In the title of this thread you say: *please* give me advice...
Well here it is, but I doubt you will like it, much less take it...
He masturbates frequently, about 5 times a week...he has a high sex drive...myself, maybe about 3x a week or so, I still have a sex drive that's pretty high as well.
This is a good sign, it's also the clue to the solution.
What you both need is something to push you over the hump. How about letting mother nature help?
Here is my suggestion:
You both obviously have healthy sex drives, which is evidenced by your masturbation habits. However, all your urgency is being defused by your masturbation. This applies to both of you.
So this is what I would suggest: Both of you must stop masturbating for now - for up to one month. Make a pact that the only release should be through each other. every day that goes by will gradually turn up the heat. Without the outlet of masturbation you will both want sex. He will not be so damn patient with you, and you will in turn want to get over this hurdle. Also, there is very little chance of him loosing his erection if he has not cum for 2 weeks.
However, I'm worried about you. You are in two minds. You say you want to have sex with him, but when he tries to lead into it even gently you blow him out, as seen in your post here:
Originally Posted by youngb
Last night he *definitely* was NOT trying to have sex, I'm 100% sure of that, he was trying to start somewhere slowly so I can be comfortable with even the most basic displays of affection...he rubbed my arm, my head, little things, nothing at all sexual but I got very angry. Angry that I'm going through this crap and I did try to tell myself he's sorry, he's only touching your arm just calm down, but my anger takes over every damn time.
Tonight he suggested that we kiss at least once a day. Nothing sexual, just a closed mouth peck on the lips. I was just annoyed, he said we have to start with small baby steps and I do get that but I don't know why I can't just get over this resentment...I know he's a fabulous husband, I'm so lucky to have him, and I trust him with my life, we're everything to each other, I'm just carrying all this resentment around with me.
Personally, I would leave you if I were in his shoes. In fact, I would be careful with my advice above, because the frustration that stopping masturbation might bring him might make him get very angry and then leave you. Perhaps only you should stop masturbating unless you definitely plan to have sex with him. This is powerful stuff. You have been warned.
I'm not your counsellor - I don't have to say nice things to you to get you to keep coming back for the next 18 months. I'm not going to mince words with you, because you come across as a proud person who holds grudges and procrastinates. I can't believe you've kept this going for over a year, and he has just lapped it up. It's a tragedy. Your marriage is filling the world with sad music. If one of you decides to come of the fence it would be a relief to the universe.
In short, may I ask you in the nicest possible way, to get over yourself