07-02-2010, 01:08 PM
Join Date: Sep 2009
| | Re: Wife is emotional and physically distant
It's time for you to take control of your environment. This starts with you gaining some security and self-confidence. This sounds like a classic case of the man thinking he's doing the right thing by being the "good husband" and pouring on the "I love you's" and affection, while pushing his wife away in the process. If she's not responding the way she used to, it's because she has all of the lovey dovey stuff she needs for a while. Her container is full, so no need to keep filling it.
Ease up and distance yourself for a little bit. Don't become cold or mean, just make yourself less available. Go hang with the fellas a little more. Keep your hair and facial hair taken care of, hit the gym, focus on some hobbies. Don't blow up her phone with texts anymore. Let her text you first and unless it's something important than take your sweet time responding to the texts. Give her enough space to miss and crave you again. Walk around with the confidence that you're secure with yourself and that you're a catch. She'll be drawn to it.
Don't initiate "I love you's" or cuddles anymore. Give it time and let her come to you. And even if she does start back with the "I love you's", don't immediately go back to the way you were, you'll look like a puppy that missed her too much. Don't always say it back, mix it up a little. Sometimes just smile, sometimes wink, sometimes say something slick like "I know you do," in a flirty way. Too much affection loses its meaning after a while so when you finally do give her an "I love you" it'll mean so much more. And when you reciprocate do it sincerely and with love.That way she won't take this space you're creating as spite. You're only creating an environment of sexual and tension and slight mystery, which will give you back the "edge" you had when you two first got together.
Oh, and don't masturbate either. You need to keep your testosterone up so you can be confident and sexy, not a teddy bear. Right now your wife craves excitement, not mushyness. Be spontaneous and do some new things to shake it up a little. Now is the time to break out of the hum drum routines. If she's a "go with the flow" type person, make the flow unique and new.
Be funny and flirtatious at times. Treat her like you did when you were dating and she wasn't a guarantee. You need to constantly study things in your head and figure out how to recreate some exciting energy in your household. And ALWAYS remember, confidence is key.