Oral, how important is it?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Oral, how important is it?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 05-02-2010, 07:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Oral, how important is it?

I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.

Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.

Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.
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Old 05-02-2010, 09:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to being eaten out. My hubby only did it once and has yet to do it again. To me, it is really important. The reason it is is because to me it makes me feel like he accepts every part of me and truly cares about me as a whole.

Without it I feel like a toy he can use and do what he wants with.
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

All I gotta say to you ladies is Your husbands are lucky men to be married to women like you, as a guy I can tell you I would absolutely love it if my wife enjoyed to be eaten out..but instead she's ashamed of it more often than not...but not to turn this into my thread I will tell you one thing..
"take the initiative..force his head down..if not, tell him what you want..a man Loves it when his woman lets him know what she likes..us men like to know that we are making our wives feel good..if they dont let us know we see it as a waste of time"
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Old 01-12-2011, 05:57 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

If both of you are happy with or without it, then its not important. The only time it becomes important is if one of you really wants to receive or give and the other doesn't.
My wife has never given me oral and never will (she said as much). I could go and get oral elsewhere....but I want my wife to do it, not some hooker. I used to do it to her and she enjoyed it....she knows how much I would love her to do it to me but she refuses so now I don't do it to her either.
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Old 01-12-2011, 06:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

I think that performing oral sex on your partner is the most selfless act you can do in the bedroom. The giver gets no pleasure other than seeing, feeling, and knowing that his or her partner is experiencing pure joy.
I love to give and receive and so does my wife.
I honestly believe that people who will not (for whatever reason) go down on their partner are just selfish.
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Old 01-12-2011, 06:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

1. Wash yourself well with a decent soap and make sure you taste good.
2. Go and sit on his face or ask him for queening, telling him to make you cum in his mouth.
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Old 01-12-2011, 06:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

DanF -
Surely if you love someone you like to see them enjoying what you are doing to them? If my wife wanted me to, say, stick my tongue in here ear (which I dont enjoy!) I would do it because SHE loved it.
If you love your H and you know how much he would like you to give him a BJ then why not?
The only reason I stopped giving my wife oral was because her her blank refusal to reciprocate.
Maybe I'm being petty, but if she doesnt want to do something that I enjoy biut she doesn't, why should I?
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

This may or may not work. It will maximize your shot at success with some/many guys.

1. if he does not have a drinking "problem" get him to have a couple of drinks just before showering
2. then shower together and hop in bed - that way he knows you are clean - I imagine you already are but this removes any doubt
3. then see if you can get him to 69

IMO this is about wanting to please your partner.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rsalsa View Post
I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.

Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.

Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:55 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

this totally sucks for you. hubby and i do each other regulary and its never been an issue. It is a big deal for me, in fact a deal breaker. I love to pleasure him this way and would be totally disappointed if i had to beg for it or wait for my birthday.

It would hurt my feelings if he just stopped doing it after doing it for me. I would want to know why, whats wrong, and how the hell i can fix it FAST. If he couldnt or wouldnt give me any feedback could work with, then I would get mad and it would effect our relationship
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:04 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

Jane....she did ask and I told her..."I don't dislike going down on you but I do it because it gives me real pleasure to see you enjoying it...I really want you to atleast try giving me a BJ..." the reply was a very simple 'over my dead body'.
Fine...have it your way then. I dont get what I would really like and nor does she. Her call.
I dont want a hooker to do it, I want the person I love and cherish to do it.... Guess its either a hooker or forget it.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

It's extremely important to me as it's the only way I can have an orgasm. So if my husband wouldn't do oral on me, then I would be pretty damn frustrated.

So to me - during sex - #1 importance!
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jezza View Post
Jane....she did ask and I told her..."I don't dislike going down on you but I do it because it gives me real pleasure to see you enjoying it...I really want you to atleast try giving me a BJ..." the reply was a very simple 'over my dead body'.
Fine...have it your way then. I dont get what I would really like and nor does she. Her call.
I dont want a hooker to do it, I want the person I love and cherish to do it.... Guess its either a hooker or forget it.
one of the reasons im so open to do it anytime is because he doesnt insist on the one thing that would make giving a blowjob unappealing and that is finishing in my mouth. I just CANT tolerate or stomache that. Ive tried and i.just.cant. Its no big deal for him an there is no pressure or beggin me to cum in my mouth so he gets BJs everytime we have sex. Its not just for him either it turns me on.

I wonder if some womens resistance to it is their man insisting on cumming in there their mouth. Some men can be so adolescent, whiny, and babyish about it to the extent that some women dig in and just refuse. (ive been through this with another partner)

your wife is tripping. she wants you to go down on her but not willing to reciprocate? hmph! (taking into consideration that finishing in her mouth is not a requirement)
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Old 01-12-2011, 10:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

It wasn't really "important" in my marriage. I'm probably the only guy in the world who didn't crave bjs, and my wife enjoyed receiving, but it wasn't her main thing. However, I think people should be open to each other's needs and be willing to talk and work things out.
If it is important to one, it should be important to the other to the point it should be addressed in conversation. I don't know your particular issues or his. My wife had a body chemistry that didn't produce a bad odor. Of course, she bathed daily, and with that, she had no odor there, no foot odor, etc., so that made it easy for me.
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Old 01-12-2011, 10:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

I like getting oral, but it's very important. My husband has only given me oral a few times in the 15 years or so we have been together. Though I usually give him Bjs as foreplay. I can orgasm pretty easy. I can orgasm sometimes by just having my breast played with/sucked. So I can orgasm with out oral. Of course getting any sort of sex from my husband is hard.
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Old 01-12-2011, 03:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral, how important is it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rsalsa View Post
I have been married 23 years. The last few years have been pretty rough, I put on a lot of weight and was miserable. Started losing weight last summer and things are great, having sex 3 times a week. The problem, he won't go down on me. I go down on him everytime we have sex, mostly as foreplay as he would rather have the real thing. So, it's not that I won't go down on him. Now he did in the early years of marriage, a lot. He is also somewhat selfish in bed. I have never had an orgasm without a toy, and he doesn't really like doing that. Everything outside the bedroom is great.

Just wondering how big of a deal that is for most women? For me it really hurts my feelings when I think about it. He says he understands that, but still nothing. Wanted to get some feedback on if I'm making too big of a deal out of this.

Thoughts? Comments from men are welcome as well.
I have the sex drive of a teenage boy and I LOVE oral; giving and receiving. My husband rarely did it while we were dating, but he does it much more often now. The last two times, he completely surprised me.

Have you spoken to hubs about how his lack of oral or sharing in bed?
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