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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-24-2010, 02:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Hand job

I do not like giving blow jobs never have. I am not comforable with it or good at it. Is there any special techniques for giving a hand job, that would feel just as good to a man? I would really like to give him some special attention without giving a blow job.
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Old 04-24-2010, 03:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hand job

I dunno' about anyone else but I can give myself a handjob. The blow job thing gives me a stiff neck and my wife won't do it either. Personally if it's not something she enjoys I'm not going to be able to get into it either.
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Old 04-25-2010, 05:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hand job

nope, hand jobs will always come second to bj's lol
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Old 04-25-2010, 06:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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otoh, a hand job from your wife beats nothing
I'd thin he would at least feel you were showing interest in him.

You never konw maybe pleasuring him in thi smanner will eventually make you a bit more comfortable with oral.

Oh ... and remember, it doesn't break easy.
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Old 04-26-2010, 02:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Um... You might think you're not good at it but I am SURE that he won't mind you practicing until you get it perfect. I can't imagine a guy not willing to give some tips on techniques. Also, there are plenty of instructional videos out there and of course porn. That should give you all the direction you need if you're worried about how you'll perform.

Like one of the other posters said... I can give myself a handjob and honestly better then my wife does. But that probably has to do with a number of factors. I don't mind a handjob and I think it can be very pleasurable but for me personally I want to be able to touch my wife while she's doing her thing.

Start by using gentle touches, tickling his thigh and then balls and penis with your fingers or lightly with your nails. Kiss him over his body while you do that. Kiss him on the mouth while you're touching him. As you're kissing his body move yourself down and rub your bare breasts on his penis. By this time I would expect he'll be hard and you can start stroking him with your hand. Have some lube handy as well to apply. That will intensify the feeling for him. As you're stroking him do things like kiss him on the lips passionately or encourage him to suck your nipples and touch your breasts. The reason I do not like handjobs is because they're very 'clinical' and I can't really touch her while getting it. But if you can, letting him touch your breasts will help keep him aroused. Even better would be to have him on his back and maneuver yourself onto your belly so your ass is facing him and have him finger you while you give him his handjob. You could always make it mutually beneficial and have him use a toy on you while you're working on him.
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Old 04-26-2010, 02:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hand job

K1WEST1, my wife is medically unable to give BJs. She was born with a cleft pallet and she cannot form suction in her mouth (her nasal passages are open directly to the roof of her mouth). She is also unable to open her mouth for a long time because of issues with the cp and muscles in her jaw.

That being said, she has found inventive ways around it! There are things a wife can do with her body that can make a man wild. Be inventive, use breasts, tongue (if you are comfortable), fingers, thighs, clothes, etc.

I guess the base question is why are you uncomfortable with it? Is it only because you are afraid of hurting him? Or, afraid of doing a "bad" job? Or is it something totally different?
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hand job

There's just something about having your penis between a beautiful woman's lips....hand jobs just aint the same, I think most of it is mental not physical though, as a guy I feel like my wife wants me when she's giving me head..especially when she's enjoying herself doing it, it's pretty hot. Hand jobs are ok now and then but usually only for foreplay, you gotta go BJ to finish it off..
Maybe start by not taking it all the way in your mouth, maybe just do the licking and sucking at the top while giving a hand job, that feels alright too...
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Old 04-27-2010, 01:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I get none of the above.

NO BJ NO hand jobs...
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hand jobs are much trickier to give than blow jobs, IMHO as a guy. Most hand jobs come off (in my personal opinion) as either too gentle or too rough, as it's hard for the giver to feel what's right.

Meanwhile, your tongue and lips have a natural softness and wetness that your hands don't have... which is why, as someone else said, getting a blow job is one of the great pleasures in life! So maybe you should consider it for a special occasion?

However, there is one hand job technique that works well for me, and provides you the opportunity to show your body off to him while you do it (which naturally increases the excitement). It's called the basketweave, and here is a description: Instantly Iconic | Blog | Explaination of the Basket Weave Technique as mentioned by Lisa Rinna on the Howard Stern Show

By the way, you MUST use lubrication otherwise this will feel like sandpaper (in my experience). Try Astroglide, especially the thicker/gel-like kind. And smile and feel sexy while you're doing it. It makes a difference.
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Old 03-11-2011, 04:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by K1WEST1 View Post
I do not like giving blow jobs never have. I am not comforable with it or good at it. Is there any special techniques for giving a hand job, that would feel just as good to a man? I would really like to give him some special attention without giving a blow job.
If you're going to continue to deny him a BJ then get a toy that simulates a BJ. A handjob will rarely if ever come close to a BJ but the toy may help.
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Old 03-12-2011, 12:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hand job

The art of making love 101.
Love= thinking of others before yourself. The blow job isn't about you or your ability to perform such act, but it is about you pleasing your husband. I do understand oral is not for everyone but I believe you just choose not to b/c you don't want to. Do you cook? clean? make the bed? Are you good @ all those things? Do you enjoy them all?
I hate working in the garden but every year I spend countless hrs doing the work, when fall rolls around I have nice fresh veggies. I do the work, I reap the benefits.
I am not telling you BJ's are the answer, or you have to do whatever he wants b/c there are things I won't do, but what I am saying is there is a reward @ the end, there is satisfaction when doing something for your spouse you're not crazy about.
Try putting a menthol cough drop in your mouth, he'll go crazy and the surprise @ the end won't be so bad.
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Old 03-13-2011, 10:32 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm the Lone Ranger here, but when I was married, I loooved hand jobs. I can't explain it, it's just a mental thing that i can't explain.
One key is to treat it like a main event, not just something you do on the side until it's time for something better. My wife and I would give it as much attention as intercourse. Have that look of interest in your eye and rock his world.
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Old 03-13-2011, 03:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm the Lone Ranger here, but when I was married, I loooved hand jobs. I can't explain it, it's just a mental thing that i can't explain.
One key is to treat it like a main event, not just something you do on the side until it's time for something better. My wife and I would give it as much attention as intercourse. Have that look of interest in your eye and rock his world.
A hj or bj is not equivalent to full sexual contact where both partners are being fulfilled. It is easy to say the "if you love him you would_____" fill in the blank with what ever the latest thing that men now seem to require to feel loved. But what is happening is that the woman is required to demonstrate her love in a way a man is never asked to do. How many men would give their partners oral and not expect an orgasm themselves? It does not happen, but if you love her you would you do that? If not why is a woman expected to demonstrate her love by sex acts?

I think that a whole alternate reality has grown up around a woman giving a man an orgasm with no expectation of any satisfaction for her. It is an intensely pleasurable act, that needs the cooperation of the woman, and requires her to do it with no expectation of her satisfaction. Not only that but she is expected to do it with theatrical relish and all the swallowing stuff. So how do you get one person to agree to do what is essential a service - use guilt, (if you love him), threats (if you don't do it some women will), coercion, badgering, anger, demands, manipulation, out and out force. In order to do this with a strait face, a man would have to feel entitled to this service. My question is why? How many times and ways does a woman need to give a man an orgasm to show her love? How did it happen that he is entitled and she not? As with anything that benefits one person and requires the labor of another to supply it, there has to be some incentive for the giver. If there is none then reality distortion is put to use to convince the giver that they should give and not receive.

For me bj are fum, when I am aroused, it would never happen if my husband asked me to do it and has not even kissed me, I would feel like I am servicing him. That means I am turned on, and I have had orgasms before, I have been held and touched. There is no such thing in our marriage as just give him a bj if I am "cold". That is a big mistake. If my H expected me to sevice him to show my love I would not be showing much love. My husband does not ask for bj, he never has, I learned what to do from him and I do it when the mood strikes us. Sometimes he wants penetration and will stop me before he cums or we go all the way. But it is not something I do for him to show my love we have sex to show our love for each other. I don't think I need show any extra love by sex acts. I don't feel I need to give him orgasms and be frustrated, where does that belong in a loving relationship.

I think the resistance to bj in long -term relationships is due to the expectation on the part of some men to have his partner give him an orgasm and forgo her satisfaction. However, ifjmt is part of lovemaking where the woman is satisfied and turned on then it is easy to do. But, the way some men seem to expect it is that the woman should just do it cold no warm up for her. No matter how much distorted reality is built up around this act, it obviously works very poorly in the long-term . The reason is that if one person feels entitled, they see no reason to be appreciative, in fact they will complain if it is not done exactly they way they think they are entitled to have. I think if a woman is asked to give a blow job and forgo an orgasm and touching and affection then she should ask her partner to give her oral and then cuddle and no orgasm for him. Every time he want a service he has to give her a service, I think that men will get to feel what it is like to have these demands placed on them.

I think women are learning to turn it around to show men how it feels, if they want a service as a show of a womans love then they should be willing to provide the same. . This is better than just not giving them and remaining silent about how much resentment is engendered by the expectation that a woman must show her love by giving a service. It may seem unfair to men that they stop but it is unfair that a woman needs to provide a service in order to be considered worthy of love.
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Old 03-13-2011, 03:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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A hj or bj is not equivalent to full sexual contact where both partners are being fulfilled. It is easy to say the "if you love him you would_____" fill in the blank with what ever the latest thing that men now seem to require to feel loved. But what is happening is that the woman is required to demonstrate her love in a way a man is never asked to do. How many men would give their partners oral and not expect an orgasm themselves? It does not happen, but if you love her you would you do that? If not why is a woman expected to demonstrate her love by sex acts? Posted via Mobile Device

I didn't go into detail, but I always returned the favor with my hands or with oral; that is why we made it a main even. I can't explain it, but we didn't always need intercourse; we both loved hands. I think we enjoyed taking turns and bringing each other to orgasm.
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Old 03-13-2011, 05:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I didn't go into detail, but I always returned the favor with my hands or with oral; that is why we made it a main even. I can't explain it, but we didn't always need intercourse; we both loved hands. I think we enjoyed taking turns and bringing each other to orgasm.
Oh no I got what you meant; that is the way my H and I enjoy oral, in the context of lovemaking when we are both aroused. He does not like hj.
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