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Oral, how important is it?

9K views 40 replies 27 participants last post by  Bigwayneo 
#1 ·
I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.

Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.

Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.
 
#30 ·
I think oral sex is very important. The way kissing is a very intimate thing, I think oral sex is just as important to intimacy between lovers. I could not even imagine not going down on my wife as a regular practice during sex. For my wife, usually the only way she can orgasm is with direct clitoral stimulation and what better way to accomplish that than with my tongue.

Unfortunately, I rarely ever receive oral from my wife. I wish she could understand how hurtful it is to me that she does not seem to want to go down on me.
 
#33 ·
it just maks my husband all around happy. we were both "v" when we got together, so its taken us years to work out signals, words, actions and attitudes.

for my husband its love and its how he understands love, and my rejection is personal, so we talk about different things for getting in the mood, and ideas for the next day.

prob for us is we were dumb kids who didnt know ant better, and just said yes to things we should have talked about first, and been well into adulthood and had other relationships. then formed a union, but we are backwards and jump into everything both feet frist.
 
#34 ·
Moonangel...you could be my wife!!
My wife has never liked French kissing (doesn't do it), she doesn't like me going anywhere near her breasts or nipples doesn't really like me using my fingers on her...she quite likes receiving oral I think ( I say 'I think' because although she doesn't groan or give me any feedback she doesn't stop me)... and anal just isn't even on the list of discussion points!
What does she do back...never oral...not even a gentle nibble of my ball bag. Nada! Her idea of foreplay is me tickling her back whilst she 'plays' with my c***. When I am hard she just sits on me. Its actually very boring indeed...I would give my right arm to have a hot, sensual loving relationship with my wife of 15 years.

I guess some people, both male and female are just not 'into' sex. Which is a great pity. Lovemaking isnt just about 'bonking'...couples should 'make love' all the time (spontaneous hug in the kitchen, pat on the bum, slightly naughty text message, flowers for no reason etc etc) but there also needs to be the physical intimate actual sex part...the wanting each other physically. If that part isnt there....it leads to resentment, wandering eyes etc... Very sad.
 
#35 ·
LOL!!! We have similar qualities. I do other things to my husband...along the lines of bondage that drives him wild.

True, lovemaking is a lot more than bonking. Once I spanked husband's b.utt in the kitchen and didn't realize my 8-year-old saw. She asked, "Mommy, why did you spank daddy's b.utt?" Gawd, how embarrassing, but I told her, "He was being naughty so I had to give it to him."
 
#39 ·
Moonangel...glad I made you laugh! Being a little personal here now...have you ever given 'head' to anyone?
I can understand it if my wife tried it once and said 1) Yuk, I really hated the taste of your cum 2) I hated the taste of your c*** etc
Then we talk about it...how about I tell you when I'm about to cum?...it that is still a big no no, how about sucking my balls? She cant complain about hair because I am clean shaven down there!
If you've never tried something how do you know you don't like it?
I would love to 'frenchie' my wife (oral hygiene isnt an issue!)....have her atleast suck my balls...It would make me feel so much closer to her...and mean SO MUCH to me...
Sorry for being 'graphic' but I really believe that if you truly love someone you want to give them real pleasure. Sometimes you have to compromise. I don't particularly like going down on my wife...she doesnt stop me doing it (as she does most things) so I think she likes it....I derive my pleasure from knowing that she is enjoying it..

You don't like giving 'head' or French kissing so you do something else to make up for it....Its like saying 'I won't do that, but I'd love to do this to you....'

I was brought up in a very 'non physical' family. I never saw my parents hug or even hold hands...I kiss my mother on my birthday, her birthday and Christmas...as a family we have just never done the physical thing.
Now that I have my only family with two children, we have deliberately made NO issue of nudity or hugging etc. My wife and I don't even have sex in the dark behind a locked door...so all the children see is a hug!

Which leads me to you smacking your husbands butt!! - good you did it and good your child saw it! You might have a little more explaining to do if he/she barged into your bedroom and saw 'Daddy' spreadeagle on the bed with hands and feet tied to the bedposts, a massive erection and you stood over him naked with a whip..!!!!! I guess Daddy will have been SO very naught that Mummy really had to teach him a lesson..... hahahahaha!!!!!!
 
#41 ·
I wish my wife liked oral. I love receiving (of course) and giving, 69 is the best thing to happen since sliced bread. But, she says she does not care for oral on herself. I asked if it was just me, and she said no she would rather have the real thing. Maybe I'm doing it wrong?
 
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