Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Been married six years, two kids 6 and 3. Before we got married and before kids our sex life was unbelievable. Now my wife never iniates, doesn't want me to touch her, if we do have sex its normally sex only no foreplay. I also feel like we have sex once or twice a month only because she feels like we should not because she wants it. I am one of those guys who is constantly telling her how beautifull she is, I help with kids and around the house. I feel like we are perfect for each other and we get along great except for this. I have talked to her many times over the last cople of years. I ask can I do anything different, is there something missing, what would make it better for you and I feel like I get no where. The other thing is when we do have sex she never touches me or pleasures me and she was big on this before. So I'm frustrated and confused, she says shes attracted to me and in love with me but can't show it.
Push the issue and LISTEN to confirm there is nothing else that is making her "hold back".
I personally think some of what you are describing is true of many marriages. While there are exceptions and this crosses genders it seems generally men have needs and women have wants.
Sometimes i find my wife's lack of interest is driven by some other dissatisfaction. It sometimes comes out after a dry spell. Seems like i am a little dense to her comments. Even aside from those episodes in general for me and other men there seems to be a dissconnect.
Sex for women is mostly mental and emotional goingcrazy2. Have you sat down together and just discussed it when either of you were not mad? It's hard to have a deep meaningful conversation when we are angry/emotional/upset.
While you may be doing acts of service and kind words, her trigger may very well be something else. Each of us has certain love languages that speak the deepest to us. Maybe your wife wants to be touch and cuddled more. Maybe she wants you just to listen instead of talk. Maybe she wants to spend more time together. It could be many different things. Many times we assume we know what makes our spouses tick, but we can be wrong. Other times life just gets in the way and we forget that we stopped doing x and that's when the issues in bed started.
Below is an example of what I am talking about the love languages...
What happens to romance after marriage? Thats the problem, we still want flowers, surprises and take her away for a day or two just the 2 of you and spoil her. But it must be some place romantic.
I am not sure why this has to be like deciphering the DaVinci Code for guys.
Because women are so more emotionally complex then most guys are. We are simple creatures. Fight, F***, Food (rinse and repeat). It goes back to the whole nature vs nuture issue. We are from nature designed to be ready to go at all times. Women generally need to be nurtured to be ready to go.
Take a look at animals in nature, the things males go through in order to "win" over the woman. They grow huge horns, fight, put on a show, etc. It's the same generally from insects all the way up to primates.
We males perform those things for our mates early on in a relationship. Women are biologically set to have those things excite them and turn on that sex drive. Once married, we males feel we no longer have to put on that show. Once we do that, our ladies interest generally goes away. But, if you keep putting on that show, she will keep being interested. It's just how nature is, she can be one cruel mistress.
Because women are so more emotionally complex then most guys are. We are simple creatures. Fight, F***, Food (rinse and repeat). It goes back to the whole nature vs nuture issue. We are from nature designed to be ready to go at all times. Women generally need to be nurtured to be ready to go.
Take a look at animals in nature, the things males go through in order to "win" over the woman. They grow huge horns, fight, put on a show, etc. It's the same generally from insects all the way up to primates.
We males perform those things for our mates early on in a relationship. Women are biologically set to have those things excite them and turn on that sex drive. Once married, we males feel we no longer have to put on that show. Once we do that, our ladies interest generally goes away. But, if you keep putting on that show, she will keep being interested. It's just how nature is, she can be one cruel mistress.
Yes, but in the animal kingdom there is no marriage (maybe penguins and lobsters mate for life?).... so males are always showing off to win the female. The problem is, if too much time has gone by where the husband hasnt showed off, the woman will still be annoyed with any attempt because its like "why now, why all of a sudden and not before?" SO, keep doing it from the get go and there will be no problem Sorry guys, you know I usually have your back...
We must have married the same women.Don't feel like the Lone Ranger.Trust me most men go through this at some point in their marriage. This just one of thoose things that happen in a marriage.
What happens to romance after marriage? Thats the problem, we still want flowers, surprises and take her away for a day or two just the 2 of you and spoil her. But it must be some place romantic.
Negative. They simply assume the flowers, surprises, and romantic getaways are all pretexts for sex - so eventually they resent those too.
A host of issues have been discussed. Everything from love languages, to men being too passive, or too overbearing, too doting, or too distant.
Where kids are concerned, it seems the overwhelming reason for the death of sex is because mothers have children that consistently pull from their emotional well all day. Come night time, when you as a husband want to connect with your wife, she doesn't view it as an opportunity to emotionally bond, express love, meet each others needs and strengthen the relationship. At the end of the day, she views you as just another body that wants something from her, and she feels obligated, or pressured, or coerced to deliver. Eventually, whether conscious or unconscious, she resents it and you. Sex takes on the dynamic of just another body that wants to draw from her emotional well - instead of a bonding experience that can replenish the emotional well.
I have said it in the past, as have a few others, there seems to be a fundamental disconnect when agreeing to a union. I got married to have a wife. My wife got married to have children. Our relationship as a couple evaporated when we became parents. It shouldn't happen.
The other enemy is simple familiarity and routine.
This just one of thoose things that happen in a marriage.
It need not. It just depends on how determined you are to have sex in your life or not. You need to make up your mind. I know I have
Once your mind is made up, you will quite naturally go on a journey of self discovery that will gradually unlock the secrets of the female's chastity. Good luck. It's not like I haven't written about it - ad nausium.
I just think it takes two to make it happen..does not matter how hard one person tries if the partner is just not interested and does not want it there's not much you can really do...you can try doing all the things around the house, take care of the kids but it will only be more frustrating to find her on the couch passed out while your doing these things..not because she's tired, but just has a lazy mentality on relationships..not saying that's your case..but that's what often happens..
Negative. They simply assume the flowers, surprises, and romantic getaways are all pretexts for sex - so eventually they resent those too.
A host of issues have been discussed. Everything from love languages, to men being too passive, or too overbearing, too doting, or too distant.
Where kids are concerned, it seems the overwhelming reason for the death of sex is because mothers have children that consistently pull from their emotional well all day. Come night time, when you as a husband want to connect with your wife, she doesn't view it as an opportunity to emotionally bond, express love, meet each others needs and strengthen the relationship. At the end of the day, she views you as just another body that wants something from her, and she feels obligated, or pressured, or coerced to deliver. Eventually, whether conscious or unconscious, she resents it and you. Sex takes on the dynamic of just another body that wants to draw from her emotional well - instead of a bonding experience that can replenish the emotional well.
I have said it in the past, as have a few others, there seems to be a fundamental disconnect when agreeing to a union. I got married to have a wife. My wife got married to have children. Our relationship as a couple evaporated when we became parents. It shouldn't happen.
The other enemy is simple familiarity and routine.
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what changes a women after marriage 
Re: what changes a women after marriage 
Because women are so more emotionally complex then most guys are. We are simple creatures. Fight, F***, Food (rinse and repeat). It goes back to the whole nature vs nuture issue. We are from nature designed to be ready to go at all times. Women generally need to be nurtured to be ready to go. 
Don't feel like the Lone Ranger.Trust me most men go through this at some point in their marriage. This just one of thoose things that happen in a marriage.
