbed the right way. There has to be some emotional compensation to lack for the physical - dirty talk, fantasy, etc. . .to maintain the erection.

Your line of probing questions sounds leading. I am guessing there is a problem and demand from hubby in the bedroom and you think you maybe shouldn't have to directly stimulate? Well, just like a vagina needs some stimulation, a penis needs it too.

MarkTwain

Very true. If you can make a man feel "desired" he is good to go. Young men are arrogant enough to think they are God's gift. This is partly due to the ignorance of youth and the fact that raging hormones give a huge amount of confidence to men, which sadly drains away as men age

Older men sometimes need a little bit of positive feedback, appreciation and sometimes foreplay in order to feel more in the mood.

__________________
MT

SimplyAmorous

I know all of this is so very true for alot of men as they get older. And yet I still feel "comforted", almost reassured, hearing it again from other men in their 40's & up - on this issue.

I have personally struggled with my husband needing MORE than he did in his younger years (it literally was just "there" back then). For a time I was questioning his desire for me & all kinds of unpleasant things were going through my head, to the point of causing him "Performance Axiety" ! Kinda insane after being married for over 20 yrs.

It is always a VERY special moment for me personally, when he rises with some dirty talk, or oral on me WITHOUT any stimulation at all down there, it still happens from time to time. Even with his lower levels of Test, It just makes my whole day!

I didn't seem to take much notice back in the day when he was always hard & ready, Kinda like that song - "Don't know what you got till it's gone".

Glad to hear men say they are STILL HORNY, my husband has had to REASSURE me of this far too many times, I guess I really like hearing it from other sources too.

Unfortunate for some of us women, we tend to use the hardness of the penis (before touching him) as some measuring stick for their desire to be with us.

Thankfully, it ain't always so.

Scannerguard

SimplyAmorous:

My guess is there are sometimes when he (and I) don't need stimulation.

How does 6:00 a.m. half-asleep sound to you?

Then all of the sudden, your vagina needs stimulation, doesn't it?

And he's thinking, "Man! How much foreplay does she need?" LOL.

I did read somewhere it's normal for a man to go soft 2-3x in a love-making session and it doesn't mean he's impotent or she's not desirable. . .it just means those little valves that hold the blood in in the penis can't sustain the length of an average sitcom it takes for women to cum under cunnilingus

Sex is a labor of love so get to work, ladies.

CaliRN

ready three seconds ago lol

mike1

marriedguy

Maybe I'm a little different but as a 24 year old male with a pretty high sex drive I still Love my wife to do foreplay on me before goin for the homerun..sometimes I just like to get off in her, but often I would enjoy foreplay first...and I'm not just talking oral sex I'm talking all the light touching, little kisses and so on...maybe my skin is real sensitive, but I get real sexually aroused by massages...especially around the thigh area, I love my wife touching me anywhere..first in non sexual areas and then moving on to genital areas...if she's massaging me and I'm laying on my stomach..I love her massaging my tailbone, rubbing my thighs on the back and touching/massaging the area between my anus and penis, eventually if she works her way in to give me a prostate massage works as well..for some reason that only feels good sometimes...I like the real light touching around my penis, I love her licking my privates..and so on...maybe because I love it so much is why I do it to her so much..I wish she were to do it more...I really dont think it's only woman that enjoy all the light touching foreplay stuff, maybe not enough men are patient enough to enjoy it...but for myself I like sex to last up to a few hours..those are the best times..

Crypsys

99.9% of the time all she needs to do is give me that "look" and I am already at attention. I find even just being in the room with her as she dresses is enough as well. I've found that as I am getting "older" I am actually needing less and less foreplay in order to be stimulated. Mrs. C says I am more of a horn ball now then I was when we first met as 20 somethings 15 years ago. I think some of it has to do with the fact that about 6 years ago I really started exercising 6+ times a week. The exercise I think both helped my self-esteem, releases endorphins and I think it probably helped to increase my testosterone. Because I do agree, I am randier now then I was before.

I can only speak for us. She likes to be dominated in the bedroom (I don't mean beaten, etc) but she likes me to take full and utter control once we are in the bedroom. The rest of our life she is the one who wants to be in control.

At first I was VERY uncomfortable with it because I felt like I was taking advantage of her. I know it sounds hard because the "idea" of control to most guys is very inviting. But, it's one of those things that once it's in your hands (for me at least) it was very odd and not natural. We had some rough starts at first until I finally got the hang of it.

I'd actually prefer it to be a 50/50 split but I've learned to adapt. Now if only I could find a way to increase the frequency...

marriedguy

I agree, exercise is huge when it comes to sex, just shoots up the sex drive like crazy..I feel like a ****ing rabbit after I've hit the gym..