mom2threekiddos

I guess I will start from the beginning.

This all started around the time we concieved our third child. March 2006. We have three kids, all close in age, (our youngest was born in November 2006, our middle son, just turned 5, Birthday is May 2005, and our oldest is 5 too... about to be 6 at the end of June, his birthday is June 2004)

When we dated and the first few years of our marriage was great! We had sex alot. No complaining from either of us. But after we found out we were pregnant with our third, it seemed like the no sex button was pushed and it went way down hill from there.

We had our third son, and three months later, after alot of "pushing" from both sides of our families, my husband felt like he was forced into getting a vasectomy. I didnt want him to, but he felt like everytime we saw our relatives thats all that they would talk about. They would call us the rabbit family. So, he goes off to have the vasectomy done in February 2007. Our sex like took a real hit around that time. We went for 9 months with no sex. Nothing. He started to gain weight, right now he is at 275lbs, 75lbs over his normal weight.
He has sleep apnea, and doesnt get the normal amount of sleep he should get. He gets between 4-5 hours of sleep each night. I try to tell him to go to bed sooner, but he doesnt. He stays up to watch tv, check his emails, or watch a movie til mid night. Then he goes to bed and gets up at 5am for work. He goes to work, comes home, eats something and wants to fall sleep. He will literally fall asleep while sitting on the torilet! At first I saw it being funny, but now I get mad finding him like that. He's a man in his early 30's. He should know better, as to when he needs to go to sleep and get enough sleep. This also affects our sex life too. He stays up to watch tv or whatever and then uses that to tell me he doesnt have time for sex, he needs to get to sleep for work the next day.

He recently got his testosterone levels checked and the results came back at 150. The dr said thats half of what they should be. It should be at 300. So, they put him on some medication that he has been taking for a week now. But since then, he's been teasing me during the day. A few days ago, he told me he was going give me some sex that night. He puts on some cologne which drives me crazy with my hormones and tries to be all cuddly, and then when it comes to getting the kids to bed, he watches a movie and it turns out to be mid night or later and he goes directly to sleep. No sex. Its like he is teasing me and getting me all round up for sex and then its nothing. No sex.

Ive asked if there was another woman, he said no. Ive asked if it was me? my physical appearance? he said hell no. Ive asked if its stress at work? he said no. He does take blood pressure medication, which he's been taking since Ive met him. I dont think it could be that because when we first met and dated and got married our sex life was great. No problems at all. He is on the same medication now as he was then.

I feel like he is taking me on this wild roller coaster ride with our sex life. He gets me all round up during the day with the cologne, and trying to touch my boobs and such when he walks past me, tells me Im going to get some that night, and then like a bomb.... that night he says NO. I just cant figure it out. I am feeling emotionally drained. I dont know what to do. I've done things to try to spice up our sex life and he looks at me like Im a retard. Ive literally gotten to the point where Ive begged for sex. He walks away or either says no.

I dont know what is going on? I cant figure it out. I've told him that I cant take this any longer. I want to be in a relationship where I have some physical attachment, and feel loved. I dont want to be in a relationship where all I feel is I'm a housekeeper and babysitter. I feel like he and I are two strangers living under the same roof and we dont communicate at all. I want to be close, but he never wants to be.

If anyone here can help or give any suggestions, ideas... that would be great. Thanks for reading my novel.

Sierra61

First of all, the problem is your husband's extremely low testosterone. He's still only at 300... that is EXTREMELY LOW. I know, I have been married to a man who was at that level for years before getting on Hormone Replacement Therapy.

It has nothing to do with you, at a T. level of 300, even getting an erection or keeping one will be difficult. You didn't say how old he is, but the average 40 year old healthy man should have a T. level in the mid-600's. He needs to see an Endocronologst and beging HRT immediately. The difference it will make in his life, mood, libido and outlook with be HUGE.

Oh--- and any Dr. who thinks 300 is an acceptable T. level has no clue what he's talking about.

mom2threekiddos

His level came back at 150 for his testosterone level. The dr said for a normal level for his age (he will be 33 in September), it should be 300. So the medication, which is called Straint, they are 30mg tablets which he takes 2 times a day, (every 12 hours) the dr said it should help slowly increase his testosterone level to where it should be within the next 3 months.

But what I cant get through my head, is if it is his testosterone levels, why in the world would be look at me the way he does when I do the things he tells me do to help "spice" things up?

2Daughters

Maybe he's just crazy

mom2threekiddos

I dont know what to think anymore. I have some close friends who happen to be guys, they are now married, they just dont have kids yet. And they cant think of why in the world he wouldnt want to have sex? My friends are my age, 29-31 years old. My husband is alittle under 4 years older than I am. But it shouldnt make that much of a difference when it comes to sex.

Im the one thats so badly wanting the sex. I have felt this way the last 4 years. I feel like he just doesnt love me, or its me. Something about me. But he keeps repeating himself over and over again that its not me. Ive asked so many times, he gets upset when he hears the words start to come out of my mouth. He keeps saying its not me. Get over it.

I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to end the marriage, we have three beautiful little boys who adore both me and my husband. The last thing I want to do is make their life more difficult with us breaking up over this matter. I just want thing like the way they were before. I'd like for him to hold my hand in public, want to go out with just him and I to a movie, or to dinner, etc. Just the two of us. Even at home he doesnt want to cuddle with me, or show any affection. I get 1 kiss on his work days when he leaves for work. So out of 7 days a week, I get 5 kisses. Nothing more, no hugs, no I love you's. Nothing. Makes me feel sad inside, angry, all these different emotions are just wanting to come out at the same time and I dont know what to do next.

2Daughters

Damn!!!.now I get why my wife separated from me...you need to let him know NOW what he stands to lose...I was unhappy in my marriage but feel guiltier for my daughters having to shuffle them back and forth between houses...LET HIM KNOW NOW!!!..I was like him but towards my wife...she left me 'signals' I didn't respond soon enough...she finally said "ENOUGH is ENOUGH it isn't even about the sex it's the lack of intimacy"...now I have to rebuild myself all over..I can't stress enough...LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING...he'll love you more...unless he's cheating.

Shadowhealer

Shadowhealer

1. A good blowjob can make things different for him
2. A good voyeur of your husband's fantasy can make things different
3. Having a good movie to watch together can see him get a
good stand
4. Look for alternative methods of silencing your desires (which gives more pleasure via esex, etalks, ediscussions and efantasies)
My most practical solutions

Sierra61

PLEASE listen to someone who has vast experience married to a man with low T. The other advice will not work because of his condition. "A good BJ" will not work with a man with a T. level of 300.

Please look at the charts here, especially the chart fourth from the top:
Male Normal Testosterone Levels - Ranges by Age in Men | ng/dl and nmol/L

Your husband is only in his ealry 30's, his T. level should be in the 600's and many men have T. levels in the 900's.

I said in my initial post that his Dr. is an idiot and he's even a greater idiot not even prescribing your husband Androgel, Testim, or another prescription Testosterone replacement. Claiming 300 is normal" is preposterous!

A level of 300 testosterone is LOW even for a 99 year old man. There will be very little libido or sex at such a pathetic level. It's not your husband's fault, nor your fault, it's just the luck of the draw that about 10% of men suffer from low T.

I am begging you to listen to me and get him to a competent Endocronologist. He's lucky to have this problem diagnosed at a young age. I had to suffer until my husband was 46 before he got help and it made him a totally different man.

mom2threekiddos

I've suggested the oral and fantasies, but he said no to them both. Movie wise, he likes action movies, all the fighting ones, I like comedies, chick flicks. When it comes to porn, he has just shrugged his shoulders on watching it together. He said he's never watched it with any of ex's and doesnt know how he would feel about it. Kind of gave me a weird look about it. So to me that was a no. I try to be affectionate with him. Hold his hand in public, sit next to him while watching tv, in that case, he sits next to me for a few minutes and then he gets up to do something and sits on the floor! Not next to me. Ive tried everything I could think of. What I couldnt think of, I went to him next and asked him what it was he wanted me to do? Thats when he said to walk out naked, go to sleep with no underwear on, flash him, anything he told me to do, I did. But it wasnt a positive response I got. It was a bad one. Like what he was saying was all lies to me.

Sierra61

We posted at the same time. Please read my post above yours.

He's never going to be interested in porn, BJ's or anything else when he has a profoundly important medical issue. Men with 300 testosterone levels have virtually no sex drive. It doesn't matter what you or any other woman will do, they have no libido. That can be fixed with HRT.

mom2threekiddos

so what his dr said about it needing to be at a normal range of at least 300 for his age is not true? He went in to get the blood drawn himself, then a couple days later he recieved the call with the results. His dr put him on the medication and said that within the 3 months it will get back to normal range. Will this medication not help then?

mom2threekiddos

I ask this because on the papers my husband recieved with his medication it states this:

Normal ranges for men usually are between 250 ng/dL to 1,200 ng/dL of blood (2.5 ng/mL to 12 ng/mL).

Crypsys

The low end scale will mean he can function, but won't function as well. I'm assuming with that low of a testosterone level your husband is probably pretty laid back, easy going and non-agressive. The more testosterone you have the more your aggression rises and want for sex. That's the main reason why teenage boys are so damn aggressive, in a way they can't help it.

If I were yall, I'd get a second opinion to get those levels up to a more exactly mid-range level.

mom2threekiddos

I showed my husband this and all he said was, "Oh", then walked away. I really think he doesnt care about his desire for wanting sex at all. But Im going to look around and see what drs are in our area and get a second opinion.