No sex is killing my marriage.

so sad · 06-14-2010, 12:03 PM

My wife and I have been married about a year now. Once we had the greatest sex life I had ever known. I mean till we were both exhausted and so sweaty. We had to put a small fan in our bedroom just to cool us off afterward. My wife would leave a wet spot over half the bed and the warm juices would stream out and soak me. Something happened though and we have never recovered and we can't seem to fix it. One night after she rolled off me and over to her side of the bed and was angry. Shocked the hell out of me so I ask her what was wrong. She said that if that was all it was gonna be then she didn't want me to touch her. She said that all I wanted her to do was to climb on top of me and screw for 2 minutes then fall to sleep. Since then we have not been able to have good sex. All we do is fight when we come to bed and it has really screwed me up. I have issues now with errections. I have gone to Drs. and Therapist. The Drs. give me meds for ED that don't work and the Therapist want her to come with me. She refuses to go because she says it's my problem not hers. Heres the other thing... she won't let me give her any other kind of sex, just intercourse. I mean if I move down between her legs she closes them. I love to give her oral sex. But she won't let me. She won't let me touch her breast either. In fact about the only thing she lets me do is give her back rubs and to me that should help lead to her being turned on but it doesn't. Now we are having fights about once a week because she says we have a boring life in the bed room. She warns me that other wives go out and cheat on their husbands and she brings up a friend of hers who has cheated on her husband three times and she gets bored with her new lover then she goes back to her husband. I don't know what to do. As I said the Dr gave me meds for ED and for about a week we had sex every night but then she had another spell and now the ED meds don't work. My Dr also gave me meds to help with anxiety but my wife said that people go crazy that take those so she threw them out. I am not willing to give up sex in my marriage!!! My wife just gets mad when we have sex but she doesn't give me a fair chance to bring her pleasure and she won't work with me to fix it. I have an appointment tonight with a new therapist, a woman, and my wife is suppose to go with me. I am gonna just lay it out and say that we have to find a solution.

MarkTwain · 06-14-2010, 12:18 PM

Do you have kids?

crazylady · 06-14-2010, 12:35 PM

I am a little like your wife I suppose- I found it hard to let my husband do anything but 'normal' intercourse and although I love him to bits I could not get it out of my head that him going down on me was somehow not quite a nice thing to do. This has been the case all through our married life and I still don't know why I had a problem with it. We did try it a few times as he so enjoyed it but I could never let myself go. We didn't let it become a huge issue as we found other things that I was ok with. Do I wish I had talked about it to someone? yes, but its too late now.
I really hope that this doesn't spoil your lives - it will only become important if you make it so. Good luck with the therapist.

so sad · 06-14-2010, 12:54 PM

Mark, no kids together. Crazylady. I do enjoy giving her oral sex but mainly we are having a problem currently because she doesn't get satified with the intercourse any more but she refuses to explore any other things. I really don't know what happened that started all of this.

MarkTwain · 06-14-2010, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by so sad

Something happened though and we have never recovered and we can't seem to fix it. One night after she rolled off me and over to her side of the bed and was angry. Shocked the hell out of me so I ask her what was wrong. She said that if that was all it was gonna be then she didn't want me to touch her. She said that all I wanted her to do was to climb on top of me and screw for 2 minutes then fall to sleep. Since then we have not been able to have good sex. All we do is fight when we come to bed and it has really screwed me up. I have issues now with errections. I have gone to Drs. and Therapist. The Drs. give me meds for ED that don't work and the

She has deliberately attempted to make you impotent. She is doing it quite methodically, and is doing quite a good job.

I can only think it's one of these reasons:

She hates you
She hates men
She has taken a lover

I would not normally say this to a married man, but for your own sanity you need to leave her and double quick.

Either way, you do not have the right kind of personality to cope with her. You are far too pandering to her. For instance, you let her throw out your meds. I actually agree with her on that, but it still make you look weak. I'm afraid she is toxic for you. You will never fix her, and she will carry on until she has totally broken you.