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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-03-2010, 12:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Frustrated

So I am just really really really frustrated right now. I just need a place to vent. Everthing seems like its going down the crapper and I am ready to punch a hole in the wall.

I love my wife so much. Really, so soooooooo much. But I just dont know how to deal with this. I just feel used, and ignored and hated, and despised and unwanted. She tells me she loves me, and its too the point now that while I know its true, it is almost hard to believe it the way she says it, and the way she has been treating me. I start to wonder if our marriage is seriously falling apart already. Then every now and again she will really say it, like she means it, completely, with the whole of herself. And I know its true. I know that she really loves me. But never the less....

I feel like she just sits around all day. When she is not at work, she is upstairs in OUR room. And she just sits on her computer every hour of the day that she is not at work. She works like 25-30 hours a week, and I work 35. I have to beg her to spend time with me, and even after that, I am lucky to hang out with her once a week. And when we do hang out, the second we are done watching a movie or whatever it is we were doing she just whines for me to leave, because she needs her "alone time" and has been really stressed lately. ALWAYS?! REALLY?!

She like actually wont let me into our room during the day and complains if i have to go to bed before she wanted to because I have to get up in the morning. She makes me stay downstairs all day. She expects me took go run out and get her cigarettes, food, whatever, whenever she suddenly decides she needs something and whines if I say no or try to get her to go with me since I dont want to go. She expects me to go out and get her cigarettes right after I get home from work at midnight(which of course she could not have told me on the way home), but she would NEVER go out on her own and go get something for me.

Sometimes if I need to get up in the morning, she makes me sleep on the couch til she is ready to go to bed, then she comes and wakes me up to go to bed upstairs. Why can she not go downstairs on her laptop and let me go to bed. She wont even let me sit in the room and watch a movie on my laptop with headphones on.

And to make matters worse, now we are practically not having sex. Seriously? I am still attractive to her, I am losing weight(am down to less than when we met), I cut my hair, shave, started wearing cologne, I do all sorts of stuff around the house, I fix the car. But now she is never in the mood. Or she is tired, or whatever else. She can never find time to do stuff with me. She complains every time I want her to actually hug me or touch me, or give me a kiss that is more than just a quick .5 second kiss. I just simply dont know what to do. I have taken her out to the zoo and on a day long date that she really enjoyed, several times now. And I do not expect sex when I take her out or anything, but I do expect that after spending the whole day taking her places she wants to go and doing things together that we enjoy that she wouldnt castle herself upstairs the second we walk in the door.

Today was my 21st birthday. She worked this morning, and when she got home made me make dinner, and bring it up to her, then go back downstairs by myself. She then promised that she would watch a movie with me tonight. Of course not. By the time that she said I could finally come up, she said she was too tired to watch a movie, so we watched a 20 min show instead. Then she goes to bed and kicks me out of the room again. No hanging out with my wife today, no nice dinner or anything(admittedly we are currently low on money, but seriously, she could have at least stayed down here when I made stuff), no movie, and no birthday sex. We havent had sex in like 2 weeks, and she cant even manage to **** me on my birthday?

I am just so pissed off and frustrated. I am probably going to punch a hole in the door before I go to bed. Seriously.

It sounds from this like I am just a giant push-over, and she is just a bossy b****. But its not like that. I just cant stand to deal with her complaining and crying if I dont give her what she wants. I used to say no to this stuff, but one thing at a time it has gotten out of hand. And she is really nice to me, and she loves me, and she is not a ***** or anything, I think she doesnt realize how I feel. I have talked to her a few times but have never told her just how much this all upsets me.

Why cant this **** be easier? I just want her to touch me, and hang out with me, and **** the **** out of me occasionally, and buy her own cigarettes, and let me hang out upstairs with her.


If you actually read this, not sure if anyone will. Please, any advice? I love my wife and I cant stand to feel so distant from her.
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Old 06-03-2010, 12:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Frustrated

Have you talked to her about these things? Maybe she doesn't realize that her actions are so selfish? Is she younger then you? How long have you been married? Do you do nice things for her? Maybe leave her love notes LOVE is free and can be expressed in many ways. Maybe she is feeling less wanted by you. Not that you don't have the right to be frustrated...so don't take this the wrong way.
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Old 06-03-2010, 12:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Frustrated

Thanks for the response.

Yeah, I have talked to her about a lot of the stuff, though not all of it. We have talked about the lack of sex more than a few times, and I have talked to about us not spending time together. Things always get better for like a week, then it is back to same old same old.

I tried talking to her earlier in the week about some of it, and she just got upset and said she didnt want to talk about it right now.

We are both 21 now, and we've been married a year and a half now.

I just dont know what to do. I have left her love letters(great idea btw), but she didnt even mention it. I tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her frequently.

I feel like the only thing I havent tried is just telling her no all the time, because I love her, and I really cant stand to see her upset, but it seems like the only thing left.
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Old 06-03-2010, 12:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Frustrated

Wow, I'm practically speechless after reading this. You have every right to be upset, she is completely pushing you away and isolating herself. Why though, that's the bigger question. You need to tell her everything you just told us, I mean really the way she is treating you-so NOT fair!

So you're bending over backwards for her and she's not even acknowledging it...Love notes are fabulous, my husband leaves them for me quite a bit and I *always* make sure to tell him thank you because I know there are plenty of guys out there who can't be bothered with stuff like that so I'm extremely grateful to have a man who takes the time out to make me feel special.

You guys are both young, that might have a little something to do with it but I wonder if she could possible be talking to someone else, maybe an online relationship type thing? Just speculation but I can't imagine for the life of me why whe would forbid you from being in your own room which is not acceptable by the way.

Tell her your thoughts, see how she responds-don't attack her, just tell her there are some things you need to discuss...if she doesn't seem to care when you tell her then you should get a lot from that...I know if my husband told me I was making him feel the way you are I would be a mess. You sounds like a nice guy and I agree, stop doing all these things for her, don't be a pushover. You don't want her to look at you as her b*tch because that's not hot, ya know? Good luck, sounds like she needs to grow up sooner than later.
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Old 06-03-2010, 01:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Frustrated

Maybe more of a heart to heart talk? Maybe say these things hurt me when you do them, does anything I do hurt you? Then you both need to make a conscience effort to correct them.
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Old 06-03-2010, 11:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Frustrated

Quote:
Originally Posted by going_crazy View Post
So I am just really really really frustrated right now. I just need a place to vent. Everthing seems like its going down the crapper and I am ready to punch a hole in the wall.

I love my wife so much. Really, so soooooooo much. But I just dont know how to deal with this. I just feel used, and ignored and hated, and despised and unwanted. She tells me she loves me, and its too the point now that while I know its true, it is almost hard to believe it the way she says it, and the way she has been treating me. I start to wonder if our marriage is seriously falling apart already. Then every now and again she will really say it, like she means it, completely, with the whole of herself. And I know its true. I know that she really loves me. But never the less....

I feel like she just sits around all day. When she is not at work, she is upstairs in OUR room. And she just sits on her computer every hour of the day that she is not at work. She works like 25-30 hours a week, and I work 35. I have to beg her to spend time with me, and even after that, I am lucky to hang out with her once a week. And when we do hang out, the second we are done watching a movie or whatever it is we were doing she just whines for me to leave, because she needs her "alone time" and has been really stressed lately. ALWAYS?! REALLY?!

She like actually wont let me into our room during the day and complains if i have to go to bed before she wanted to because I have to get up in the morning. She makes me stay downstairs all day. She expects me took go run out and get her cigarettes, food, whatever, whenever she suddenly decides she needs something and whines if I say no or try to get her to go with me since I dont want to go. She expects me to go out and get her cigarettes right after I get home from work at midnight(which of course she could not have told me on the way home), but she would NEVER go out on her own and go get something for me.

Sometimes if I need to get up in the morning, she makes me sleep on the couch til she is ready to go to bed, then she comes and wakes me up to go to bed upstairs. Why can she not go downstairs on her laptop and let me go to bed. She wont even let me sit in the room and watch a movie on my laptop with headphones on.

And to make matters worse, now we are practically not having sex. Seriously? I am still attractive to her, I am losing weight(am down to less than when we met), I cut my hair, shave, started wearing cologne, I do all sorts of stuff around the house, I fix the car. But now she is never in the mood. Or she is tired, or whatever else. She can never find time to do stuff with me. She complains every time I want her to actually hug me or touch me, or give me a kiss that is more than just a quick .5 second kiss. I just simply dont know what to do. I have taken her out to the zoo and on a day long date that she really enjoyed, several times now. And I do not expect sex when I take her out or anything, but I do expect that after spending the whole day taking her places she wants to go and doing things together that we enjoy that she wouldnt castle herself upstairs the second we walk in the door.

Today was my 21st birthday. She worked this morning, and when she got home made me make dinner, and bring it up to her, then go back downstairs by myself. She then promised that she would watch a movie with me tonight. Of course not. By the time that she said I could finally come up, she said she was too tired to watch a movie, so we watched a 20 min show instead. Then she goes to bed and kicks me out of the room again. No hanging out with my wife today, no nice dinner or anything(admittedly we are currently low on money, but seriously, she could have at least stayed down here when I made stuff), no movie, and no birthday sex. We havent had sex in like 2 weeks, and she cant even manage to **** me on my birthday?

I am just so pissed off and frustrated. I am probably going to punch a hole in the door before I go to bed. Seriously.

It sounds from this like I am just a giant push-over, and she is just a bossy b****. But its not like that. I just cant stand to deal with her complaining and crying if I dont give her what she wants. I used to say no to this stuff, but one thing at a time it has gotten out of hand. And she is really nice to me, and she loves me, and she is not a ***** or anything, I think she doesnt realize how I feel. I have talked to her a few times but have never told her just how much this all upsets me.

Why cant this **** be easier? I just want her to touch me, and hang out with me, and **** the **** out of me occasionally, and buy her own cigarettes, and let me hang out upstairs with her.


If you actually read this, not sure if anyone will. Please, any advice? I love my wife and I cant stand to feel so distant from her.
go to the link below & read the second post:
Sexless, feeling unconnected
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