Lovingmommy

Ok, this is new to me. Obviously there are problems in our marriage. Lack of sex the biggest one, and I admit, I am the one lacking. BUT.... he doesn't initiate it the right way. There is no romance. He crawls into bed... with himself exposed... and says "I'm horny" as he swings his junk at me. I'm sorry but that does not get a girl in the mood. And yes we have talked about it. I know he wants sex but he does not make me feel attractive at all to him. My biggest problem, and question.... is this..... Is it normal for a married man to masterbate while watching porn? And if it is, is it normal for the wife to feel extremely hurt by it? I honestly feel like he is cheating on me. I can't stand the thought of him doing it. Even without the porn, when he lies in bed next to me and does it, while I am falling asleep.... it is very bothersome. Is this all normal in a marriage? Am I the crazy one? Please help... I need to hear some advice!

MarkTwain

So which came first, the lack of sex, or him masturbating to porn?

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MT

Amplexor

Unfortunately many brought up on porn as a sex guide have these expectations. Unzip my fly and hang out my business and some girl will drop to her knees or back. On the porn you will have to set the boundaries with him. You are his wife and it hurts you that he uses it. It is no different then any other boundary in marriage. He needs to understand how it makes you feel and if my guess is right, some of your lack of interest in sex with him is due to this habit.


Masturbation in marriage is just about inevitable but it doesn't mean it's more important to sex. Don't take it personal unless it greatly replaces sexual intimacy.

When it comes to sex most men are like Pavlov's dog. Conditioned response. When he does the things that make you happy or to desire intimacy with him make sure he knows it.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

michzz

Are you sure that every single time he indicates wanting sex that all he ever, ever does is wave it at you in bed?

100% of the time?

At no time did he ever use any other method of "seduction?"

If this is so, then how the heck did you get with him if it repulses you?

What I am getting at is that it seems that things have evolved in your marriage regarding intimacy.

Which also means they can change again.

BTW, maybe he is trying to send you a message by masturbating in bed about his level of frustration. Not a verbal message by any means, but a message of a sort.

CH

When you 2 first started having sex, was it pull of clothes, get it on, get done and out?

If that's been the norm and now you want a little more romance it's gonna take some work for a man to change their habits. We're like dogs in a way, we get it one way and that's what we're used to.

**Analogy inserted here**
If we're used to you just throwing us the bone to get our treat then that's how we want it. If suddenly you want us to go and grab your slippers and the newspaper before getting the bone then that's gonna screw us up. The man will be like, what just happened, I didn't get my damn bone......Walks away hurt and doesn't know what he did wrong.

Just telling a man you need more romance will not work, we might think, "OK more romance, throw on a slow love song, my little friend is up, let's go I'm ready."

Sometimes, for a man, you gotta sit them down, grab a piece of paper and draw a diagram for us (some pun intended) but it's the truth. Men cannot decipher this woman code OK, ladies remember that and engrave somewhere, anywhere, WE DO NOT KNOW WOMAN TALK. Get in my face and just blurt it out, we might get hurt at 1st but then the light bulb just might light up if you tell us straight up. Enough of these I'll give him hints to let him know what I want. Just tell me.

Almost all man, married/single masturbate. I think that most of us are going for a world record at times. If you're not getting any sex and he's not masturbating then you might have a huge problem at that point.