sexual limits of men versus women
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 05-13-2010, 12:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default sexual limits of men versus women

I know no men who have ever said, "My wife wants me to do ______ but I don't like it so I don't do it".

At least 75% of married women I have known have said, "My husband wants me to _______ but it ain't gonna happen."

In my own case I have no limits to any sexual request my wife might make.

My wife, however, has two steadfast rules that have been in place since we first had sex in 1987:

1: No anal.

2: No swallowing.

In every other way she is sexually liberated but she doesn't budge on those two rules.

Why do (some) women just flat refuse to perform a certain sexual act while (most) men's greatest fantasy is to be asked to do certain kinky/odd things?
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Old 05-13-2010, 07:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

You say she is sexually liberated in every other way, so should these two rules matter? I don't think there's a woman out there who would do EVERYTHING ... everybody's got some limits.
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Old 05-13-2010, 10:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Danny, just depends on the woman and man. There were some things my wife asked me to do that I did for her, but only out of love for her. I never liked doing it, but we both agreed to try most anything once.

My wife is one of those sweet, innocent shy women in normal life and like almost a totally different person in the bedroom. I can't say that I hate it, but it does make things frustrating sometimes. But, I am thankful that we have the kind of relationship where we are both comfortable enough with each other to tell about of fantasies.

Some people are unwilling or afraid to broaden their horizons sexually and in other facets of their lives. Sometimes its simply because they don't care. But many times, they repress it out of fear of judgment.
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Old 05-13-2010, 11:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Now that Im on the pill, I can safely say all creativity is just gone out of my mind. Prior to the pill, I would be open to most anything... now it just doesnt even enter my mind. Its like I lost my mojo. So many women are on the pill and it is proven to reduce or destroy sex drive... which is the factor that would make them even remotely interested in trying thigs out... they dont even want to do "it".

Maybe that little pill that was meant to broaden womens sexual horizons and freedom, has had a blip!
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Old 05-13-2010, 02:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

I think also that women still have the stigma of needing to be nice and polite and sexuall repressed in society to an extent. Some women are scared of being judged if they were to just reveal all their fantasies and wants and be totally open sexually. Where as men are known to do just that, and because its more socially acceptable, they are more likely to voice there desires......

As for our relationship- we have opened up SOOOOO much the past 6 months about our sexual desires and ideas, but there are still topics that i feel are off limits because I have no idea how hubs would react, and im sure goes the same for him to an extent.

So maybe its not that women dont have the fantasies, and that dont have kinky idea they wish to explore, maybe its more that they are worried of the impression it would put upon themselves if they were to reveal their wants.......just an idea?
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Old 05-13-2010, 03:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

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Originally Posted by SweetiepieMI View Post
As for our relationship- we have opened up SOOOOO much the past 6 months about our sexual desires and ideas, but there are still topics that i feel are off limits because I have no idea how hubs would react, and im sure goes the same for him to an extent.
See, that's something I value so much in my marriage to my wife. We have a totally open door policy about sexual desires and ideas. We are both willing to discuss the issue even if one or the other is not willing to do it. Case in point, my wife always wanted to have sex outside in a semi-public place. I wasn't too keen on the idea and we discussed it, but shelved it for a while. A few months ago she brought it up again and I figured WTH, may as well give it a shot. It was a horrible experience from my part, I hated almost every single minute of it. She was very appreciative that I tried it for her and it meant a lot for her.

I guess in the end, I see nothing so out of bounds that a couple can't at least discuss it together.
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Old 05-13-2010, 03:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

I think that some women are just that way and there's not really much you can do to change it..I think if those were two other things she said no to it would be different..but the fact that they are "no swallowing" and "No Anal" that makes things pretty tough for someone who wants to get a little extra kinky...I mean how kinky can you really get by only having vaginal sex? Honestly..I dont really consider anything vaginal "kinky"
Sucks in your situation..but you are definitely not the only one..

I've tried talking..I've tried initiating different things..tried being the good husband(doing all the dishes, cleaning the house, daily massages for my wife from me, etc) I've tried suggesting things..tried sweet talking..you name it, I've tried it..even tried those love coupons..in the end if the person isn't interested then they just are not interested..Sad..But True..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8BRbM52gpc
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Old 05-14-2010, 07:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

[QUOTE=marriedguy;148919]I mean how kinky can you really get by only having vaginal sex? Honestly..I dont really consider anything vaginal "kinky" [QUOTE]

Haha ok what about blindfolding your wife and putting handcuffs of here and banging her in a sex swing tht hangs in your doorway while watching a porn? That could be considered at least mildly kinky hahahah OO and dont forget about using the whip as well lmao hahah
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Old 05-14-2010, 03:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

I think what you are describing is another example of the ways men and women differ on things. Even if i did not particularly care for it i would TRY almost anything if my wife wanted to. Short of doing something really painful or something envolving another man would be ok with me. Heck if my wife wanted to use a strap on, or have me even watch gay porn i would probably do it if it tickled my wife's fancy (don't think i would like either one but, would give it a try in the interest of exploration.

My wife swallows and loves giving head. She takes pride in making me scream. Anal has not been something I have a huge interest in so not sure if she would oblidge.

If your "not swallowing" means she has never "finished" a bj, then I am not sure your your wife can be refered to a "liberated" though. If she "takes it on the chin" or wherever and pleases you that way and others but, chooses not to swallow or take it in the butt and otherwise is open then i say choose your battles.

Curious what other things that would qualify for being "liberated though"
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

I agree with Crypsys and Sweetiepie... It depends on the person with all of his/her background, and a lot of women were brought up with a "nice girls don't do that" philosophy. There can simply be so many factors.

My SO and I have a "role reversal" where I am much more open, while he's more reserved with a lower drive than me. I was raised in a fairly open non-religious family, which was mostly my mom, sister, and grandmother after my parents divorced, while he grew up with a rather reserved Catholic family. Again, so many factors.

LC
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Old 05-14-2010, 11:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Quote:
Originally Posted by danny View Post
1: No anal.

2: No swallowing.
She won't go down on me
She won't let me go down on her
She won't doggy style
She won't .........

I could see complaints like those on my list being brought into question, but I don't understand the two items listed by the OP being brought into question as sexual limitations. Number 1 is extremely painful and physically damaging. So why is that something to question one's wife/partner for not doing? Or to list it as a sexual don't? A sexual don't is a matter of preference, or maybe a taboo due to upbringing. Anal sex is not a sexual don't. It hurts like hell. I don't see a man wanting his wife to endure that kind of excruciating pain, but I guess that should be on the long list of things men don't care about. Just for the sake of his extended pleasure no matter the cost to her? The first time I was asked to do it I did it, but never again. Had I known how painful it would be and what it would do to my body, I wouldn't have done it in the first place.

Item # 2 is also not something I figure a woman just out and out refuses to do. Why is that on the list since it isn't anything that gives a guy any particular pleasure? What is it with wanting her to swallow? You came in her mouth. Your pleasure meant enough to her to do that. What does it matter what she does with it afterward? I don't swallow because I hate the taste. Okay, it tastes nasty. I don't mind him cumming in my mouth because it adds to his pleasure and doesn't detract from his pleasure as it would if pulled back at the last moment. But, if I swallow the taste lingers, and I have no idea how long it takes to dissipate, seemingly all day and tomorrow too LOL. No amount of drinking/eating removes the taste. So, I prefer to spit it out because then the taste doesn't linger. Therefore, not swallowing is also not a sexual don't either because if it is okay with you guys, a woman who doesn't swallow prefers not to have to taste it for a couple days. It would be perfectly all right if it didn't linger. Thank you very much, but I have grown to like the flavor of my prime rib minus the added bitter taste of semen LOL. Probably also the reason I don't like capers.

Last edited by Susan2010; 05-14-2010 at 11:50 PM.
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Old 05-15-2010, 09:01 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Quote:
I don't see a man wanting his wife to endure that kind of excruciating pain, but I guess that should be on the long list of things men don't care about.
That was an inappropriate commentary on men, Susan2010.
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Old 09-27-2010, 11:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Well, personally I don't have any limits on what I will do with my current partner. But, we have also been together for over 12 years (off and on anyway) and are extremely comfortable with each other.

When I was dating (in the past 3 years during separation) I did have some limits. But, it had to do with the person I was with...

He, on the other hand, has one rule. He won't let me even TOUCH his rear. I have joked about letting me put something in him, as he likes to do to me and he remains totally unrecepttive to the idea.
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Old 09-27-2010, 12:07 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Women are raised to have sexual limits. Men are not. We don't just turn off the inhibitions when a ring is put on our finger. Most women are inhibited because of years of societal conditioning that says if we do any and everything we are a "freak" or a "*****".

On the other hand, in my experience when men get into committed relationships they become routine in their sex lives. They do the same moves over and over, rarely switching their game up. This can become boring. I've read that women usually request variety in their sex lives more than men. That is true for me. I asked my husband if he would please be a little more aggressive with me sometimes and not always so tender and gentle and he actually seemed to resent me for it!
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Old 09-27-2010, 12:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: sexual limits of men versus women

Crypsys, I really enjoy your posts and reading about the close relationship you have with your wife, very inspiring. And yes, you are lucky she responds so fast!

Susan, as a woman may I respectfully offer an alternative view? I hated anal when I once tried it, so when my H brought it up as a fantasy recently, I said yes but I was scared. Well, we did it last night, and I was so turned on and relaxed, he got all the way in on the first try, in doggie style position! That is not the position they recommend for first time. If I had said no, he would have been fine with it. (Hint - guys must have strong erection - a semi-soft erection will not make it in)

As far as swallowing, I'd swallow it if it tasted like capers. I lick his or my taste off his body. I call it love juices.

Couples, enjoy yourselves, you will find you are so much happier and closer to each other.
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