06-11-2010, 07:11 AM
Join Date: May 2010
| | Wife says she can't kiss me
When we first started seeing each other we would kiss passionately in public (At night, in small little places where it was outside of view from most people). We didn't go right into sex, we waited a couple weeks and the wait was killing us both I would come to find out later. But for those 2 weeks and the first few years of our relationship, kissing was the most important part. My wife even said "Sex is one thing. Kissing is something else and it's very important." Somewhere between then and now she has come to the conclusion that "I can't kiss you because I feel like you're family. You're delicate in some kind of way where I can't kiss you." I asked if she meant it would be like kissing a brother. She said "No. I can't explain it well. It's just I can't do it." I never really noticed that we stopped kissing because the sex was also infrequent. A lot due to the fact that her mother started living with us. The scenario for sex had to be setup and if something was off, sex was a no go. But I felt I had to be patient. I found other ways to deal with my urges, on my own and when she was up for it so was I. BUT...even this morning, while having sex, she couldn't kiss me on the lips. She actually said "1 step at a time." Looking back, I can't recall NOT kissing during sex but I guess somewhere it did. I know that I have to be realistic about sex and intimacy and that with all the pressures we face in life sometimes a date and time is what we need...but I never thought just kissing was out of the question. I asked "Am I unattractive to you?" She said "No. That's not why." And she would be almost angry that I would assume that.
We tried Viagra yesterday. She said her orgasms came on faster and she could have more (She usually has 2 and on occasion 3 if I work hard) but yesterday 4. She was far more lubricated than usual as well, softer. Today we did it without Viagra and she had 2 orgasms. Both of them took more time but she said they lasted longer than when on Viagra. She says she wants to try Viagra again without any food in her stomach (She ate before sex last time and we waited an hour). We've both used MDMA while having sex (In our more dangerous years) and it was great. Many people thought that would kill regular sex but it didn't. We enjoyed it both ways. I know it's going to sound bizarre but I almost wish we had some MDMA so she could get some of that 'Come here baby' in her eyes and words.
Even hugging seems like a task for her. I ask for a hug and she puts her arms around me but it's almost like I'm not there. It's like when you use to have to hug your mom before leaving for school, you didn't want to do it but you knew you weren't going anywhere until she got a hug and so you would just do it.
I've got another thread going in the 'infidelity' part of the forum. She cheated on me (I caught her in the act just before it got to sex) and alcohol and rocky marriage was part of the reason for why it happened and she's accepted blame for it...and in return I've accepted that I haven't been the best of husbands...but as I mention, I'm trying and it seems like she's waiting for something else depending on the day. I'm 2 weeks out after catching her. There are times when she's emotional about everything and times where she's just not at all. The kissing part is killing me now. I shouldn't be begging for the attention. OK...I'm getting off track...so if anybody has any idea on how to bring that passion back into the kiss, to where she actually wants to kiss, please...any advise.
I wish there were a drug to make women horny. I know looks play a part but she has no apparent interest in looks...at least as far as she says. If she wanted abs, she most certainly will see some soon because I've drop weight after this emotional rollercoaster...in an unhealthy way.