Re: She wants sex "all the time"
Hold on a minute. I said hold on a minute. No really, HOLD ON A MINUTE!
You're hurt. You're angry. And you have every reason to be. You cannot believe what she did. You cannot believe she did this to you. Honestly, I would feel the exact same way you feel. Actually, you haven't run the gamut of emotions. There are a bunch you have yet to experience. Let us know when the crying starts....and then the cursing....and then the crying again....
But this is not happening to me, so I have a better head than you do right now. Therefore, I need you to listen for just a minute. If you're not able to process it at the moment, then come back in a week to read it again.
You know your wife has a problem. There are millions of people with some kind of mental/emotional/behavioral issue. Many of them are on psychotropics, and many simply try to manage daily. There is zero likelihood your wife is the only person you know. You may not be aware of all of the people in your life taking medication, but I bet there are one or two members of your own family. So think about that. And think about how many of them you love as much as you love your wife. Think about how many of them you have turned your back on. She did something that is unforgivable, but try to set yourself aside and look at it from another perspective.
You would not want her to leave you if you came down with an illness. No matter how much work and sacrifice is involved, you wouldn't want her to leave. And it would be wrong as hell if she did. I'm not saying you are wrong. You and I both know you're right. I'm simply saying I believe your marriage and your children are worth saving since you already accept that your wife has a problem. You can stay by her side and make sure she gets help, rather than blow it off as a passing thought. You can work on rebuilding your marriage and your trust, and please believe that many marriages become better and stronger after infidelity. You can get past this and keep your family intact. You can learn to trust and love your wife again.
I'm asking you to please bring yourself to consider this. You have known for a long, long time that her sexual needs were not normal. You have lived with the consequences of not being able to keep up with her....and you knew that wasn't normal either. You dealt with all of that, so deal with this now. This is just a culmination, an inevitable behavior of her illness. I'm not blaming you in any way, but you had no idea the extent of her problem. You had no idea the problem was soooo real and soooo much bigger than the two of you and bigger than you ever imagined. If you cannot handle what she has done, how can you expect her to handle the need to do it? She cannot. I have a sister who is bi-polar and diagnosed paranoid/schizophrenic. Nothing we can do or say will convince her that her imagination is just her imagination. We cannot control her behaviors, and we can't predict them either. We didn't know anything about all of this until we experienced it over the years. You didn't know to ever expect anything like this, but you have to attribute her behavior to the undiagnosed issue. Help her get diagnosed. Take control and insist that she get help. Stick by her at least for now, and then follow your heart after that. In the meanwhile, MarriageBuilders.com offers lots of resources for recovering from infidelity. There are also many books to read to help you get through this. Get control of your emotions right now. Get centered. Get your wife some help. Get yourself some help. And see happens from there. I really wish you well.