tommygirl

I’m 36 years old, married for 9 years, known him for about 14 years. When I first met him I though he was kind of a jerk, but he was so cute. We dated for a few years, but he never wanted to settle down. Then we broke up. About a year later, out of the blue, he contacts me. We start dating again and this time end up marrying. He never officially proposed. We just picked a date that looked good and went with it. This was my first marriage and his second (he married very young and it lasted less than a year). Naturally I wanted the whole deal…the dress, the cake, etc. He did not. He dragged his feet about almost everything, which made me feel like he didn’t want to get married. I feel like I forced him into doing something he didn’t want to do. And I still feel this way. When I ask him he says that if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t.

Now, 9 years later, we infrequently have sex…maybe once or twice a month. When I ask for it, he has an excuse, like he’s tired or his stomach hurts. When we do, he’s always childish about it. He acts like a 12 year old boy that is seeing boobs for the first time, which is a huge turnoff for me. But, if our lack of sex life is mentioned, I usually get the blame. I honestly do not believe he is cheating…between work, playing computer games, and golf, he has no time. He was raised in an extremely strict religious home and I don’t think the thought of straying has ever crossed his mind. But it has mine. I work with a lot of men, most of which have flirted with me at some point. I have never told my husband this because over the years he has made comments, like don’t run away with one of your boyfriends today. I used to just ignore the advances I would get. But now, it’s attention I’m not getting at home and I like it. A few weeks ago, things escalated with a co-worker to a short make-out session that now I want to take further. I know it’s wrong and mean and completely awful. But I just want to have some fun. My husband is very closed minded and would never think of doing anything racy. In fact, if I suggested anything new, he would accuse me of things and would demand to know where I learned such ideas. That’s why I’ve never brought the issue of making things exciting up to him. I feel like I’m not allowed to be sexual and experimental.

I’m not sure what I’m asking here. Technically I have already cheated. I know what I’ve done so far is wrong and what I’m thinking about doing is even worse. I’m just so bored, not only in the bedroom, but with my life in general.

Its all about her

It's obvious you need to spice up your sex life without giving your husband the idea you're doing it with another man. I'd suggest you buy a sexy little nighty that you show your husband and explain you bought it for him. Then suggest the two of you get away for the weekend. Try being a little sexually aggressive by making the first move. Sometimes we just don't know how to begin. Surprise him with a little oral sex when he's not expecting it. Get the ball rolling sexually and once you get back into a pattern try introducing new things.

Susan2010

You chose this husband. You chose this life. Why did you marry him? I suggest you remember whatever the reasons were and backtrack. What you are doing, thinking, and planning is wrong and extremely selfish. You made a b-line for this route instead of trying any other route. You can take your husband to marriage counseling or a sex therapist or do something different. Tell him your marriage depends on it. You are supposed to live with the choices you made. It would be different if he became this person after you married, but it isn't likely. He was good enough for you to marry, so he and your marriage should worth your efforts. Exhaust every possible avenue and if nothing works to improve your happiness, then divorce and move on with your life to get all the sex and attention you want.

There are plenty of resources on these boards for you to implement in effort to improve your married life. There are advertisements galore and many, many threads with all kinds of suggestions. You are ignoring all of that for instant gratification. Instead of writing a request for suggestions to help your marriage, you are telling us your marriage, husband, and the choices you made don't matter.

MEM11363

S2010,
This is an excellent post.

OP,
Be fair - sit him down and read him the riot act. Give him a chance to step up. If he chooses not to - then at least he will know why you divorced him.

If you cheat - when he finds out his trust in other people is going to be shattered. Permanently.

You have every right to be aggressive in seeking marital happiness. But no right to be sneaky and betray the most important person in your life.

hurtbyher

Seriously, How would you feel if you recieved a phone call that your husband was just killed in a car accident. I would hope your heart would drop, If so you love the man. Don't break his heart and risk what you have or did have. You loved him enough to marry him and was probably happy for awhile. You need to find a way to turn the passion back on. Marriage counseling might help. Take the advice you get here and act on it. You need to talk to your husband and let him know that you are not happy and want what you once had. I am sure he misses that too. Good luck... I wish you well....