Nothing but Sex

SilentRanks · 05-24-2010, 03:41 PM

Hello,
I have been married for almost 18 years. We have had our hard times and worked thru them. But my problem now is ....Sex is all we have to talk about. I love my husband with all my heart. I dont want other men..or women for that matter. But he does want me to be with other men. I have questioned... to myself....not him....if he can truely love me if he wants to see me having sex with another man. I know he loves me ....but I do question it at times. But thats a totally different problem I have been having lately.....My main problem is that we have absolultely nothing to talk about anymore. Unless its about sex. What he wants what he wants me to do. When I go along with the conversations he is happy and excited... but it seems like the conversation never ends. He gets up in the mornin talkin about sex and goes to bed every night...after sex...talkin bout sex! When he text me from work ...its about sex. I try changing the subject...and his next sentence is... Dont change the subject...... I asked him today why is it that we have nothing to talk bout anymore if its not about sex...he gets mad at me and says he is sorry he will try to think of something to talk to you about. And then nothing....no texts no calls.......no communication at all. I just dont know what to do about this without him gettin mad and me ending up cryin and sayin its all my fault and that i wont bring up the subject again... Im just so tired of it ...that even tho i love him with all my heart...i feel as though the only way out of this is just that.....to get out ...out of the marriage... I feel as tho i will never be who and what he wants me to be.

Scannerguard · 05-24-2010, 04:01 PM

Mmm. One track mind, huh? Well. . .I can kind of relate. Sex is "interesting" to say the least but there are other topics to talk about.

But always look at the number of people viewing here. . .other than General Relationship discussion, this forum always has the most viewing. For some reason, it enraptures us, I guess. But I suppose it can be an obsession.

What are his other interests besides sex? I mean - does he like football? Woodworking? The History Channel? Star Trek? The Stooges? Not that you should have to but you may have to co-develop an interest in something like that.

He may feel it's the only commonground he has with his wife and don't be too sad by that.

I really don't think marriage was always expected to be that the two people were supposed to share so much together. I can remember my grandparents - one would go off fishing and the other went and played cards with her friends. Yeah, they had meals together, they had kids, I am sure they had sex (although I never pictured it). . .but a lot of the commonground ended there.

I don't think there was that expectation that they were to be "best friends" or "soulmates", although it's a nice sentiment.

Maybe some compromise between "soulmate"/"best friend" and "sex partner" is in order.

HappyHer · 05-24-2010, 08:48 PM

Let him know you miss the other parts of your relationship that you used to have before sex was the main conversation and ask him if there is some reason why sex is focused on to the exclusion of everything else you could be talking about. Try not to put him on the defensive, just be curious and see where he is at, then maybe you'll have a better idea of how to suggest talking about other things too.

SilentRanks · 05-25-2010, 09:25 AM

Thanks to both of you! I will try these things out.. I dont want to loose him Im just worried that after 18 years of marrige..the fire is gone ...and im not talkin bout in the bedroom that is still strong....just in the marriage in general.

okeydokie · 05-25-2010, 02:49 PM

it could be he just has an insatiable appetite for intimacy with you. i do not understand the sex with other men thing though, that may just be a fetish/fantasy.

i desire my wife now more than ever, we have both changed somewhat physically as we have aged but man she is still hot to me and i cant think of much else but having my way with her.

SimplyAmorous · 05-31-2010, 02:08 PM

It is funny, the way you described your husband was the way I was acting about a year ago, and I am a woman! For me, I think something was going on Hormonally though, I even had to see the Gyno to correct something, literally I was "obsessed" with talking about sex -what led me here - and wanting to have it every day- maybe twice. It was kinda nuts, this has calmed down some -and is a blessing really -for MY mind. I was literally undressing every man I seen out in public for a time. I really have no idea why this happened to me, but I will admit I have an "obsessive" personality, when I get interested in one subject, it is TOPS till I move on to another. It was the funnest obsession I have had, I will say that.

Is this something new, out of the blue, how your husband is acting? Does he move on from one obsession to another, kinda throwing himself into things -with GREAT intense involvement until he accomplishes what he set out to do and moves on to the next project? Or has he always been sex obsessed and it is finally wearing on you lately?

Some guys have a fantasy of wanting to see their wives with another man, not a good thing to do and the reality may change his mind real quick. I would hope he will get over this part of his obsession.

You are saying maybe the Fire is gone. Maybe he is looking for some new Fireworks himself. As we get older, we do need to spice things up. Maybe this is a Mid life crisis for him, he knows he is getting older and wants to feel YOUNG again, and wants his wife to feel that passion with him. I can honestly say I feel that was part of my problem.

For the time being, try to understand his desire for such talk, Indulge him (but not with another man I hope!) , ask what he wants from you, get to the root of why he is suddendly (if so) acting like this.

Has he recently been put on testosterone ? If so, that explains it !

I know I wanted more "dirty-flirty" talk from my husband, more initiation, I wanted to feel YOUNG again, and him to ACT young again. This may last for a season, I am sure all of this will calm in time.