So I am just really really really frustrated right now. I just need a place to vent. Everthing seems like its going down the crapper and I am ready to punch a hole in the wall.
I love my wife so much. Really, so soooooooo much. But I just dont know how to deal with this. I just feel used, and ignored and hated, and despised and unwanted. She tells me she loves me, and its too the point now that while I know its true, it is almost hard to believe it the way she says it, and the way she has been treating me. I start to wonder if our marriage is seriously falling apart already. Then every now and again she will really say it, like she means it, completely, with the whole of herself. And I know its true. I know that she really loves me. But never the less....
I feel like she just sits around all day. When she is not at work, she is upstairs in OUR room. And she just sits on her computer every hour of the day that she is not at work. She works like 25-30 hours a week, and I work 35. I have to beg her to spend time with me, and even after that, I am lucky to hang out with her once a week. And when we do hang out, the second we are done watching a movie or whatever it is we were doing she just whines for me to leave, because she needs her "alone time" and has been really stressed lately. ALWAYS?! REALLY?!
She like actually wont let me into our room during the day and complains if i have to go to bed before she wanted to because I have to get up in the morning. She makes me stay downstairs all day. She expects me took go run out and get her cigarettes, food, whatever, whenever she suddenly decides she needs something and whines if I say no or try to get her to go with me since I dont want to go. She expects me to go out and get her cigarettes right after I get home from work at midnight(which of course she could not have told me on the way home), but she would NEVER go out on her own and go get something for me.
Sometimes if I need to get up in the morning, she makes me sleep on the couch til she is ready to go to bed, then she comes and wakes me up to go to bed upstairs. Why can she not go downstairs on her laptop and let me go to bed. She wont even let me sit in the room and watch a movie on my laptop with headphones on.
And to make matters worse, now we are practically not having sex. Seriously? I am still attractive to her, I am losing weight(am down to less than when we met), I cut my hair, shave, started wearing cologne, I do all sorts of stuff around the house, I fix the car. But now she is never in the mood. Or she is tired, or whatever else. She can never find time to do stuff with me. She complains every time I want her to actually hug me or touch me, or give me a kiss that is more than just a quick .5 second kiss. I just simply dont know what to do. I have taken her out to the zoo and on a day long date that she really enjoyed, several times now. And I do not expect sex when I take her out or anything, but I do expect that after spending the whole day taking her places she wants to go and doing things together that we enjoy that she wouldnt castle herself upstairs the second we walk in the door.
Today was my 21st birthday. She worked this morning, and when she got home made me make dinner, and bring it up to her, then go back downstairs by myself. She then promised that she would watch a movie with me tonight. Of course not. By the time that she said I could finally come up, she said she was too tired to watch a movie, so we watched a 20 min show instead. Then she goes to bed and kicks me out of the room again. No hanging out with my wife today, no nice dinner or anything(admittedly we are currently low on money, but seriously, she could have at least stayed down here when I made stuff), no movie, and no birthday sex. We havent had sex in like 2 weeks, and she cant even manage to **** me on my birthday?
I am just so pissed off and frustrated. I am probably going to punch a hole in the door before I go to bed. Seriously.
It sounds from this like I am just a giant push-over, and she is just a bossy b****. But its not like that. I just cant stand to deal with her complaining and crying if I dont give her what she wants. I used to say no to this stuff, but one thing at a time it has gotten out of hand. And she is really nice to me, and she loves me, and she is not a ***** or anything, I think she doesnt realize how I feel. I have talked to her a few times but have never told her just how much this all upsets me.
Why cant this **** be easier? I just want her to touch me, and hang out with me, and **** the **** out of me occasionally, and buy her own cigarettes, and let me hang out upstairs with her.
If you actually read this, not sure if anyone will. Please, any advice? I love my wife and I cant stand to feel so distant from her.