Re: No Sex drive, Husband always wants it
I’ve been reading this forum for a while now, but this is the first time I’ve been inspired to post. It’s kind of long but I hope it helps =)
I agree that you have built up resentment after feeling like you have to do everything, and it can be very hard to feel affectionate towards someone who isn’t holding up their end of the bargain with the business AND with kids. It can be very frustrating to have to help a man through problems as if he is a child, when he is (culturally at least) supposed to be the source of strength and support for the family. That said, however, constantly refusing sex is making your husband feel unloved and unappreciated for anything that he does do (even if it is only 20%). He probably feels like anything he contributes goes unnoticed, and that your attitude towards him won’t change even if he does help out more. I am not saying that this is your fault at all, but you need to be aware of how your actions are affecting him--and you need to make him aware of how his actions are affecting you.
I would suggest sitting down with him and talking openly about what is causing all of the resentment on your end and the laziness on his end. Making these changes will probably be a little difficult for both of you, so maybe when you talk to him, you can work out some concrete goals and some compromises. HappyHer has a great point that he NEEDS to be helping more with everything and taking more initiative. Maybe you can ask him to start incorporating some daily chores into his routine--like doing the dishes, putting the kids to bed, etc. every night (not “twice a week” because he will keep putting it off until it’s next week!) so you have some time to relax and unwind. Make sure that you emphasize that he should do those things on his own, without you having to ask him or nag--and even if he forgets, stop asking and don’t do the job for him, and let him see the consequences of neglecting his duties. If you start treating him like more of a man and encouraging him to take control and take initiative more frequently, then he will start acting like a man. Consequently you will hopefully start feeling more attracted to him!
About the lack of sex… Getting physically rejected can destroy a man’s confidence, and honestly this is probably one thing that’s causing him to neglect his duties--he probably feels resentment towards you for withholding sex, just like you feel resentment towards him for not helping out. It’s kind of a catch 22, and getting out of the rut will probably be tough. But once you do start having sex more frequently, your husband will probably desire it less frequently (the only reason he wants it all the time now is because he is always being turned down)--in turn, you will feel wayyy less pressured/smothered and more receptive to him.