Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I hear that in TX the dancers are allowed more freedom with their actions and what they are wearing (or not wearing). My husband has declared that getting lap dances are not cheating... I totally disagree for a married man. Its no wonder his ex fiance left him before they got married... apparently he got these more than several times while he was with her.
Second question... since he doesnt view them as cheating, whats your take on me going out and finding a man to grind on? If its not cheating for him to do it, it wouldnt be cheating for me to do it?
We had a nice weekend, but what a joke of a marriage! He had more fun than me as he viewed porn for an hour and a half while I was running errands and at a girlfriends party on Sunday afternoon. On the positive side... he did have sex with me 4 times this weekend, Im not sure thats even a positive anymore
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Re: Is a man getting a lap dance in TX, cheating?
It is cheating in my opinion. I don't care if the barrier is a condom or a pair of Dockers. If it is out of bounds for you in the marriage it is out of bounds. Simple enough.
I agree it's cheating. Anytime any partner turns outside the marriage to get furfillment in any way it is cheating. They only person he should look to is you. Did you know he felt like this and did these things while you were dating? Did you let it slide then? If you did it will be harder to address it and make him see that it is wrong now because he will ask why it was ok then but not now? I would still let him know how you feel about it and that it needs to stop. I would not look at his having sex 4 times in a weekend as a good thing. Is that what it takes for him to want to be so intimate with you? To have someone else rubbing all over them and putting their stuff in his face? He is lusting for other women and that is not ok. Once you tell him how you feel and that it is not ok, he will have no exuses about doing it. He will have been told that it is not ok, and once he knows that, if he continued, that would def. be cheating. It would also tell you a lot about the type of man that he is. It would show you that he does not care about your feelings and is willing to give up what he has with you for a few minutes of pleasure with another woman. And I can't see a man like that being worth it.
I hear that in TX the dancers are allowed more freedom with their actions and what they are wearing (or not wearing).
Yes, some places in Tx have full nude strip clubs. From what I understand the place cannot serve alcohol, (BYOB). But from what I know freedom with their actions there ARE rules, but of course are they always followed? I dunno
Quote:
Originally Posted by toolate
My husband has declared that getting lap dances are not cheating... I totally disagree for a married man. Its no wonder his ex fiance left him before they got married... apparently he got these more than several times while he was with her.
Is it fully cheating? I'm not entirely positive or sure. Is it wrong? Yes, most definitely. As a married man unless you are there with your wife or with her permission and blessing, you shouldn't be there at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toolate
Second question... since he doesnt view them as cheating, whats your take on me going out and finding a man to grind on? If its not cheating for him to do it, it wouldnt be cheating for me to do it?
If you both are okay with it, then that's fine. As long as you both don't start getting jealous or hurt. Honestly if you are wanting to experience it, you both should go together (one to a male club and one to a female club). I think after going to both it will make you both realize that it's not where you want to be. Or, who knows it may awake some new past time for yall to enjoy together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toolate
On the positive side... he did have sex with me 4 times this weekend, Im not sure thats even a positive anymore
If being intimate with your spouse is not something you enjoy or is positive that means there are things yall have to work out together.
From my own personal view porn, strip clubs, etc are not something I enjoy. Things you see in porn and a strip club can ALL be done at home with each other. Why go to a restaurant and just look and smell the food when you can go home and eat it as well! ;-)
That is just my own personal view though. Some couples do view porn, go to strip clubs and they are happy. But in those cases they are usually done together. I think that in the end is what's important, if your both wanting to do it I think it's okay.
Hapily married pretty open sexually. I Enjoy masturbating, porn, have the typical mens fantasies....think this is all ok in moderation and my wife agrees as long as it is alll in moderation and is never a substitute for our sex between us which it never is.
I think going to a strip bar is a very strange topic as it is guy's dirty little secret that sometimes they fail to tell their wives about. IN some cases it is veiwed as clean guy fun. Heck I have had bosses who would take me to "joints" on our expense accounts and paid for lap dances on those accounts, we just had to swear to management (if asked) it was in the spirit of "entertaining clients" Men trully see the whole thing as some kind of male bonding thing and therefore should be ok. Clearly the whole thing is a strange phenoninon.
My wife is not crazy about me going and i don't go often. I used to feel differentcly but, now believe Lap dances are not ok (for me anyway) especially if there is physical contact that is common with these things. I think it is way too physical for me. My guy friends would probably get mad at me but, this is the way i feel. It is/can be a peer induced thing (not that guys complain) but, i have had my buddies try and buy me dances. It is some male bonding, slapping on the back thing but, again still think it is not ok.
If a women is ok with Lap dances (and understand the extent of the contact) then to me is not a violation of marital trust.
I don't think it can really be classified as cheating but, think it is a grey area, walks a fine line and puts a man in a dangerous situation where they may be able to justify going "a little bit further".
From my own personal view porn, strip clubs, etc are not something I enjoy. Things you see in porn and a strip club can ALL be done at home with each other. Why go to a restaurant and just look and smell the food when you can go home and eat it as well! ;-)
Sitting and watching other people having sex (porn) makes no sense when I could be doing it instead. If you look at most porn movies, are the actors ever sitting around watching others or are they doing it? They are doing it! Not sitting around watching.
Not to mention that most these girls have had very troubled lives, bad childhoods, and low self esteem. Sadly, there are too many people who by watching and buying these movies are saying, "who cares about your low esteem and problems? I am going to use you to get off." Sad, sad, sad. And yes, I know these many of these girls have these problems because I used to work where the movies were produced and distributed.
It's not that he's wrong it's that you're probably wrong for each other. He needs someone who shares his idea of a good time and you need someone who shares yours.
I hear that in TX the dancers are allowed more freedom with their actions and what they are wearing (or not wearing). My husband has declared that getting lap dances are not cheating... I totally disagree for a married man. Its no wonder his ex fiance left him before they got married... apparently he got these more than several times while he was with her.
Second question... since he doesnt view them as cheating, whats your take on me going out and finding a man to grind on? If its not cheating for him to do it, it wouldnt be cheating for me to do it?
We had a nice weekend, but what a joke of a marriage! He had more fun than me as he viewed porn for an hour and a half while I was running errands and at a girlfriends party on Sunday afternoon. On the positive side... he did have sex with me 4 times this weekend, Im not sure thats even a positive anymore
Hmmm. Not so sure about the lapdancing thing.
I've been to lapdancing places before with my mates for a laugh. Had lapdance. Told wife about everything and she just laughed and said I was sad.
Not sure about the USA but here in the UK, its strictly regulated. No touching or anything but the girls are naked. Any messing and you can guarantee you will get lobbed out.
In fact, the lap dancing place is on one of the the main streets in my nearest city - Cardiff.
Hapily married pretty open sexually. I Enjoy masturbating, porn, have the typical mens fantasies....think this is all ok in moderation and my wife agrees as long as it is alll in moderation and is never a substitute for our sex between us which it never is.
I think going to a strip bar is a very strange topic as it is guy's dirty little secret that sometimes they fail to tell their wives about. IN some cases it is veiwed as clean guy fun. Heck I have had bosses who would take me to "joints" on our expense accounts and paid for lap dances on those accounts, we just had to swear to management (if asked) it was in the spirit of "entertaining clients" Men trully see the whole thing as some kind of male bonding thing and therefore should be ok. Clearly the whole thing is a strange phenoninon.
My wife is not crazy about me going and i don't go often. I used to feel differentcly but, now believe Lap dances are not ok (for me anyway) especially if there is physical contact that is common with these things. I think it is way too physical for me. My guy friends would probably get mad at me but, this is the way i feel. It is/can be a peer induced thing (not that guys complain) but, i have had my buddies try and buy me dances. It is some male bonding, slapping on the back thing but, again still think it is not ok.
If a women is ok with Lap dances (and understand the extent of the contact) then to me is not a violation of marital trust.
I don't think it can really be classified as cheating but, think it is a grey area, walks a fine line and puts a man in a dangerous situation where they may be able to justify going "a little bit further".
Agree with TJ here about if being a male bonding thing....
so for sake of understanding, when a woman (Wife) goes to a male strip club and one of those buff dudes grinds all over her giggly self while the entire crowd of supercharged females cheers it all on, the wife is cheating.....got it
It is cheating in my opinion. I don't care if the barrier is a condom or a pair of Dockers. If it is out of bounds for you in the marriage it is out of bound. Simple enough.
I dont think it is as easy as saying yes it is cheating. While it may or may not be acceptable behavior- its not the same as an affair in my opinion. There are couples who are perfectly fine with strip clubs. There are those who aren't. Instead of asking opinions on here, just go with YOUR feelings. If it isn't ok with you, then voice that concern and tell him the reasons why.
Maybe try to compromise and see where he's coming from and go with him 1 time. If you still feel the same way about it, then let him know, you tried it out, you dont like it, and he should respect your feelings on it.
I have personally gone a few times with hubs, and he got a lap dance 1 of those times. While I did find the lap dance mildly uncomfortable, the strip club itself wasnt that bad. So our rule - we go together and we dont get dances- and thats the what works for us. You just need to have open communication about it and figure out what works for you
I dont think it is as easy as saying yes it is cheating. While it may or may not be acceptable behavior- its not the same as an affair in my opinion. There are couples who are perfectly fine with strip clubs. There are those who aren't. Instead of asking opinions on here, just go with YOUR feelings. If it isn't ok with you, then voice that concern and tell him the reasons why.
Maybe try to compromise and see where he's coming from and go with him 1 time. If you still feel the same way about it, then let him know, you tried it out, you dont like it, and he should respect your feelings on it.
I have personally gone a few times with hubs, and he got a lap dance 1 of those times. While I did find the lap dance mildly uncomfortable, the strip club itself wasnt that bad. So our rule - we go together and we dont get dances- and thats the what works for us. You just need to have open communication about it and figure out what works for you
Great answer. I have been married 24 years and it always seems easier to voice my issues here to strangers that dont know me or my wife rather than asking the wife. Life is strange sometimes. Why is it the longer we are with our mate communication gets harder?
It's only cheating if your wife forbids it or doesn't like it.
I agree 100% with the observation that it's more of a male bonding thing.
My wife never had a problem with lapdancing or porn and I seldom enjoy either. In fact last time I was in a strip joint the wife was with me.
Interstingly a friends hen party was at our house a few years ago and the girls had some dancers from the local club come and do "lessons" on poile dancing for them...and they all had a blast. One woman, however, apparently was sucking lemons the whole time and came out with all the "a man who likes that isn't worth having" and the "you shouldn't be watching others, you should be doing it yourself" and "I seduce my man just fine" stuff. She left after about an hour. Interstingly, her husband left her a few months later and she's screwing her boss.
Is a man getting a lap dance in TX, cheating? 
Sitting and watching other people having sex (porn) makes no sense when I could be doing it instead. If you look at most porn movies, are the actors ever sitting around watching others or are they doing it? They are doing it! Not sitting around watching. 
